not feeling good

Hi @Former-Member @Shaz51

my doctor called as he told me on Friday he would.
I told him about the weekend and how I felt stuck and overwhelmed.
he told me to take one day at a time.
He said I've got too much on my plate snd I need to slow down.
I had to go inside the car to tslk as there was nowhere inside where I could tslk privately.
dsmn everything.

Hi @BlueBay

Yes - you do have a lot on your plate right now - and it seems to me that you do the work for this family and yet they won't move over for you and this is really unfair. If I were in your place I would feel used - and abused - because if everyone shuffled around a bit there would be more space

And you need quiet too - I know your boys won't share a room but that makes sense to me - to you too I think - and they can surely let their sister have a room with her little girl and free up some of the living space. It must be so disappointing that they don't do this - it would make a huge difference - that's what I mean by everyone shuffling over - the boys share one room and your daughter and A in the other bedroom and Huffnpuff can be less precious about his car being outside and the garage is a good space - so hard for you

I think I would go on strike about the cooking until people treated me better. You cook some complex and fabulous meals for them. For years I had the front bedroom to myself and I studied in there and people just had to move over - but I cooked too and there were times when I just wouldn't - I would get really annoyed - I really understand that

I used to go to hospital but that was when my son was alive and often in serious trouble with the law and the police were my best friends sometimes - they could see he was out of control. My psychiatrist was a very understanding and kind man and got me into hospital instantly when I was stressed out with all of this and had migraine - no waiting - one of the nurses told me that he would get me a bed in that hospital when there was no beds free - I don't know how he did that but I did have a serious problem with my son

And so my trips into hospital were short and I was sedated for most of the time. I would go home then and deal with my son and his complex issues. I can certainly understand that you want to go to hospital sometimes and need to often - but enjoy it - I don't know if a visit to a psyche unit is enjoyable. Yes - it can be better than what's happening at home. I know you have spells of not being happy when you are there in hospital too and want to get out.

And so after my son died I was able to work full time when I sort of recovered - and I would prepare the meals for a week on Saturday and put a roast in the oven and had the vegetables prepared and told my husband to put the vegies in the oven when the alarm went off or I would spit in his gravy. I actually don't know if I ever did that - he was chronically lazy and I had two jobs and I was studying at university and felt he could have pulled his weight but he was a bit like Huffnpuff in that he couldn't or wouldn't understand that I was pulling the weight for the family and he wasn't and it used to really irritate me

So my suggestion is to try one day at a time - if I think of 6 months of being alone in this house it's too much so I just think of today and tomorrow - and run my life because it is the same was as it has been since I left my parents' home over 50 years ago - I run the show and if I don't so it it's not done.

I am sure you have heard about George Pell by now - and like many people really upset about it - my church let me down in a different but unpleasant way many years ago and I left the church but sitll have my faith. I know how it hurts. But for you - you really have enough on your mind right now and hopefully know that Pell has been through a rough time and spent all these years in prison already and has certainly paid for his alleged crimes. Nothing can change that so please - don't add this to your already tough list of rotten stuff right now. Hard to do - Yes I know

I took the day off yesterday - I find the cold wet weather gets into my joints and makes them creak more too - but I read what your wrote

Take it easy when the family is out of the house - no one can move out right now because of the situation but I hope you can find some peace.

Dec

Hi @Owlunar

I'm not too well agsin. Have terrible upper middle abdomen pain. I had this pain last year while in hospital and that's when I got referred to a gastroenterologist. He found a hernia and something to do with the oesophagus. I called my doctor who suggested I take a medication I have for three days and see how I go.
mentslly I'm unmotivated and struggling a bit.
Reg job - my son saw the manager of the girls on register whom I know this morning. He must have mentioned that I've only got one shift snd need more hours. She is calling me this afternoon. Hopefully I'll get more hours.
home right now is quiet. A is asleep and older son is sleeping. He's on night shift so he'll prob wake up at 2-3pm. And D is in kitchen.
im laying down in front lounge room with heater on as it's cold.

