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Something’s not right

Winter solstice

Winter solstice

Longest night of the year and the darkness and coldness have really hit. Things seem really bleak. I've been struggling for a long time and was pacing myself to this point but can't see beyond it. I'm safe but despairing. I'm trapped in a vortex of family dysfunction from earliest years and emotional pain, received and (mea culpa) inflicted. I can't help my closest sibling - all others are estranged - and I don't seem able to extricate myself from personal difficulties and dilemmas that at present ďefine me - I have no connections or other identity. I've lost faith in my mh team.

I guess the sun will rise tomorrow, and I'll keep taking one day at a time, but I can't envision a future, my future.

1444 replies

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In response to: Winter solstice

Re: Winter solstice

Wonderful ❤️ @Dimity 😊

Hello @NatureLover 🥰

In response to: Re: Winter solstice

Re: Winter solstice

@Dimity Thinking of you and hoping you can rest and settle back into your house and life after your major surgery ❤

In response to: Re: Winter solstice

Re: Winter solstice

Thanks @NatureLover . Very minor surgery really - I just feared the repercussions if it went wrong.

Yes settling back is a challenge, back to the daily grind. I'll have to decide what to do next, and whether to just scale back the paid help or cancel it. I guess I'll still be sub-par physically until after my other surgery which now looks to be October.

Today I had an unexpected call from an old friend I rarely hear from and we went to lunch.

Is your asthma easing yet? We'll have more wintry weather so I hope you can cope.

In response to: Re: Winter solstice

Re: Winter solstice

Hello @Shaz51 did you have a good day?

In response to: Re: Winter solstice

Re: Winter solstice

What operation are you having in October @Dimity 🥰

Think holding on to you paid help would be still good at the moment

What do they do for you if you don't mind me asking xxx

Hello @NatureLover

In response to: Re: Winter solstice

Re: Winter solstice

Hi @Dimity

Very lazy day today

Did some shredding old papers

Raining 🌧 all day today

In response to: Re: Winter solstice

Re: Winter solstice

It's a gynae thing that's been quite troublesome @Shaz51. When they tried a treatment a couple of months ago it went wrong, I was incapacitated for a while and had several hospital visits. The specialist has just been waiting for me to get the eye surgery out of the way. When it's fixed I'll be able to do more.

The last 3 weeks I've had help to weed the garden, clean the house (I couldn't see the cobwebs) and transport boxes. I don't have any funding for it so I'll have to think about it carefully if I continue. I'd like help to declutter, and plan for repairs and renovations but that's probably a different skillset.

In response to: Re: Winter solstice

Re: Winter solstice

Hi @Dimity , October seems quite a way away, considering you are still limited in what you can do. 😥

I hope you can see a way to keep on the paid help, considering how difficult it is to find.

Lovely to go out for lunch! I hope you enjoyed it.

My asthma is still bad and I'm still sick. Doctor today for (hopefully) stronger antibiotics. I've finished the emergency steroids for the bad asthma so don't know what they can do about that 😣

In response to: Re: Winter solstice

Re: Winter solstice

Thanks @NatureLover yes I enjoyed the lunch. A rare treat.

I'm concerned about your asthma. I hope the Dr could help today. I don't know much about asthma - do you have a nebuliser or anything to help you breathe?

Today I negotiated with my helper and will cut back considerably but continue for a few weeks more. Mainly for help with transport. It means I'm locked into dealing with a lot of stuff and some associated issues and I'm dreading it.

October isn't far off now. I'll need to research my options - the specialist gave me some stuff to read but I haven't got onto it yet. And I see the psychologist for the last time on Monday. As the saying goes, the only constant is change.

How are you bearing up? Your SAD and MH in general may be challenging at present with your illness. Are you able to get groceries etc online? (Although I know you prefer not to.)

In response to: Re: Winter solstice

Re: Winter solstice

Hope you are both okay @Dimity @NatureLover . Sounds like a tough time. I have asthma too, and it's been playing up. Is it the weather @NatureLover ?

Also @Shaz51 . Hope you are okay too. Haven't seen you around tonight.

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