Winter solstice

@Dimity I have daylilies and red hot pokers. Only ever bought one of each ... but they did multiply ...

Wish there was more respect in the world.

@Appleblossom I continue to admire your "transition" to being social... prob takes quickness of mind and adroitness of footwork. I had to google the Cutter lab incident - unfortunate for both the victims and vaccine developers, with lasting repercussions.

Yes the bulbs had multiplied. Years of establishment gone in a day, like shrubs that were previous targets. I wonder what will go next.

I haven't found my tribe but am venturing out a little again hoping something will click.

Stupid man @Dimity

What we put up with... weary sigh.

Part of my motivation is to model possibilities for my son. So that is a strong reason. I have been pretty isolated for a while, it happened gradually. Since I have tried to reintegrate. Any of the issues have really been due to people being really obnoxious as I am pretty adept at side stepping and 2 stepping and walking away etc etc. It is not just about me. I see the kind of things that my father would have dealt with and my sibs etc, so I am not taking it so personally, which is a huge shift for me. Growing up with little privacy and not much of a sense of self I internalised a lot that was just other people mouthing off. I have worked thru a lot of that, now and am pretty analytical about interpersonal stuff these days. Taking one step and one issue at a time. My diplomacy is getting less and less, but its still my natural style.

Hope you find more to call your tribe soon. It was horrible when I felt my physical neighbours were not good for me or my friends. That has changed but it was hard going. They dont have to be bosom buddies, just sufficient respect is all I want. Not stigma, bullies, bitchiness or digs.

One lady has toned down her attitude and I think feels genuinely sorry for going in too hard. I did tell her to leave my visitors alone, but in last year she has figured out I am good person and neighbour and she is not teasing or picking on me. I can accept that she gets on better with a new lady. Neither are educated and both very Aussie, thats fine. The ointernal shift for me, is that I know it is outside of me, and not inside of me. For a long time I was not sure. It certainly helps having a front door and a safe haven inside my own home.

Modelling possibilities for your son... absolutely @Appleblossom

Glad you have safe haven and can sally forth or not as you choose. I rattle around in here feeling a bit trapped but at the same time nervous of what's outside. I was extending myself more in my 20s and 30s but self-sabotaged... with poor mh and bad decisions not sure which was cause and which effect, but devoid of life skills and emotional intelligence from way back... not a happy history.

Sleep a bit disrupted at present, chores not done, burnt dinner. Must do better.

I went thru a burned dinner phase and an undercooked spud phase. @Dimity Try not to let it get you down.

During my 20s and 30s I had too much on, for socialisng. I went to the pub once during my degree which took 8 years part time! I had worked at a coffee shop in Lygon st but did not go for coffees as it was not really in my budget. Now I can. Not that I choose the pub! lol Cant have too many brewed coffees these days either. Mostly I just like my water bottle.

Another week gone. The weekend ahead. My neighbour came for a chat - first company for nearly a week.

@Dimity

It seems the world is more and more fragmented and human contact lessened, unless it is online. Hope it was a pleasant time.

My emotional intelligence is not great. I have some self awareness, but it is in the social interactions that I struggles. Have decided ... I need to wear a breastplate, stop opening up and be tougher, but it takes me ages to actually get the idea .. cos there I go and say something self sabotagy again ... anyway. I am trying to be me rather than merely being a reaction to all the other forces in my life.

Hi @Appleblossom . My neighbour is pleasant enough if I'm upwind.

I struggled relating at work. Toughing it out vs opening up... dunno... in the end I settled for being straightforward and feeling authentic but I guess others made up their own minds... in the end I parachuted out. Still have just about no sense of agency.

It sounds as though you do better when interactions are purposive... the social fluff may be trickier.

I was unable to post or tag after updating my phone OS but I updated again and it seems to have settled.

I need to get over feeling miserabubble. The cat's a bit cranky too, he's due for his arthritis shot.

Oh well ... feeling my arthritis and a bit miserabubble here. Just watched a WimHof doco and was a good girl and did my stretches on the floor getting ready for bed. I do my exercises for a few weeks then need a week off or something ... weary sigh ... feeling sad about the state of the world too.

Made a yum mild spicey tuna mornay with lots vegies and a little wholemeal pasta. We are not keto any more but lowering all the carbs.

@Dimity

@Appleblossom I had to google Wim Hof. The cold therapies don't appeal... I find heat packs and warmth give relief.

Feeling sad about the state of the world... yes... dunno how to make a difference... but many good people are trying.

Your tuna mornay sounds good.