GEtting back to who I am

Many of you have been following my journey on the forums over these years.

I want to say thanks.

I also want to try to post more reflective things here. This is why I have called this thread "getting back to who I am". It needs to become a reflective exercise. I think it'll be good. It'll be an outlet, one where I can create again. Like I used to.

I am finding that I need that creativity too. So here is the best chance to do so.

Wanted to post this video too - I came across it a while ago. By a while I mean years. I found it when I was in a spot of bother in my life. Listening to it now I have realised that no matter what happens, you'll find that there are things on the journey that throw you about and you wind up somewhere that's different to what you expected but at its base, at its root, it is still the same thing you wanted initially. It's just that it looks different

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WNl916LJSY8

The video is great. Like this little girl, who has the postcode of her destination... I once had a postcard of a destination and now I have arrived at the station. What I expected is very different. But it's still, at the basic level, the same. Maybe that is all that matters in the end.

I'm over tormeting myself with hypothetical situations that "may" happen. Even situations that have no proof or evidence of having any chance of occuring. IT could just be that I have had to adapt to seeing horrible things at work on a daily basis. It can screw with me. Fortunately they have a vicarious trauma course that I was signed on to and that will be taking place next week.

Somehow all the ducks are in a row and it feels weird. I guess I grew used to not having my ducks in a row?

I'm more accepting of things. Largely because I've put in the effort to make things work for me. I guess now, I'm benefitting from it and it's weird. At times I just have moments where I think it all doesn't make sense and/or something bad will happen. I continually need to remind myself that even IF something bad happened/happens then it's not as bad as soome of the horrible things I see happen all over the world. The best response to this is gratitude.

But also to find stories of everyday heroism. Stories that remind me of the willpower of people to go on despite adverse circumstances.

I have tried to write to myself as if I were my own therapist (an exercise I call self therapy haha) but sometimes I just get lost in my things. I haven't seen my psych for a while because I find that I'm a different person now. Not a bad thing, but a challenge that represents itself I guess. Therapy has helped, but I think now I may just need to visit my p doc every three months and do some psychoanalysis.

What is it normal people do these days anyway?

Love is hard too, but it feels worthwhile despite its hardness.