Connect with people who understand what you are going through, seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.

47,612Members
1,358,869Posts
1,400,000Visitors

Need help with a complex situation with depression

Unknown userMember13 Nov 2016, 1:12 pm AEDT

Need help with a complex situation with depression

Hi,

I usually post on the lived experience forum as I have MI issues but have an issue I am struggling with relating to depression and anxiety with my son's girlfriend who lives under my roof. I am not sure how or if to intervene. It is causing me stress and affecting my mmental health lately too. She has not come out of her room for days and has been demanding of my son who is doing his last exams and needs good grades to do honours next year. They have lived here for about 4months and this would be about the 6th episode. She really has only had about two weeks of being ok. She won't seek help but says she wants my son to get a professional to contact her. I have talked to her about headspace but again she wants them to contact her. She was seeing a psychologist earlier this year but has stopped and has highlighted that she wanted the psychologist to ring her and make the appointments.

Her mood is currently affecting mine and I feel like I'm walking on egg shells, my emotions are starting to spike in unpredictable ways because of this situation too. I have trouble with emotion regulation as I have BPD traits but don't lash out rather turn them inwards. I am watching my son suffer and it's difficult when it's under your roof. He jumps to her every command.

I am am looking for advice to a) help her seek professional help. b) know how to effectively help her. I've been too scared to broach this with her and how I deal with my depression is very different to hers. C) know how to deal with it so it doesn't take me out.

I feel like a hypocrite with this all because I have had several serious episodes of depression and have a couple of hospital admissions during this time so I also feel like anything I say will be seen as the pot calling the kettle black.

Her family is aware of her MH issues but not of her current situation. I don't really have contact with them to ask for help. I guess if it wasn't under my roof I may not get involved but I am seeing it destroy her life and my sons in the process.

Im grateful for any advice.

185 replies

161 - 170 of 185

1...16 17 18 19

In response to: Need help with a complex situation with depression

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor01 Feb 2017, 6:53 pm AEDT

Re: Need help with a complex situation with depression

So keep in mind grounding activities I guess ....

❤️ @Former-Member ....

In response to: Re: Need help with a complex situation with depression

Unknown userMember01 Feb 2017, 6:57 pm AEDT

Re: Need help with a complex situation with depression

Thanks @Faith-and-Hope.

Can you please check in on lj if she doesn't appear tonight for me?

I have a feeling I'll be on jigsaws all night tonight.

In response to: Re: Need help with a complex situation with depression

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor01 Feb 2017, 7:04 pm AEDT

Re: Need help with a complex situation with depression

Hope it's okay to say it .... if S1 does see Northern Lights .... doesn't mean his offer to you doesn't still stand .... really, really hope you take him up on it .... set it as a long-term goal ? Would be brilliant if you all got there together .... pooled resources ....

We hope to go back, maybe next year, with the whole tribe .....

Things like that tell me that WH is still seeing us being together for the long term.

Just asked WH his plans for the day .... full regimen including 2 x jogs n gym .... grrr .... but he is heading into the city for lunch and invited me to come .... 😳 .... probably with MIL in tow ....

Problem .... I'm not really well enough yet and would be risking rebound myself ....

In response to: Re: Need help with a complex situation with depression

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor01 Feb 2017, 7:09 pm AEDT

Re: Need help with a complex situation with depression

LJ sounded tired but good yesterday .... happy with her first day back and her class .... bit it is a full-on one with a number of special-need students .... did you catch that post ? She sounded in her element. This first two weeks will be so full-on for her though .... normal class set-up is crazy-busy but she will have a bunch if individual learning plans to write up along with teaching plans, daily work pad, schedules, meeting with parents, etc .... likely to be forum-absent for these reasons, but also too busy to dwell on her thoughts and feelings.

Hope that helps, but yes, will keep an eye out ....

In response to: Re: Need help with a complex situation with depression

Unknown userMember01 Feb 2017, 7:35 pm AEDT

Re: Need help with a complex situation with depression

We'll see about the northern lights @Faith-and-Hope. I still never see myself being alive that long to tell the truth. My kids will have to do everything the hard way. Both walk out of uni with a $70k debt but at least they are following their dreams and talents. They should be able to work out a good living and not financially struggle too much. I'm hoping this trip for S3 will open his world up. S4 has had the same goal for a few years and pursued it so if this works out I'll be proud. S3 is going closer to the random place I picked out that's on my bucket list, it's a real long shot place, very expensive I'd imagine to get there because of its remoteness. It's Yellowknife in the Northwest Territories in Canada. Kind of good timing for you to post that to take my mind off where I was at. Been having random SI all afternoon but I'm ok, just feeling lost and down.

