Winter solstice

Hello @Dimity @Shaz51 @NatureLover

Hello lovely,

@Appleblossom

I have been keeping up with your posts and it always makes me smile to read how evocative and healing music is for you, as well as your growing connections and safety within your community too. 🥰

I would love some more updates about how things are feeling in your world. How is your son?

PS: I am asking directly because I want to make sure I haven't missed any posts. 🫶

Hello @Appleblossom .

Sorry I was unable to respond to recent posts adequately on your thread.

A family member had been swinging between extremes of acceptance and rejection, perhaps they have BPD as well as other challenges. And I said goodbye to the cat several days ago, as he'd deteriorated further and managing his condition without distressing him wasn't possible. I've had to wash and dry soft furnishings and need to straighten things sufficiently to get steam cleaning. He certainly left his mark. My support worker ended up coming only once before cancelling repeatedly and eventually dumping me. I'm resisting sliding into deep depression.

I was touched by the vet's kindness at coming after hours on a home visit, so Tiger passed at home.

Enjoy your church music tomorrow.

@NatureLover @Shaz51

Hello lovely!

How are you feeling this week? @Dimity

I am touching on the message you shared on the 17th. 🫶

Honestly, I completely see why your trust in supports has been shaken and I can understand why EMDR feels too much for your nervous system to hold right now.

Out of all of your supports, who do you feel the most comfortable addressing your feelings with?

And regarding your family, I can only imagine how disheartening this has all been... you have tried so hard to make family therapy happen. It isn't always helpful to hear that things are out of our control, is it? Especially when we feel so deeply about a situation, have tried so hard to evoke change, and need our experiences to be held and validated. What support do you wish that your counsellor had provided instead?

Also how have things with your support worker been going? 🥰

Hello @AuntGlow .

I have no psychological supports at present other than brief texts from family to check on my welfare.

A family member has been swinging between extremes of acceptance and rejection, perhaps they have BPD as well as other challenges. And I said goodbye to the cat several days ago, as he'd deteriorated further and managing his condition without distressing him wasn't possible. I've had to wash and dry soft furnishings and need to straighten things sufficiently to get steam cleaning. He certainly left his mark. My support worker ended up coming only once before cancelling repeatedly and eventually dumping me. I'm resisting sliding into deep depression.

I was touched by the vet's kindness at coming after hours on a home visit, so Tiger passed at home.

Sorry I've lost track of conversations here.

Hugs @Dimity I am really sorry your cat has passed away. I am glad that the vet was good and maybe it was a relief for your cat and time to go home....still hard to watch and make the decisions.

I know you have a lot of challenges at the moment.

poo on that support worker. You deserve better.

Your family member's oscillations in rejection and acceptance would be excruciating. I sense you have experienced a lot from her before, so al though it might be failiar, it could be very wearing , even excruiciating. DO what you need to care for YOU. I'm glad some family are checking in, but I wish you had decent formal supports.

I did my comedy thing tonight. It was weird for me, but kind of a spiritual process in finding the funny sides of some aspects of my music life. Trying anyway. My son is stoic and alright, though his general situation isn't great. I do worry about him a lot these days. He gave me hug and enquired about the show.

@AuntGlow

@NatureLover @tyme @Shaz51

@Dimity I'm glad you were able to get a vet to come to the house.

Would you consider looking for a different support worker?

Thanks @Appleblossom and @NatureLover .

Yes the family stuff is excruciating at times.

There's a strong sense of being unworthy and despicable over looking for support And I don't have the spoons for the search process.

I'm still a bit raw re my loss, and don't have many good photos.

Did you have a good audience for your stand up Apple? And will you pursue it? Fingers crossed the cabaret act is also successful. It must tug at your heartstrings to see your son being stoic. I guess the legal imbroglio rolls on.

I'm expecting a quiet week. Perhaps a time to reflect, before a way forward emerges.

@Dimity

The room felt full, but it was a very small room... maybe 30... a warm supportive crowd... I dont think its a new career path..lol... but it is a good way to meet new people and to do something else that is positive for me and not get sucked into conflict. Good for my soul... to look for things that tickle my ... weird funny bone... it feels like a healthy diversion...

however, I simultaneously struggle with feelings of ..unworthiness .. too... just the way it is ... getting people to give support has not been my strong point... a quiet week can be good...

our pets are so important, and a huge loss when they go ... find your best path for soothing your grief...did they have a favourite corner or chair?