Hi @BlueBay
I don't know how to respond but I have been thinking about it so I can let you know that much and think about what to say - cause I am puzzled
It's not your fault that things are the way they are - staying in the marriage that sounds miserable is your choice so you are responsible for that but the shortage of cash is Huffnpuff's issue - you already run the house and have a part-time job so my idea would be - and in the past actually was - so play a broken record - which means countering Huffnpuff's comments with the same comment - eg - as soon as he starts picking on you about the lack of cash say the same thing
Like -
"We would have more money if you got a part time job. Don't start on me. I already have one and I run this house and know the state of our finances all the time"
And I know it's brutal - been there - done that - eventually it was all over and I am better for it.
But I live alone and I don't get a whole day out and have dinner cooked when I get home ever - I actually like this state of affairs but consider this - if you have a holiday on your own you have to deal with the whole lot yourself - as I do - you have to plan it, book it, pay for it, pack for it, get yourself to the airport, handled your luggage, book in, go though security, find your gate get on the plane and deal with your hand luggage. I have seen women with a partner get on and sit down and wait while her partner does all of this and I wonder about it and certainly prefer my independence. Maybe you would too - I think it would be far better than how you are living now.
Your life sounds horribly lonely actually - there doesn't seem to be any love or respect. No one seems to care for anyone else. People are scratchy and in a bad mood and I lived like that and hated it.
I woke up one morning when I was in my early 30s and felt so disasatified that I was wasting my life just so other people could have theirs I started living for myself first and I don't think I loved my children any less but I was a better mother and the person who ran a sad marriage for as long as I could stand it. I would have gone under had I not done this.
It's really sad for me that you feel you have to self-harm, that you are always at fault and that you are so unhappy. I can't change anything for you. I can only say there is a better way. If you want life to be better you have to stop blaming yourself - you haven't done anything wrong at all - the abuse you suffered and your mother's lack of care for you were not your fault - you can't change any of that. You can only change the way you see things
It took me ages to think up a reply and I told you I would always tell you the truth - it's really hard being so honest because I know how unhappy you are. One thing you are really good at is communicating your feelings. I am listening all the time - a great pity Huffnpuff doesn't. But you can't change him either
Try and think better of yourself - you deserve to feel better than you do. You are worth better than what you see of your yourself
And I really care - I really do
Dec
