not feeling good

Well done on your first day at your new job @BlueBay - it sounds as if it went really well and it might turn out that your will be happier in this job than your old one.

You know what they say - when one door closes another opens and this migh have happened for you - that's good news

And as for you going straight to the lady who fainted - that is such good news - your caring nature overcame your anxieties and it was the natural thing for you to do - that's super news

And I do agree with your psyche - I have been saying that you need to be assertive and take time for yourself and he has confirmed this - you have the right to this - we all need to be assertive to have our rights to

Our own space

Our own time

We have the right to say we don't know

We have the right to say we haven't got the time

We have the right to say we can't do some things

So true

And about Huffnpuff huffn and puffn - that would piss me off big time - so the work space in your home gets messy - actually - I am here alone and my bench space gets messy - oh boy - that's life - I guess he can OCD if he has - after all he has the right to OCD - but being a martyr is not okay

We can talk about being assertive - how can we be assertive about his martyrdom - he has the right to feel like that but push it on to other people - no - he doesn't.

Just say "There's no need to complain - leave it"

Don't respond further - walk away and leave him to it - 5 adults and a toddler locked down in the house is going to make mess and he is allowed to feel the pressure as everyone does right now. Everyone is suffering - in a quiet moment tell him that without getting emotional -

Everyone is entitled to the way they feel - you are - he is - I am - but spreading the misery - no - that's not okay

We can keep talking about this - I will look up something about assertiveness - maybe there are short courses provided free on line about that during this social crisis

Dec

Hi @Owlunar

I need a lot of help.

reg work. The store manager came up to me tiday and said thsnkyiu for yesterday with that lady. Apparently her son called and thanked me and the duty manager. The lady had a mild heart attack and is in hodpital hsbing tests.
he also said I'm doing a great job. that was nice to hear. The staff are nice friendly. There are a clicky few but that's ok. It's been easy because my boys have worked there frim when they were 15. And one still works there.
I cleaned things around store today. But by the end of my shift I could hardly walk. My lower back and hip was so sure I was in pain. I saw my chiro and he said my pelvis was out.

the floor manager who I know mentioned I can have whatever shifts I want next week. I'll see Friday what bakery are giving me otherwise I'll take 3 days. I coukd work more but I'm worried about my back and hip.
I don't want to rush into working heaps and then fall apart.
reg hubby. Yes I know you've been telling me to have my own space. And to be more assertive. Do you want any to know what he's doing right now? Cleaning and rearranging the fridge. I'm not saying one word. But I don't go into the garage and chsnge things around. My mouth is zipped.
Then at dinner time littke A was eating rice. Well she missed her mouth and the rice fell everywhere. You can imagine what hubby was like??
My mouth was still shut.

I really don't know how to bring this or anything up.
why can't I be strong to talk. Why can't I just do it.
my fingers hsve been tingling all day today. I'm seeing my doctor tomorrow. Will see what he says.

im so tired. Littke A woke up twice during the night. We were all up at 6am having breakfast.

she's such a chatterbox. She tells me make up stories. And she gets her books and will read the story and remembers words from the books. She's very clever. She's very caring. When I came home from the chiro she asked me "nonna are you better". I had to give her a big hug. She is so sweet.

@Owlunar how are you?
hi to @Shaz51 @MDT @Molliex and others reading

Sending hugs and a warm cup of tea your way @BlueBay . It is such a challenging time for many. Good to hear you had a good phone cosultation with your pdoc.

HI @BlueBay

I'm okay thanks - but I do know about that pain you have in your hip and back - I also know you have seen your doctor about that - and your chiro - I think maybe you need to have an ultrasound on your hip because it might be trochanteric bursitis which is very painful - I've had that - and that can be fixed with an injection into the bursa at a clinic where they do these injections guided by ultrasound - it was magical when I had that done.

