not feeling good

thank you everyone for your support @Jynx @Shaz51 @Owlunar @WIP @outlander @Maggie @MDT @Faith-and-Hope

I decided yesterday afternoon to call my mum (just to see if she would say anything about my birthday) - but no she didn't. I didn't stay long on the phone. The thing is next week is her 80th birthday. So I am going to send some flowers. i will call as usual on the day. Part of me doesn't want to do that, but part of me is showing that even though i got nothing, not even a call or card i am still doing the right thing. i know you all probably think i shouldn't but i will show her that i do the right thing.

Another thing i forgot to say -

I waited 7 weeks to see my psychololgist but because of some stuff up in the office, I cannot see her for another two weeks.

Gosh i am angry, i have so much to say to her. She apologised but i was angry becasue i did the right thing and it went wrong.

My poor daughter - she claimed child support foir little A. Centrelink calculated that her ex has to pay $1.00 per day. Yes you read right - $1.00 ($36 month). How the hell is she supposed to buy things for her and feed her and education later on down the track. i was so angry. he hasn't declared his earnings correctly, that's why.

so i stress for them both.

was supposed to see a physician from the same clinic as my psych (his referral) tomorrowq and that has been cancelled for next week.

it's been a tough week. work was good today, the girls are really nice. the younger ones are very friendly and helpful. i am working again this friday, then have nothing next week. but the following week i am working mon, wed, fri. 4 hour shifts. they will be permanent. and no more bakery!!! hopefully i will be trained on the registers and then i can get extra shifts and it will be good becasue we are very busy over christmas. it is a crazy crazy store.

my GP has decided that after seeing me yesterday and my suicidal thoughts, that he will see me weekly for the next 6 weeks. he told me he knows i am struggling with all this covid lockdown. i am glad that he is so supportive.

i just ordered some meat from a local butcher and he delivered it just before. all packed nicely, labelled and in a box. all i had to do was freeze it. it was a bit expensive but it has taken the pressure off me when deciding what to cook.

i will be back later, i hope everyone is doing ok or as best as can be.

BB xxxooo

Hi @BlueBay

I think you are doing the right thing to acknowledge your mother's birthday - esp the 80th

There is no need to retailiate - there is no need to sink to her level

And ignoring your birthday was a harsh thing - it would make a hard time harder - and I do indeed sense that you are a very kind person and you have a sensitive soul

Dec

Thanks @Owlunar
ive organised flowers and spoke to my sister who will do the same.
How are you @Owlunar ?
tiday is cold but better than yesterday. It was freezing.

I think you are doing the right thing to acknowledge your mother's birthday - esp the 80th-- way to go my sister @BlueBay

I agree also @BlueBay you are doing the right thing. You will feel better.

Mothers........🙃🙃🙃🙃

I am okay thanks @BlueBay

The procedure I had seems to be successful and I am catching up with things I couldn't manage when I was in so much pain

And I am glad I sent all those cards and notes I sent to my mother though I have no idea if she ever saw them

When we do something like this under these circumstances we do them for ourselves and our well-being

Dec 🦉😷

I'm so glad the op went well @Owlunar 😊

@Shaz51 I've been thinking of you ❤️
why are emotions hard to deal with. I find happy emotions easier to cope with than negative emotions.
I'm struggling. We talked about emotions in group therapy today and I'm not coping.
you know I've noticed I'm still angry at what happened to ne at the pharmacy. How my job was gone. Now my rational mind gets it (I think) but it's my emotional mind that takes over. And it's intense.
I do not like the new owner. I know they have another girl there on the days that I was working. That sucks. It makes me feel extremely angry and unworthy. Then the so called friend coworker who said to me that she was losing her job too when in fact she's still there. I have to go there weekly to pick up my meds is making uncomfortable.
ive got to the point if cancelling my meds pack and do it mysekf. That way I don't need to go in.
Ive also realised thst working fir a big supermarket company is so different to working in a tiny pharmacy.
@Maggie @outlander @Faith-and-Hope

@MDT 👋

@BlueBay I would feel the same as you are feeling. You were let down badly, and you didn’t deserve to be treated like that.

Can you get your meds delivered ? They do it here for free. It might be worth Thinking about. That way, you don’t have to see them.

I hope you have a good night tonight.

We had snow yesterday . It was thick all over the ground. It gave so many people here such a thrill. It rarely lands this far down into the suburbs. ❄️⛄️❄️⛄️

Take care. 💕💕💕

ohhh my sister, @BlueBay hugs xxx xxx

I am trying to get carers allowance or carers pension but I think it is going to be hard