florencefiftySenior Contributor
Fear of being judged.
I had a weird start to the morning.
I had cash and I went to buy some coffee. The barista said “umm, it’s $5.50, but I don’t have any silver coins. Can you pay by card?” I said “hang on, I’ll go to the Woolworths across the road and ask for coins.” I got there and they said “this is a Woolworths Metro, we don’t hold cash. You can pay with cash but it goes in and out through a machine.” I went back to the barista and they said “we’ll make it $5, it’s fine.”
I mean who doesn’t have silver coins, but I like that it was resolved LOL?
I can’t wait until I get paid.
Until I get paid, my Mum has been giving me some money every week, for coffee and food at work. I live with my family, so groceries and stuff are taken care of, with money that comes from my Dad and brother as well.
I ran out of money on Wednesday. I didn’t eat lunch or have coffee on Thursday. I asked my brother if he had any money, and he passed the word on to my Mum.
My Mum said “how many times have I told you? If something happens, don’t hide it. No-one’s going to judge you. Say ‘Mum, I ran out of money’, so what?”
When I had a breakdown last month, the same thing happened. I got drunk.
Instead of saying that I was drunk, I ran from home, because I was embarrassed.
I was drinking because I lost my job. I didn’t tell them that I lost my job, because I was embarrassed at that too, even though it wasn’t my fault.
When I was a kid, I went to the Easter Show. If you can picture it, I was standing next to the line for the bumper cars, which were obviously under cover. It started raining. Instead of asking someone to move over so I could get under cover, I stood there until my family looked back to see where I was and saw me, SOAKING wet. They tell that story all the time, like “why wouldn’t you say ‘excuse me, can you make some room.’”
I have had severe left side chest pain and not said anything. It took that for me to CONSIDER going to the hospital. I […] hate cannulas. Almost every time you go to Emergency, they have to put one in case you die and they don’t have time to find a vein. Not to mention, most of the time it’s not a heart attack. Like you could be in the worst pain of your life and the doctor will say “the X-rays look normal, it’s just bruising.”
This sort of thing is funny, but it’s not funny. How do you become more comfortable with being 100% honest about what’s going on?
