GEtting back to who I am

@MDT all about practice, in my experience. Learning to recognise when and how you're tearing yourself down. Responding to those inner critic voices with kindness and compassion, gently like you're talking to a child. Take it day by day, and remind yourself it will get easier the more you practice.

Keep working at it. Healing is bloody hard work. But it's soooo worth it. You got this 💜

Cheers @Jynx

Yeah agreed

Hams is flying. Don't shoot him down.


"Whats that in the sky?"
"A flying ham"
"Ham can't fly!"
"Exactly. And that's why we must watch it. You ever seen a ham fly? Coz I haven't. It'd be a shame to shoot it down. Plus if you shot the ham down then he'd just be a ham... anyone can be a ham... BUT a flying ham? Well that's a sight to behold. Savour this moment"

I have realised that the person I wanted to become has in fact become.

It all started when I said that I wouod go to uni. Not just any uni, but the uni that I wanted to go to. Somehow, irrationally, I knew I would.
Through time and effort I got there and made it.
When I was at uni I planted a seed of belief and knowledge. I had a thurst for understanding the human mind but it led me down a patch I could never had imagined.
Well here I an today off to a job relating to my field.

I don't of course think that everything is about work. It isn't. Life is so much more.

And now like a soaring falcon I ride through the sky.

Somehow thus has happened beyond me. But in fact ot was me who did it.

Yes there is traumatic experiences. Yes there are regrets.
Yes there are roads not taken....

But how much better is it now that I can see there were those things to begin with... I could picture a thousand successes and yet thus one I am now in is one of them. 1 in thousands...

I see in some of my peers the same curiosity the same drive. I see it gone in others.

All this comparison does is teach me that I shouldn't compate myself to anyone - successful or not. Have empathy for those around me and for those I can help ofc.

Life is Somehow going on. I dunno how.

I think this okay.

well done to you @MDT

Onwards and upwards

Just did city2surf


Will sleep good tonight

ONe of the main steps in getting back to who i am is to realise how far i have come

This is something isay quite a lot but i dont think that is ever really reflected on all that much by me. I mean many here have said this to me, and people in my life ofc have said this too. But the rate and speed with which things have changed so rapidly is still quite astounding.

I think if I was a race horse then I'd be paying high odds. Mainly because I wouldn't stand much chance against the competition.

I'm sitting at this coffee shop now - I even remember walking past it on the first day of university back in 2013 and thinking that I wouldn't be able to visit because it wasn't my sort of place. I don't exactly know what I meant by that back then, but I know now - it was just a sense of unease about the world. I guess my inner child was scared and as a result of that I was scared too.

It's funny now, this place just seems normal to me. But I guess I have adapted to the area over the years. Even though I never lived here, I don't think I have to, to become familiar with the area. I was first familiar with it when I came to an economics study day back in high school. It's curious that a university and the surrounding area can have such an impact on a person - but i guess in many respects it did because of something. That something was my own parents telling me that I may not get into this uni. IT was an assumption on their part, nothing more. There was no ill intent behind it of course. I think they were just airing what they thought. But I have noticed that lately, after having moved out into my own space, that I am noticing where the influences from the home environment were. It's actually quite liberating .

The harder or more challenging part now is coming to terms with all of that and moving forward in life.

One thing I have noticed is that I must have eidetic memory - where its a bit similar to photographic memory but i need triggers to help me remember really granular details.

For example - The telegraph pole right in front of me at the moment - i remember sitting here a few times ago and watching someone come along and tape a poster to it really quickly. Like he did this whole act in thhe space of about 6 seconds. I said to the guy next to me that "he has that down to an art". Which of course he did. The thing is though that I remember negative experiences too and so it can be a battle to try and move past that memory.

Wherever I have taken action in my life - THAT is where I grown and learn the most. Making irreversible changes. For the good.

I guess that is also what i am currently in the process of doing now too.

There will be moments coming up in the future where I am going to wonder how and why i am stuck in a dark place. But I think this is a challenge worth facing. I think this is where resilience comes into play.

On that note I have booked in to see the psych in a few weeks time.

Tomorrow I will attend some classes of my postgrad course. I have been in contact with the student council who told me i can lodge a special arrangement claim because i am working. In the end, asking questions has landed me in a better position - something i would routinely suppress when i was in high school for fear of looking weak or silly. It's like I would look around the class or at least have that awareness playing out in my mind.

Again,, with the idetic memory hey?



I think I have all my ducks in a row and I am making good choices. This is all I ever wanted. It just feels weird to be able to say it without any trepidation. I've become the first stage of the person I've wanted to be.

Somehow, through it all, I am where I am now. This is to be celebrated in its own right.