not feeling good

Hi @BlueBay and All,

Sorry to read that you were feeling so low and overwhelmed tonight Blue Bay. Well done for talking about it here and contacting Lifeline on webchat, even though it dropped out. Sometimes the webchats do that and calling the helpline is more reliable.

The waves of distress build some days and all one can do is try to ride it out, distract and self soothe as best one can.

We have had a busy run tonight on the forum with a few people in crisis so I wasn't able to get to this earlier. It's probably a good time to remind all that we are unable to provide crisis support in our online capacity, and your best form of immediate support are the helplines like Lifeline or Beyond Blue. We would encourage you to call them if you feel unsafe.

Hope everyone gets some decent sleep tonight,

Regards, Frog

Hi @utopia @Former-Member @Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member

Thank you for last night. It means a lot to me to have you all beside me, holding my hand, laying next to me and just being there. I couldn't stop crying knowing how many beautiful friends i have on here. so much more than my own family.

I think at the moment I am too stressed with everything going on. And triggers were starting to set me off to SH. And I dont' know how to cope with it all. I can't begin to pack becasue i am scared of getting really sick physically and mentally. It's like i am frozen and don't want to start because i know it will stir up lots and lots of different emotions packing up here and moving. And i am scared 😞

I am so overwhelmed that i can't think, i am crying a lot of the times, i wake up and then start to cry; i curl up like a ball like a little child;

my asthma is playing up again i noticed last night i think with the cold air. that's all i need. my joints are aching, my ankles are sore every morning (never had this before) and i feel like a wreck.

And to top all this - i get a email from my supervisor last night asking me to work today for a girl who is not well. it's my day off yet now i have to go to work. i have a bank appt this morning and another house inspection this afternoon, so i told supervisor i have these appts and cannot change, so i will come in and do what i can.

But nmow i am so pissed off with myuself for saying yes in the first place. i wish i could stay home in bed and rest.

and when i told hubby how angry i was and that i am so tired - he turns around and says ' but your new shop is much smaller' menaing i should be able to cope better. It's not the f###ng big shop that caused my depression; it's a chemical imbalance in my brain, it's my trauma of a child; it's my BPD - not the f###ng store. I told him i am not gong to work full time because i just cn't cope i get too tired and then i get run down and end up in hospittal. if that's where he wants to see me - well i reckon it's going to happen anyway.

he has no idea and that makes me angry as well.

i better go and get ready for work 😞

so much to do at home and i just can't start. all i want to do right is curl up and cry 😞

I'm dressed @Former-Member but can't eat. my stomach is doing somersaults !! no appetite at all.

I think i will try tonight to do one hallway cupboard. I freeze just thinking about it, the thought of doing it all and then leaving this place.

it's scary, its hard - all i can see at the moment is myself back in hosptial. in my own quiet room, peace and quiet, to myself. sleeping and resting.

You are a really good friend @Former-Member and if i remember right you are a similar age to my daughter (25). you are so deserving to be loved and supported as well.

thank you for the hugs last night, i really needed them. gosh why do i get so emotinoal just writing stuff; tears are always flowing when i write things to people on here.

i will be back on tonight after dinner (if i don't box up some stuff)

wish me luck. hope you have a nice day today. Love you beautiful friend xxxooo