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F$&@ lost another friend

HellonWheelsSenior Contributor

F$&@ lost another friend

This is complicated as it revolves around my autistic daughter
This is the third friend/neighbour we've lost in a few years
How have I contributed to this? What could I have done differently? Have I stuffed it her my daughter who they claimed had gotten into their hearts? Why am I bad at relationships? Or is this a relationship I had to let go anyway if she reacts so badly wen my daughter sent her 50 messages in 2 hrs?
SHE has autism so what is the adults excuse
I was having 24 hrs out of the house first time ever while my daughter had a carer which was her first time so she was anxious
Is bipolar related to have friendship breakdowns or is that too simplistic
When this happens I close down to protect mysel and I become defensive but I don't tend to attack unless pushed to the limit and unless I feel my daughter is being treated very unfairly
I'm interested in other ppls experience with friendship and bipolar
😭

18 replies

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In response to: F$&@ lost another friend

KurraSenior Contributor

Re: F$&@ lost another friend

Bipolar is not always the way you've described it @pip Your description really made me squirm and feel uncomfortable. That's a ridiculous reaction from me as I've been completely stable since early Feb.
Yes bipolar can be like that - I've been there too many times but it is a disorder that can cover a wide spectrum of symptoms.

In response to: Re: F$&@ lost another friend

pipSenior Contributor

Re: F$&@ lost another friend

@Kurra, My sincere apologies to you. I meant no harm. I was talking the basic bipolar which is highs and lows. I realize there is more than meets the eye. My ex BIL has bipolar and he is who I was describing, I've seen him go downhill many, many times. When he is stable, you wouldn't know, if you didn't know. When he crashes he assumes the foetal position, refuses to care for his personal hygiene and cannot motivate himself. He shakes chronically and needs immediate help. He is monitored regularly and his meds are reviewed frequently. He was in denial for a long time and my ex SIL actually told him to get help or leave. He has been well for some time but there is always the fear of repeats with his behaviour. He actually regularly 'crashes'. I never meant to imply all sufferers are in that category. His is 'worse case scenario'.

In response to: F$&@ lost another friend

WhimSenior Contributor

Re: F$&@ lost another friend

Hi @HellonWheels

My son has (yet diagnosed but I'm in the 'industry' and the paed agrees) high functioning autism and ADD/or ADHD. I know all about loosing 'play dates' friends etc.

I don't have bipolar, but do have dep and anxiety. I think your thoughts/concerns regarding is bipolar related to friendship breakdowns is totally understandable, but remember that many don't have the personal insight or experience or awareness to understand. Often they may just not want to, as that means possibly looking at their own selves and family, and digging in the soil of themselves.

I understand your closing down and feeling defensive, a parent lion/lioness defending it's cub. This is the parental roar in you. The fact that they live so close is hard. Do you feel it might help to discuss things? Or is that not something that you think workable? Take many deep, belly deep, breaths, and sit on this for a while. You will do the right thing. I hope your okay, and know we are here for you.

Whim x

In response to: F$&@ lost another friend

HellonWheelsSenior Contributor

Re: F$&@ lost another friend

Hi Pip
She has an Intellectual Disability so not Aspergers when there is often a high IQ
The neighbour was actually providing informal respite.
She won't go to respite houses as they're crap.
She doesn't seem to have tried to visit the neighbour for a couple of days. Interestingly her behaviour has improved since she's not seeing the neighbour eg we cooked dinner together the last two nights and had a successful shopping trip on weekend
I continually work on her and also manage her NDIS funding and currently setting up support for next year post school-its at least an HR a week and the care involved is constant but she's doing really well considering her limitations

In response to: F$&@ lost another friend

HellonWheelsSenior Contributor

Re: F$&@ lost another friend

I don't want to talk to her as I'm scared what she will say about me. I feel it's immature of me.

In response to: F$&@ lost another friend

HellonWheelsSenior Contributor

Re: F$&@ lost another friend

I meant to say it takes an hr a DAY ( lol).

In response to: F$&@ lost another friend

KurraSenior Contributor

Re: F$&@ lost another friend

No worries @pip
I guess I'm more sensitive about this than I realised. I've done the even worse case scenario too many times and spent many months at a time in psych wards on Compulsory inpatient treatment orders and too frequently in isolation wards.

The really fabulous thing though is that with full medication compliance, recovery with age is possible. 🎶💕

In response to: F$&@ lost another friend

HellonWheelsSenior Contributor

Re: F$&@ lost another friend

Great!
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