not feeling good

How are you going today @BlueBay. I'm sorry I wasn't online last night. Sending hugs your way.

Hi @BlueBay

I haven't been on-line for a couple of days but I just read back on your thread for the last couple of days and see that you have had a rough time - I'm sorry about that

We all have emotions and we really can't control the way we feel - we can control the way we behave - it can be hard to manage our lives when we feel so bad but we can learn

It's hard with BPD - I understand that. In fact the way you write about it helps me a lot - there is no other way I could understand my son - you write about your feelings in such a way I really get an insight inside a person with BPD - you are poetic when you write - you portray your inner life to us - this is the one you keep secret from the world. It's pretty dynamic actually. Not everyone can do that

There was a change to Huffnpuff's pay-programme. Maybe he told you or maybe he didn't but whatever - this was out of your control. So your direct debits weren't changed - I understand that - but if you did know it was just an oversight. We make mistakes - all the time - that's part of the human condition. It's something to use. If you didn't know how can it be your fault?

How tough though - you have to stretch things really thin with your finances - been there though - who hasn't. You've made decisions to do things about that though and now the time is coming to put those things into practise - no - you can't wave a magic wand and have it all happpen over night. Perhaps that's a good thing - one thing at a time is fine and there are days that will be busy and overpowering - other's will be quiet and peaceful - and it will all get done and things will be different.

When life is dealing your a rough hand and you have a lot of painful things in your past there is really no point in making it worse with SH. You need to learn to be your own best friend - this can help you a lot and it's not easy to start but it will make a difference if you can learn to like yourself.

So - as I started this message - the point is - we can't help certain things about the way we are - the way we feel. We have control over our actions and behaviours. It's important to work on how to control ourselves. When we behave better we can feel better.

How I wish I had known all this when my son was young and still had a chance with his life. It could have made a difference - I will never know. Feeling badly about yourself and blaming yourself for things that go wrong doesn't help. It just makes you feel worse

We love you here - perhaps because you do open up about the way you feel. You are a very strong person - we can see that.

Sending my best thoughts - be your friend who will listen and give you the hug we can't but would if we could

Dec

@BlueBay 💕💕💕

@Faith-and-Hope @Maggie @Owlunar @Molliex @outlander @Former-Member @MDT @Gazza75 @Ant7 @Shaz51 @CheerBear @Razzle and others reading this

I'm going to stsy awsy fir some time. Don't really know how long.
Being on here is making me angry

my BPD thinking and behaviour is not good

I need to stsy awsy

I'm really stressing with:

1. Waiting fir MIL to pass away

2. really bad financial stress

3. my d moving out. I'm going to miss A terribly

4. new owners of pharmacy. Job uncertainty

5. putting house on the market

6. my mum playing games again

7. my excessive emotional eating

8. recurring horrible dreams of snakes

my BPD is not good. One minute I'm ok the next my anger is at 100

im irritated by others

I'm just sorry thst I haven't helped you all as much as I could.

I don't even know if my decision is the right one or a good one. I just can't think at the moment. So maybe it's best I stay away. 😢
love and hugs to you all

BB ❤️❤️

@BlueBay, hope you feel more settled soon. Take care ❤️❤️❤️🌻🌻🌻

Sending hugs your way. Do what you need to do. We're here if you need us @BlueBay 💕💕

Ohhh sending you lots of hugs my Darling sister @BlueBay xoxo