@Owlunar I understand what you're saying about boys moving over a bit to help their sister. But the boys couldn't share as there isn't enough room. Just enough room for a bed and deck. The bedroom are quite small. Except ours is a good size.
A was awake at 5.30am this mirning. I put her in my bed and she slept for a little bit. But she was up at 6.30 for breakfast.

i

hope you're staying warm. I'm getting tired. Think I'll close my eyes for a while. Hope this psin eases up.
take care @Owlunar ❤️

I just wanted to acknowledge the latest news has been understandably very upsetting and distessing for a lot of us. It's important to remember that each of us will have our own personal responses to the news so we need to be mindful of this. But together we can push through ❤️

We have created a new thread for those that would like to share their thoughts and feelings here

Please take good care of yourselves today and reach out when you need 💜💜💜

HI @BlueBay

It seems really tough for you - and I have been reading a bit about people with MI having more to cope with regarding the same issues - BPD would be one of those conditions - I have thought a lot about your situation and I think everyone at your house must be tense with the siuation and I am guessing there is more happening than you are saying - if it helps writing your feelings here then that's a good thing to do - it's unfortunate that having everyone move back when they did and having the coronavirus happen at the same time means your family was dealt a hard hand - and yes - really tough

About your hernia and the pain in your gullet - oh ouch - my movie-buddy has something like that - it's painful - I hope the tablets help - I can't get the tablets I used to take because they have been withdrawn but I know that pain because I will get that sometimes if I don't drink an Up and Go with one of my medications - I know - that's a scary pain.

It's a pity Huffnpuff can't be more reasonable - I have an idea that not everything is a result of your MI - he almost seems too be deliberately making things hard for other people - like everything having to be in whatever place he imagines it should be - that would be so hard

So BlueBay - I think you have far more patience than me because I was always on a short-fuse with everyone home and had I not had my own space - you are very strong - I know you can't see it but ask yourself how many people would stay in the situation you are in - I could not have done it. But you do.

The way I am coping with an indefinate period of staying her by myself is not to think ahead - that would be scary - I have plenty to do to keep myself amused - someone has asked me to do some research for her and that will keep me occupied - I have downloaded some information to write into a short essay to email to her - and it's interesting -so I am looking forward to that - I found a website about that too

The internet is fantastic - there is so much information about endless areas of interest - I know you feel unmotivated but there must be something that you would be interested in

I wish you the best

Dec

Hi @Owlunar

Thankyou for understanding my situation.
i will tell you something else - yesterday hubby had to pay registration for the car. He sends me a text at lunchtime to say "can you psy rego in-line csnt go to vicroads".
i ignored the msg and thought no he can do it when he gets home. He gets home at 3pm.
About 5pm he says "did you psy the rego" I said no you can do it online. His response "well I don't know how to do it, I've never done it before ". To which I said "it's not hstd just follow the steps" so if you don't try you'll never know how to do it.
he grabbed his card and went online.
I ended up going over just to check he was paying it right. I just watched. I had to prompt him a few times (with snger in my voice because I was so angry) and he paid it.
see it's not thst hstd.

@Owlunar This is what it's like. He doesn't have the confidence to try things. I know I don't have confidence either but at least I try.
It really gets on my nerves.

I think when I see my psychologist in two weeks time I'm going to say if we can hsve some sessions together.
we'll see what happens.

I've lost all the little bit of confidence I had, if I had any in the first place.
I did a group therapy at the hospital this afternoon.
we talked about communication and how to talk to our partners.
During session I zoned out as I was sbout to cry. Thinking to myself how bad our communication is.
I left and thought shit we both have a lot to wirk on.
but I don't know where to start

the thing is - I blame myself for this. 😢

@Shaz51 @Owlunar @Former-Member @CheerBear @Faith-and-Hope @Razzle @utopia @Maggie @MDT and others reading

I'm angry. Tired.

while dsughter is cooking dinner I'm bathing little A. And hubby well he's in the lounge room with full blast music sitting there. I'm trying to get A into bath she's having a tantrum. Daughter helped me with A.
I yelled out to hubby to turn down music. He's response "oh I can't even sit and listen to my music"!!!!!

i turned around and said "gee I'd like to sit too"

ffs Whst is wrong with him

ive had all afternoon in therapy and it was difficult. But I get no empathy no bloody nothing.

I'm feeling so used and taken advantage of.

my anger is very high.

@BlueBay Could hubby get some headphones? That’s really hard with music blaring, plus all you have going on.

I don’t know what your weather is like atm, but could you sit outside with a drink. Just for a moment of peace and quiet.

Senting u some 💙💙

@Maggie

No can't use headphones as he was watching it on tv.
it's off now. We just finished dinner.
littke A off to bed so tv will be down

it's just annoying.