F$&@ lost another friend

Just noticed she blocked me on Facebook
Trouble is they live 100 metres from our house so is going to be uncomfortable

Hi @HellonWheels 🙂

Lots of hugs 🙂 Warm fuzzy ones. 🙂

I've had similar things happen, I don't have bipolar, there is no autism in our family.

There are, however, unpleasant people everywhere. Don't blame yourself (easier said than done).

I have no other comments, just go easy on yourself. Please don't blame yourself, at least some, if not most, (maybe all) is the other peoples attitude, and their inability to handle your daughters behaviour.

Maybe in time it will smooth over, I don't know.

Hang in there, and take care of yourself 😉

Hugs 🙂 🙂 🙂

Hi @HellonWheels. Don't take responsibility for your neighbor/friends inability to communicate with your daughter. People who have a limited knowledge of MI often shy away as they don't understand and don't know how to communicate. I work with someone who has Aspergers, (which is in the same neighborhood) he is the nicest, quietest boy, but because of his illness, we tend to 'carry' him slightly. If he gets upset or anxious, he will disappear for a time, we compensate by doing his job. Any sort of MI that is not understood makes friendships difficult. You did nothing wrong, neither did your daughter, neither, actually did your neighbor. Even if she/he was aware of your daughter's MH issues, lack of knowledge concerning Autism meant she/he did not fully understand what it means to have it. The fact that your daughter is able to text is amazing. MI can cause friendships to cease when people don't fully understand, the stigma is, those who are not educated re: MI have this belief they could 'catch' something. The neighbor's only 'fault' here is lack of knowledge or understanding of Autism. Even if they were aware of the Autism, till they have more knowledge it's still a 'grey area' relatively unknown quantity.
When your next neighbor's move in and you meet them, I wouldn't tell them immediately about your daughter. When she meets them how does she react? Is she quiet or talkative. If she is quiet, I would simply tell them she is ultra-shy. If she is talkative, tell them she is nervous and compensates by talking a mile a minute. Let the neighbor's get used to her personality gradually. Once they accept she is either a talker or quiet and you feel they can be trusted (this can take time). Start gradually mentioning you are closely affiliated with Mental Health. Tell them you mainly deal with Autistic sufferers. Get them used to Autism slowly. Can I ask if your daughter has violent tendencies, this guy I work with has some violent tendencies. If he is scared or feels out of his comfort zone, he tends to get anxious and has been known to throw things. Nothing that would actually hurt himself or others, but there is a fear of that anger escalating. We can contact his mother if necessary, but we tend to try to ensure he doesn't get that anxious.

No she rarely gets violent
The neighbours had gone over board sending her a huge flower arrangement kind of going over the top
She sent me a very forceful text saying she was NOT welcome...
She has bipolar too but I'm realising how it's always about her and her needs and how my daughter can cheer her up - unrealistic in a friendship

Oh, thanks.

Hi @HellonWheels. If I've upset you or distressed you in any way, my sincere apologies. Are you saying your neighbor has bipolar? Obviously with bipolar they have severe mood swings, ranging from extreme highs to extreme severe, sometimes almost suicidal depression type lows. Perhaps when your neighbor was experiencing an extreme high, she sent the flowers. Then she 'crashed' and the 'not welcome' text was sent. When someone has a severe form of MI and they seem to 'connect' with someone similar, neither person is equipped to deal with the other. The bipolar sufferer experiences incredible highs and appears to chat and mix freely with everyone. A person with Autism could not possibly recognize or understand this trait, so confusion reigns - big time. The Autistic person has no idea what they've said, or done. Meantime the bipolar sufferer seems to become 'level' and lucid and appears to be all over the Autistic sufferer again - till the bipolar sufferer crashes again, sending everyone around them into a tail spin. This means the carers have to again pick up the pieces and try to soothe the waters. A person suffering with bipolar can be pretty full-on and need someone constantly, then they experience their 'high' and will almost ignore those around them. I would actually try to discourage too much time spent between your daughter and this neighbor, for your daughters sake. Try to explain to your daughter the neighbor is sick and needs to be left alone. If the neighbor sends flowers, a quick 'thank you' note and leave it at that. It's possible your neighbor may already have forgotten her text and may try and re-establish contact. Protect your daughter. She is the important one, not your neighbor. My apologies here for not being conversant with another term for Autism and bipolar. I hope I haven't offended you further.

The neighbour has bipolar
I have bipolar
Daughter has autism-I think she more sane than the two of us😆

Pip
You didn't offend me

Hi @HellonWheels. It sounds to me that you're more aware of the bipolar 'highs' and 'lows' and you know how to cope with them. Daughter having autism would actually make her very intelligent in certain areas. However this doesn't mean your daughter necessarily fully understands the mood swings attached to the bipolar. If the neighbor is sort of denying the bipolar, this will make for a very volatile situation. By denying, I mean the neighbor is possibly aware she has bipolar, or something is not 'right' but telling her she has bipolar would not enhance her. She may also believe she is not 'that bad'. Some people who suffer dementia believe they're not that bad, that they can cope, even though they can't. When someone has a defined MI, that they don't fully understand, they will frequently deny rather than admit to having an illness they can't control. As I said before to distance your daughter from this toxic situation would be better for her. Does your daughter attend respite or anything to give you both 'time out'. Even though she is Autistic, because of her intelligence being ultra- sensitive in certain areas, if you could challenge her interests into those areas, this would be beneficial to both of you, plus you could possibly arrange some much needed 'time out' while she is occupied with her areas. I know you said she has a carer, but she needs time away from home too, to stimulate her.