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Something’s not right

Winter solstice

Winter solstice

Longest night of the year and the darkness and coldness have really hit. Things seem really bleak. I've been struggling for a long time and was pacing myself to this point but can't see beyond it. I'm safe but despairing. I'm trapped in a vortex of family dysfunction from earliest years and emotional pain, received and (mea culpa) inflicted. I can't help my closest sibling - all others are estranged - and I don't seem able to extricate myself from personal difficulties and dilemmas that at present ďefine me - I have no connections or other identity. I've lost faith in my mh team.

I guess the sun will rise tomorrow, and I'll keep taking one day at a time, but I can't envision a future, my future.

1444 replies

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In response to: Winter solstice

Re: Winter solstice

definitely so, @Dimity

Actually brings to mind another of mary Oliver's... I might send it sometime 🙏

In response to: Re: Winter solstice

Re: Winter solstice

 @Dimity

In response to: Re: Winter solstice

Re: Winter solstice

@Dimity

Thats great ...My new affirmation is "I live here" after years of shuttling and many more of feeling out of place.

Claim your space with pride. I hope you have good photos of any plants that are no longer where you put them or loved them. I have deliberately employed growth, garden and earthy metaphors. Somehow it was as much a spiritual form of practice for me as Christian or Eastern.

I know you walk with ongoing difficulties with siblings. It takes a lot of sensitivity and almost discipline to be able to detach from it in self care.

Hey @Kyle1

Namitjara

In response to: Re: Winter solstice

Re: Winter solstice

Hey, @Appleblossom

I remember you were one of my first contacts here at Sane Forums. If not the first of all...

I actually have a personal story regarding your user name (which I won't go into here).

But thank you for being around! 🫂

I hope you're well and in good dental health after everything...

Kindest regards ✨️

In response to: Re: Winter solstice

Re: Winter solstice

Thanks @Appleblossom . Browsing re choosing to settle... Benedictine notion of "stability"... to cultivate rootedness and a shared sense of mission in the immediate community... but it ain't easy. "Ultimately there is no escape from oneself, and the idea that things would be better someplace else is usually an illusion." Lots of knots to unravel.

When I was small we had a couple of Namatjira prints... I love the colours and purple shadows.

In response to: Re: Winter solstice

Re: Winter solstice

@Kyle1 Hey! Have 2 return visits booked to dentist fortnightly. So far so good. Better keep teeth in mouth if poss....

@Dimity My dad told me about him as an artist when I was a kid. Looked him up later... one of the wonders having an internet ... so many things we can research.

Yep I was also brought up with respect for monastic traditions.

The wife of a minister I know keeps going on about Christianity and science as being opposed, but she never did science, and I did ... so I dont buy that line. My interests in Christianity are pretty eclectic. Anything that gave me a good experience in a rough childhood, some kindness or charity, or gave me a sense of settling... my nanna did a twisted thread Tree of Life embroidery ... and my brother made a beautiful Tree of life lead light for a Renew group... yes rootedness is hugely important. Drove home past all my old haunts today ... including the cemetery where dad and sis are buried ... where we lived for 7 years .... only stable place ... and my 2 first jobs ... I always feel good about going that way ... even if it is not always the quickest way home ... to where I live now.

Your friendship matters to me.

In response to: Re: Winter solstice

Re: Winter solstice

@Appleblossom I read Steven Jay Gould on science and religion as non-overlapping magisteria... but personally think they might illuminate each other. A while back I tried to find a particular book on the universality of Tree of Life imagery across cultures but it was out of print and unavailable. I'd heard it was exceptional.

Glad you're at peace with that old neighbourhood. Of the times we were in one place, one is a long way away and I gather much changed. The other... we were I suppose settled for a while but it felt like a pressure-cooker. I have a handful of happy memories of my grandparents' place tempered with sadness and inadequacy.

Religion - organised religion - is a bit of a closed book to me, having been confused by contrary claims in the interdenominational warfare for our childish hearts and minds, apart from my being predestined for hell. Yet I'm drawn to it in some ways, at least some of the time, and curious about theology.

Thanks for your friendship.

In response to: Re: Winter solstice

Re: Winter solstice

See you even knew about Jay Gould! @Dimity Not many do. A catholic fellow in a choir told me about him. I have not gone into it in an academic fashion or a complete manner. I am wary of American conflations, fundamental distinctions and various confusions ... my in laws were well to do Americans and also made a lot of mistakes.. I am only interested in dialogue not really debate ...

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Non-overlapping_magisteria

Some might think of it as a form of cognitive dissonance...

Even ... the fact /values distinction can be tricky. As science is also a human endeavour ... I do not always associate it with facts ... give or take 10%... was what I was taught.

It is just my path which has lead to that perspective. Yes there was a lot of silly interdenomination tiffs, and still leak out at times.

In response to: Re: Winter solstice

Re: Winter solstice

@Appleblossom science is indeed a human endeavour and much of it is socially constructed.

It once occurred to me re creationism that we receive the world we were born into and perhaps then step into the role of co-creator. Hard to reconcile with the actions of a neighbour who today oversaw the uprooting of bluebells daffodils daylilies and red hot pokers in his continuing flattening of the common garden... in the last instalment he'd disclaimed responsibility when reminded he had no authority.

In response to: Re: Winter solstice

Re: Winter solstice

Oh no @Dimity That rude dude is still at it. Sorry for your plant loss.

They are all around. One who elbowed me out of one of my guerilla gardens did not answer me when I asked on fb where he had taken a lot of plants. Let it go. I crossed the road ... but those rude dudes keep popping up. My way or the highway ...

I had to deal with one at music today. A couple weeks ago he BULLDOZED me and frightened the group. I let it go .... for the good of the group. Which we do again and again. I guess I have to have my big girl pants on, and say ... that is the luck in a big city. Anyway, I have made the transition into being social ... older and wiser ...stronger, still sensitive, not everyone is going to love me ... thats alright ... and thank god ...I do not have to love everyone ...

You hit the nail on the head ... science is socially constructed. There are funding fortune and prestige issues and cover ups all over the place.

I read about the Cutter laboratories incident recently. Tragedy for polio victims.

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