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not feeling good

BlueBaySenior Contributor15 Nov 2016, 9:06 pm AEDT

not feeling good

At the moment i am not feeling good. i feel like my body is in 'run away mode'. i feel my body is running on a high, my head is so mixed up. i have to go to bed and try to sleep, but don't know if i can.

my hormones are everywhere at the moment; my mood is sky high negative. i can't deal with this anymre. all of a sudden i am not feeling good. i think it is anxiety.

i don't know why i feel like this; i just want to cry but can't becsue everyone is home. i am going to bed. i don't know what is going on. actually maybe it is anxiety because i felt like passing out today.

I went to my GP to have my mirena IUD taken out as I had had enough. But he couldn't find the string, so he sent me for a ultrasound. Had that and the guy said i had two fibroids and a cyst on my ovary. but he couldn't find the string either, so had to have an xray to find the metal piece. they didn't tell me anything. but while waiting i was so anxious i almost passed out.

so now i have to wait for tomorrow when my GP will call me at work and let me know what will happen now. hopefully he can take the mirena out. i don't know.

my body is reacting to my anxiety - i feel so shaky, i need to stop. no point telling anyone at home becasue (a) they won't believe me and (b) they prob wouldn't care.

sorry, i had to tell someone. i feel so alone 😞

12926 replies

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In response to: not feeling good

Zoe7Senior Contributor16 Mar 2018, 3:25 pm AEDT

Re: not feeling good

I know you are trying BB - keep calling th CAT team - being able to talk to someone may help @BlueBay

Give Ayla a big hug and feel the love from her - that is a love only you and her share - grandmother and grandchild - it is a special bond

In response to: not feeling good

BlueBaySenior Contributor16 Mar 2018, 3:29 pm AEDT

Re: not feeling good

Trouble is @Zoe7 hubby is now home and I can't tell him. He doesn't know. I can't say anything. I'm stuck

In response to: Re: not feeling good

Zoe7Senior Contributor16 Mar 2018, 3:31 pm AEDT

Re: not feeling good

Then keep talking to me - I have time @BlueBay

What have you been doing with Ayla today?

In response to: not feeling good

BlueBaySenior Contributor16 Mar 2018, 3:37 pm AEDT

Re: not feeling good

My daughter is trying to put her down to sleep but she is crying @Zoe7.
I have to go and see my dad too
I don't want to see anyone
I feel like I have no light left in me Zoe
I'm sorry to bother you. You have your own stuff going on. You don't need to worry about me. I feel bad that you're helping me when you're struggling too. I'm sorry. It shouldn't be like this.

In response to: Re: not feeling good

Zoe7Senior Contributor16 Mar 2018, 3:41 pm AEDT

Re: not feeling good

It shouldn't be like this for any of us @BlueBay but it is what it is and we have to find any way we can to get through it. I am sure you have some light left - it is just buried deep atm BB.

Don't worry about me - I wouldn't be here with you if I didn't want to be - it is actually a good distraction for me to not have to worry about my own stuff even for a few minutes

In response to: not feeling good

BlueBaySenior Contributor16 Mar 2018, 4:00 pm AEDT

Re: not feeling good

This dark hole is just getting bigger. I hate it @Zoe7. I can't get out of it. I'm stuck. I'm in it and stuck.

In response to: not feeling good

BlueBaySenior Contributor16 Mar 2018, 4:05 pm AEDT

Re: not feeling good

Every time I want to see my dad I have to ring first. It f### shits me. I rang and yes I'm allowed to go at a certain time. It bring my depression even more down. I so want to go away. @Zoe why can't I just disappear or better still Just go ahead with my plan of ending it all. Thst would be s good revenge for my parents and my brother. He is a pathetic human being. I hate his guts.

In response to: Re: not feeling good

Unknown userMember16 Mar 2018, 4:10 pm AEDT

Re: not feeling good

Hi @BlueBay - I can hear today has been a real struggle for you and it's been difficult to get onto the crisis supports. You've been trying to get out of the negative and dark hole today, but you're feeling pretty stuck on that. Perhaps in between trying to call or running errands, or your visits to do today you can do a little task or activity to occupy yourself. Whaddya say?

In response to: Re: not feeling good

Zoe7Senior Contributor16 Mar 2018, 4:11 pm AEDT

Re: not feeling good

The only people that get hurt with that plan @BlueBay are you and your family. Imagine your daughter having to tell Ayla what happened to her grandmother - that would destroy your family and quite frankly it isn't revenge if you are not here to see what the consequences are for your mother and brother

In response to: not feeling good

BlueBaySenior Contributor16 Mar 2018, 4:13 pm AEDT

Re: not feeling good

Like what @Former-Member I am playing a bit with my grand daughter but it has lifted my mood.
I don't know what else. I keep thinking of my negative plans.

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