not feeling good

@BlueBay You are doing your best. We all know your are, and it’s goid enough. I would certainly miss you, so please stay around. Sending 💕💕❤️

@BlueBay

It just about breaks my heart that you think you would leave for ever - life is really crappy right now - no comparisons but I bet everyone is having a rough time - you are not alone

To have a better life yourself in your family of the crowded house you have to teach others how to treat you and if your husband will help if you ask him - then for goodness ask ask him - pushing yourself with your sore hands is too much - you need to give yourself time to heal and if you don't - ah yes - I guess you know it is a form of self-harm and hurts no one but you.

And your son - mine didn't live until he was as old as your sons but I can tell you I would not have put up with shitty behaviour - I was practising Tough Love and that isn't at all easy. You deserve to be treated better but only you can engineer that

And I know you love little A to bits but she needs to stay in her bed or go to her mother if she wants conversation in the morning -

I understand this is hard but it's the only way

I care about you so much and I am pretty sure there are a lot of other people here feel for you - certainly people care and as well as being proud of you - I really admire the way you have battled through this for years - and you can be firm with your kids

My life is tough right now - I have severe shoulder pain that is eased by taking medication that spaces me out and I have a choice of pain or spaciness. And I can't do much here either - and I am having a procedure late next week and just hope like crazy that the lockdown doesn't stop elective surgery. I have the CÓVID test on Friday then I will have to be in total isolation except for someone coming in once to help me shower and wash my hair

I am used to being alone but a whole week of it is too much and I think I am better off because I feel a sort of controlled anger about it. I kept to the rules and other people didn't and so many people beside myself are in a bad place - the thought of those people in the towers all that time shocks me

To find anything at all that will bring you joy you have to find it for yourself and even if it means reaching deep inside you can find it

I have watched the solar system for years - last year not much happened - this year I have been having wonderful mornings going outside before dawn and watching it - the sky is clear because of COVID - this morning I saw Orion rising - a sure sign spring is nearly hear and already the birds are singing in the morning - most mornings I go outside to see and this morning was beautiful

I want you to find something to watch or read about or see on TV or anything that pleases you - those little plants in your small patches of garden must be growing now - let's know about them - I would love to read that

Dec

please stay my sister @BlueBay

we need each other

and just like @Peregrinefalcon said and I agree , I am proud of you too

and things are tough at the moment , this is where we need to have support and encouragement to keep on keeping on

and we can do it together , with our coping box too

and Like @Owlunar said , let talk about your plants ?

what did A do today xx

how is Jersey going , what is he up to ??

Hello @Maggie , @MDT , @Faith-and-Hope , @Zoe7

Hugs @BlueBay ..... 💙🌷

Hi @Shaz51 @Owlunar

I'm still here. Little A is my delight of life and love. At the moment she is listened to her mum read a book. Every night before bed. And then she goes to bed. She's such a beautiful smart little girl. Her words and language is unbelievable. She sees her dad every sat fir sbout 4-5 hours. She randomly tells everyone how much she loves us. So sweet.
my veggies are very slowly growing. I've got kale peas and silverbeet. But they're in pots.
I hope that one day when we move to another house I have a bigger backyard so i can grow gross of veggies.
Jersey is good. She and Ayla are good friends.

it's a very uncertain time at the moment.
tidsy I went to centrelink and completed an application for jobseeker and health care card. Hopefully It gets approved and that will help.
hi @Maggie @MDT

Thank you @Faith-and-Hope 🤗❤️ Xx

I think I will chat online with a counsellor tonight.

I feel stuck

had a panic attack in the car at a shopping car park

I'm tired

I just want to go - says my very emotional mind

but stay - says my rational mind

at the moment my emotional mind is winning

I don't know what to do 😢😢

@Faith-and-Hope @MDT @Shaz51 @Owlunar @Maggie abd anyone else

Deep breaths and distract yourself with something useful to do @BlueBay ..... the feelings are "only" feelings, and will pass if you give them the chance to, and occupy yourself with something else to take your mind off it ..... similar to quitting an addiction, your mind is reaching for its coping strategy. The more you distract yourself when these feelings surface the more you are giving your mind new coping strategies ..... like grabbing the lead and taking the fur baby for a walk, or scrubbing a pan until it shines, or cooking dinner, or pulling up some weeds ......

Hugs and hugs Hon. The feelings suck, but they will pass.