Thanks for the heads up on lj. And for the support. 💜🤗💐

In response to: Need help with a complex situation with depression

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor01 Feb 2017, 7:51 pm AEDT

Re: Need help with a complex situation with depression

Please keep setting goals @Former-Member, and believe in your recovery .... we all make adjustments to goals that we set according to what life throws at us, and many of us don't come into our own until we are in our 50's a don the kids are raised .....

Do you know how many women I know who surface into this zone to find that their marriage crumbles (empty nest syndrome) and they don't know who they are anymore ? Don't know what they're worth ? Don't even remember what their likes and dislikes were, or how to be ? I know you have a diagnosis being shoved at you, but a lot of what I am hearing is in fact common experience to our age and circumstances ..... you're not alone in it as much as you think, and even if the base causes are different, you're actually in company with a lot of other people .....

Hugs .... 💜🤗💐

In response to: Need help with a complex situation with depression

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor01 Feb 2017, 8:22 pm AEDT

Re: Need help with a complex situation with depression

Btw .... I have been through something of it myself .... a few years ago I found I didn't know how to dress myself in a way I could relate to anymore .... felt I had lost myself and wasn't sure which way was up .... but persevered, slowly trying new things .... looking for myself ....

Think I need to try to go back and finish studies, but don't know how to at the moment .... I have found a doorway, but can't manage life circumstances enough to be able to focus properly .... has to wait ....

💜🤗💐

In response to: Re: Need help with a complex situation with depression

AppleblossomSenior Contributor01 Feb 2017, 8:30 pm AEDT

Re: Need help with a complex situation with depression

What would you be finishing @Faith-and-Hope

I am also curious about your scaffolding idea ...

In response to: Need help with a complex situation with depression

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor01 Feb 2017, 9:11 pm AEDT

Re: Need help with a complex situation with depression

@Appleblossom

BFA - Bachelor of Fine Arts .... in whatever format that comes now .... might be under a Design degree.

Scaffolding is creating a framework .... some sort of persistent system that gives structure to a situation .... a reliable pattern, if you like .... even if it's not perfect and doesn't hold up all the time .... it's enough structure to be able to find your way.

Some people are rigid about it .... The Regimen is scaffolding for instance, but there is a sense of guilt and punishment in not maintaining it or achieving it .... which is what has given it its negative spin. In a moderated form, prone to adaption to circumstances and adhered to without being driven to it / by it ... it would be a healthy thing .... which is how it is masquerading as such. Most people would be unaware of how extreme it is.

When I first left home it was to boarding school at 12. That provided me scaffolding that was only loosely in place at home, because my mum's focus was not at all on keeping house, and it happened haphazardly ..... in amongst living for other things. Had to chase the cat off the clean washing piled as it had come off the line on the spare bed, and iron it, if if we wanted something to wear.

Having three kids under two with major health dramas in D2, in law issues, work-absent husband had me sitting in the floor wondering what the h#ll to do ..... then I thought about how hospitals run, how schools run, how businesses run, and began to problem solve. I developed systems for the household - shortest effort for greatest achievement, and basically reduced the kids and me to living out of my bedroom like a one-room apartment .... only running raids on the rest of the huge child-unfriendly house we were landed in at the time, waiting for the property market to change so we could sell it .... should have been a year in theory .... ended up being 5 in fact.

If you can provide kids the scaffolding, they can build on it. Even if they choose not to use it, or only use some of it, they are aware of its purpose and value, and can grow into it when life becomes more challenging.

I also believe it is an excellent tool for depression .... because it provides structure when the tendency is to let everything slide .... to find stability, cling to the scaffolding and follow it like a guiding light through the darkness .... keeping yourself busy .... giving you something beyond your own thoughts to think about ... and it means everything isn't grinding to a complete halt while you are unwell.

💗

In response to: Re: Need help with a complex situation with depression

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor01 Feb 2017, 9:15 pm AEDT

Re: Need help with a complex situation with depression

Thanks @NikNik .... just crossed over posts with you, but I hope I have just brought it back onto topic with that last one.

161 - 170 of 185

1...16 17 18 19