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Something’s not right

Winter solstice

Winter solstice

Longest night of the year and the darkness and coldness have really hit. Things seem really bleak. I've been struggling for a long time and was pacing myself to this point but can't see beyond it. I'm safe but despairing. I'm trapped in a vortex of family dysfunction from earliest years and emotional pain, received and (mea culpa) inflicted. I can't help my closest sibling - all others are estranged - and I don't seem able to extricate myself from personal difficulties and dilemmas that at present ďefine me - I have no connections or other identity. I've lost faith in my mh team.

I guess the sun will rise tomorrow, and I'll keep taking one day at a time, but I can't envision a future, my future.

1444 replies

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In response to: Winter solstice

Re: Winter solstice

You're right, it was lovely sitting outside yesterday.


@Dimity wrote:

I've been working on resolving the complicated issues with my sister but I'm feeling conflicted and have had differing advice. There's a lot of pressure. Maybe counselling will help. It affects so many areas of my life.


I'm really sorry to hear this... When are you next seeing your counsellor?

Yes, it has been a difficult year, especially for you 😢🫂

@Dimity

In response to: Re: Winter solstice

Re: Winter solstice

I saw the counsellor today @NatureLover and it was pretty heavy going. She suggested a way of working together so I guess that was positive. She said it won't be easy to work on both present difficulties and past trauma but I think it's all related so worth the effort.

I'm glad you enjoyed sitting outside yesterday. I don't have anywhere to sit in my garden... something to consider. And I still haven't set up my reading nook. I ache to feel at home yet have lived here so long. I

In response to: Re: Winter solstice

Re: Winter solstice


@Dimity wrote:

I ache to feel at home yet have lived here so long.


This made me sad @Dimity 😢. Is there room in your lush garden for a chair?

Are you OK with the way of working together that your counsellor suggested?

Sending hugs...

In response to: Re: Winter solstice

Re: Winter solstice

I'll work on it @NatureLover

In response to: Re: Winter solstice

Re: Winter solstice

My apologies for oversharing on your hoarding thread @NatureLover... it's your space. You're facing a lot of challenges at the moment and I'm not sure how best to support you. It's been good to have an accountability buddy but I've lapsed.

I really feel for you and see parallels with some of my own experiences. I'm mostly in touch with my memories now but not so much my emotions or being able to visualise a way forward. I think I'm ready to start moving on and am happy to accompany you on your journey if that's what you want... or just barrack for you from the sidelines.

Take care

Dimity

In response to: Re: Winter solstice

Re: Winter solstice

Dear @Dimity , you haven't at all "overshared on my hoarding thread" - on the contrary, I really like that you write on there about your troubles or your day.

I'm OK at the moment - no need for you to worry. You support me already by listening, remembering what I've told you in the past, caring and also sharing about you. You're important to me.

I would definitely welcome and be grateful for you sharing my journey, and would be interested in hearing your wisdom as you are obviously (sadly) experienced in this trauma journey 💔


@Dimity wrote:

I really feel for you and see parallels with some of my own experiences. I'm mostly in touch with my memories now but not so much my emotions or being able to visualise a way forward. I think I'm ready to start moving on


I think your psychologist is helping with this? I'm glad you feel ready to move on. 💚

Thank you for your kind words.

In response to: Re: Winter solstice

Re: Winter solstice

Thankyou so much @NatureLover .

I think it's actually relatively new to me to see this as a "trauma journey" despite having lived it. Having compassionate friends is priceless.

In response to: Re: Winter solstice

Re: Winter solstice

Hello @NatureLover @tyme @Appleblossom and anyone reading

I've been in a slump but in the last few days have been assessed with several lumbar spine issues with wide-ranging effects, and extremely severe depression. I'm launching into trauma therapy for the first time and am about to start a care plan with an osteopath. Tonight I start a new sleep regimen with hopes I can maintain it.(perhaps I can, as I've stuck with walking even when it's been really hard to keep going). I can't fix my family but me, I intend to become a work in progress.

In response to: Re: Winter solstice

Re: Winter solstice

@Dimity It sounds to me that you might be entering a new phase? Where you are tackling some long-standing physical and emotional issues? Well done...we are here to support you 🙂

I especially hope that the trauma therapy can unlock some healing for you - that was how it worked for me over time.

In response to: Re: Winter solstice

Re: Winter solstice

Good to get your tag @Dimity

Not good your in a slump but you have enough cause to be. Work in progress has been my motto for a long time, since I first the phrase about 40 years ago. Yep thats me, and my garden and my house. lol

Spinal issues are the pits.

I valued the input of an OT a few years ago. They were critical in getting me support for my spinal issues whereas others were dismissing them and me.

It is hard with serious MH issues in the family. We live with it. Put in lots of work, but it can feel like it is never ending and never enough.

Gentle Hugs.

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