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Something’s not right

Fear of being judged.

Fear of being judged.

I had a weird start to the morning.

I had cash and I went to buy some coffee. The barista said “umm, it’s $5.50, but I don’t have any silver coins. Can you pay by card?” I said “hang on, I’ll go to the Woolworths across the road and ask for coins.” I got there and they said “this is a Woolworths Metro, we don’t hold cash. You can pay with cash but it goes in and out through a machine.” I went back to the barista and they said “we’ll make it $5, it’s fine.”

I mean who doesn’t have silver coins, but I like that it was resolved LOL?

I can’t wait until I get paid.

Until I get paid, my Mum has been giving me some money every week, for coffee and food at work. I live with my family, so groceries and stuff are taken care of, with money that comes from my Dad and brother as well.

I ran out of money on Wednesday. I didn’t eat lunch or have coffee on Thursday. I asked my brother if he had any money, and he passed the word on to my Mum.

My Mum said “how many times have I told you? If something happens, don’t hide it. No-one’s going to judge you. Say ‘Mum, I ran out of money’, so what?”

When I had a breakdown last month, the same thing happened. I got drunk.

Instead of saying that I was drunk, I ran from home, because I was embarrassed.

I was drinking because I lost my job. I didn’t tell them that I lost my job, because I was embarrassed at that too, even though it wasn’t my fault.

When I was a kid, I went to the Easter Show. If you can picture it, I was standing next to the line for the bumper cars, which were obviously under cover. It started raining. Instead of asking someone to move over so I could get under cover, I stood there until my family looked back to see where I was and saw me, SOAKING wet. They tell that story all the time, like “why wouldn’t you say ‘excuse me, can you make some room.’”

I have had severe left side chest pain and not said anything. It took that for me to CONSIDER going to the hospital. I […] hate cannulas. Almost every time you go to Emergency, they have to put one in case you die and they don’t have time to find a vein. Not to mention, most of the time it’s not a heart attack. Like you could be in the worst pain of your life and the doctor will say “the X-rays look normal, it’s just bruising.”

This sort of thing is funny, but it’s not funny. How do you become more comfortable with being 100% honest about what’s going on?

18 replies

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In response to: Fear of being judged.

Re: Fear of being judged.

Hi @BlueBells

What I said was not meant as a "throw away" comment - though you are entitled to think it is. It is my belief that most people are not judging us - and if by chance we feel they are - then are we not judging them? Just asking - that's all.

Of course - though the course of any day we may have to evaluate someone's behaviour - which is different - we are working out our boundaries in such situations - when we are evaluating something - and it depends on how we read the situation - how we feel when we sort that out. I truly believe most people are not judging people and even if they are - it's their business - not ours. So maybe I was not at my best - which I am not at the moment - but I was sincere.

When it comes to asking someone if they are OK - well - I have a rule of thumb - I never ask a question if I can't deal with the answer - so if the situation is not opportune - I don't ask - and I accept the 'I'm okay" answer even if I can see that's not the truth - it's always up to the other person

But then - without asking the question - it just happens - in a queue - on a plane - waiting for time to pass as we must sometimes - I have had people open their hearts to me - and this is fine - I just listen - and these random people I never see again are grateful - and I never take on their problems - I just accept the situation. If the other person is bothered by what they have told me - they have no need to worry - I usually forget it all - though I often remember the person themselves. It's okay.

And it's okay to be honest - in fact - it's better to be honest - if we feel we are not being taken seriously - maybe this is something we learn when we get older - seniority has a great side to it - the past teaches us so much - I am always happy to pass on my thoughts to other people without fear of sanction.

This is life going on - I wish you the best with your efforts

Owlunar.

In response to: Re: Fear of being judged.

Re: Fear of being judged.

Thanks @tyme

Owlunar

In response to: Re: Fear of being judged.

Re: Fear of being judged.

Hi @Owlunar

Wow, that's taken a while to read!

Okay. "throw away comment". I tried to explain that to someone who tends to be more sensitive like I am, it can, sometimes, feel like that. I was not in anyway saying that you meant it like that. It's all a matter of perception.

re the RUOK type questions, I simply said how I find it personally, I was not attacking you, so you are in no need to defend yourself.

Your closing line, I could take that in two ways, but either way, it's not worth the drama.

Maybe re-read what I wrote, you may see that I was not attacking anyone, just stating how I feel, how things affect me, that is all.

cheers

In response to: Fear of being judged.

Re: Fear of being judged.

Hi @Shasan

I find it hard to ask for help too - I find it hard to write about the difficult parts of my life - here - even - I do write about something things but others - uh uh - I think writing them and putting them out on the internet is too personal - and if anyone feels that way or wants to share - either is fine with me - I let people be who they are and they can share if they want to.

But being vulnerable - yes - that is something else again. Recently I was in hospital with two painful injuries on the same arm and I needed a dressing done often and pain management - other things that happened - happened - and I felt shattered by the whole experience - I can write that now but actually - I had trouble with the hospital's Wi-Fi and couldn't post into the forum though I let the moderators know - I was vulnerable and I knew I was pushed past what I felt was my tether but still someone coped with it all - whatever "coping" means.

Also - I don't think being vulnerable or needing help reflects badly upon you or me or anyone else - I have heard and read about people being "needy" and my attitude is - what's wrong with that? If a person needs something they need it - and they are walking in their shoes and we are walking in our own so how can we tell what they are "needing" - if they can tell us - then if we can help we can offer it - otherwise - we can let them know we care - and if we are able - we can listen.

I wish you all the best and it's great you are learning about life as you go through it - the path can be very tough

All the best

Owlunar

In response to: Fear of being judged.

Re: Fear of being judged.

hi @florencefifty

How's things?

In response to: Re: Fear of being judged.

Re: Fear of being judged.

Haha @BlueBells, not bad, I just logged on to write another post!

In response to: Re: Fear of being judged.

Re: Fear of being judged.

hi there @florencefifty

I just noticed you seemed to have gotten lost on your own thread, just checking in on you, if that makes sense 🙂

In response to: Re: Fear of being judged.

Re: Fear of being judged.

Aw, I definitely understand what you mean, I appreciate it 😊.

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