Your back - yes - I know - it's really good to work if you can - so starting with three days is a good idea - and you did really well helping the elderly lady when she had a heart attack right in front of you. You didn't know that would happen and you did exactly the right thing - you are stronger than you realise - well done again

I'm beginning to get the picture of why things don't go well when you try and bring things up with Huffnpuff when he gets into your space. You said you get emotional and zone out - but I think you can speak out because he in right in your face in your kitchen and pantry and this is a no-go-zone for him - imo - I wouldn't have that happen in my house - no way

So what can you do? - I think you can say to him that you are in charge of the kitchen and to stop huffn and puffn about the bench tops and work space and to keep out of your fridge and pantry because you know everything is. I guess it's his OCD that makes him interfer but it's really not on

When we change our behaviour we need to let the other person know what we are about - so unzip your mouth and tell him quietly that you don't want him in your kitchen unless it's his turn to cook. And ask him if he would really like it if you moved things around in his garage because you know he would hate that and you feel the same way when he moves things around in your kitchen.

Start with that one. You have the right to your own kitchen. Yes - again - I say - yes. I really - really - don't like it when people move things in my kitchen and because I have people coming in to clean they do move things in my kitchen and it took me days trying to find my baking tray when someone had put in in the griller. mmmyp - ooh - I was cross about that one. I hear what you are saying

But you do have to speak out.

Mostly likely he will get huffy and puffy when you speak up about your space - but it's your kitchen dammit. Tell him that - after all - you share your bedroom with him and the toddler - and you don't interfer in his garage - God - I am ranting - sorry -

Start small - you can do it - you will find it so much better to defend your space when he intrudes - it takes practice - and harder to teach on-line but it can be done

Dec

My thoughts exactly

Hi @Owlunar

im not doing great today. Mentally and physically I'm tired.
I had to see my doctor this morning and I was crying before I even got to his room. He asked what was wrong and I replied "I don't know".
he asked about wirk and said it was great thst I've worked two days. He was happy to hear I helped that lady.

yes I do have ehst you write about my hip. I have bursitis and it is rally hurts. When I was in hodpital in feb I had a cortisone injection. It did help for a while but pain came back after 4 weeks.
the chiro was good He did dry needling on my hip.
my dictir is ringing me tomorrow to make sure I went to work and how I'm feeling. He is one fantastic doctor. He said I'm far too hard on myself and need to let go a bit.
I told him how hard it is at hime snd he said he really understands but with this virus we're all feeling it snd can't go anywhere.

I'm going to hodpital group now. It gives me an outing and I really enjoy it. I'm there for 4 hours.

I know I really need to sit down with hubby. Maybe in the weekend we can go and grab a take away coffee and sit in the car. And talk.

Oh @Owlunar it's so not easy for me. But I will give it a try.

I'll chat to you later. Xxxx

Hi @BlueBay

I know it's not easy but it can be done if you start small - just defend your kitchen and pantry and see -

Going out just the two of you and having a coffee to sort out how tough the coronavirus is making it for everyone - that's a good place to start because it's affecting everyone - I'm finding it in my access to my medication and I am cutting it back radically - still - finding I can't get repeats was a surprise - so yes

Start with acknowledging how hard it is to have all the kids at home now - then move on to the kitchen and how annoyed he seems to feel when it's not up to what he wants. You understand, You need to be in charge of your kitchen in all this chaos. You need something to stay the same - just as he does with his car -

Just stick to that much to start - you do have a choice - you can let things go on as they are but how horrible and lonely that is for you. You guys need to pull together - starting small can build up to a better life - I hope it works for you

And your hip - when you had the injections into your hip were they ultrasound controlled because when I had that done - when - over 2 years ago now - it's still working

I think you be much happier working where you are now - it just seems better - and you have made a good start.

Dec

I'm so sick of everything at the moment

emotional dsy

everything is emotional

I don't want to talk to anyone

I just want to be left alone.

im really sorry

Hi there @BlueBay, we're sitting with you (albeit it virtually!). I am sorry to hear how heavy it's all feeling right now, it is okay to want to be alone, and to have a break from talking. It is okay to feel everything you are feeling

hugs my sister @BlueBay

sitting with you xoxo