Winter solstice

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@Dimity wrote:

Thank you for thinking of me @tyme .

It brought tears and some relief. I've tended my sore eyes and headache. I've had 3 days of hostile messages and apparent confusion from a family member.

You asked earlier about my eyedrops. An optometrist told me to keep using them despite the pain, until I see the specialist again. So I'd asked a pharmacist, a gp, someone at the specialist, and this optometrist. I'm scared because when I had similar trouble with the same active ingredient years ago it coincided with cornea damage and loss of one eye. It's supposed to slow or prevent further vision loss from my glaucoma.

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Awww @Dimity , I just read your post. I've said it before and I say it again - you mean a lot to us and the forums community. We you are hurting, so are we.

I hope you get some relief from the pain that you get from the eye drops. It just sounds so odd that you've been asked to continue something that you have a reaction to. Oh well, if that's what the doc says, then go for it.

Is there anything I can do to lift your load a bit tonight?

Hello lovely @Dimity!

How are you? 💖

I am so relieved to hear that the procedure went well. 😍

How are you recovering? And is it nice to be home with your fur baby?

Accessing more support from Mable sounds like a wonderful idea. Could you choose your support based on what you need most right now? Also, it's okay to feel all that you're feeling - shame is allowed to be there. I am learning that viewing things like shame as information about my beliefs/to gain better understanding about what I am needing is really helpful.

What do you notice happens when you sit with the idea of shame being information? 💛

Oh gosh, Dimity. I am so sorry this happened... to have felt gaslit and unsupported when you knew there was something not right about your eyesight must have felt awful.

Again, I am so proud of you for advocating for yourself, that takes immense courage and inner trust to do so. I hope you're also able to see your strength in taking this action. 🥰

I know you still have many unresolved challenges with family, so I am here if you would like to talk about any of it, okay? Big hugs.

Hello @Appleblossom @NatureLover,

Just checking in and hoping you are both well.

Would love to hear your updates this week. 🎶🍃

Like @Dimity said, we are all more than diagnoses. @Appleblossom

And I am so glad you can look back at those experiences and see how much mum and dad influenced your creative expression and connection to music. How beautiful. 🥹💛

Shame as information... in most cases the shameful situations weren't of my making @AuntGlow . I do feel shame for wanting to be seen and heard while at the same time being unable to identify or articulate what I need.

I've been accused of being manipulative and controlling yet I don't think I've shown any of those behaviours except perhaps self-serving rationalisation - it's hard not to when dealing with someone with memory loss. On the other hand they may be projecting.

I apologise this once again doesn't seem "recovery oriented". At times I'm treading water rather than swimming. At present I'm going under at times. I'm ashamed of that too. Sorry @tyme .

Thanks, I'm a little sore at times from the procedure, and won't have the results confirmed for a while, but I'm relieved to safely home. My poor old cat is very unhappy although I've started him on very expensive long acting pain relief in case that's an issue. His vocalisations are quite distressing. I suspect dementia and cycle through possible needs to calm him.

Thanks @tyme , my asthma is perhaps improving a little.

@Dimity I'm sorry to hear about your cat and the hostile messages from your family. And that you feel like you're going under 😥

Wishing you strength and hope 🤞

Thanks @AuntGlow @tyme I am being stoic, as the best possible approach at the moment.

@Dimity I can only imagine how it might feel being told to keep taking something that had been problematic in the past, to the level of eye loss. A bit gobsmacked really. You have asked 3 professionals. I dont know. Sending best wishes.

@NatureLoverglad your asthma is improving a little

@Shaz51 hugs

Stoicism can certainly be helpful to draw upon when things are feeling overwhelming. I know you always have the ability to work things out, you're an incredibly resourceful individual. @Appleblossom

That being said, is there anything you'd like to talk out with us at all? 🫶

@Appleblossom @NatureLover @AuntGlow yesterday I spat the dummy and initiated an urgent evaluation of my sore eyes. The specialist fitted me in and confirmed rare sensitivity/allergy, tacitly confirming the same active ingredient may have been a factor in my part blindness. Then I had a super expensive taxi ride to pick up new eye drops from a distant pharmacy.

To top it off the pharmacy spun me the story the new eyedrops weren't on PBS. As soon as I got back in the taxi I googled and found it was indeed on PBS at a fraction of the price.

I'm so disappointed in the succession of professionals I consulted fruitlessly weeks ago. My eyesight deteriorated noticeably in that time and I had unnecessary pain. Today I'm tired, relieved, and utterly bemused by the constant need for awareness and self advocacy to get a fair go.

@tymemedical gaslighting might not be a recognised term but I wonder if those of us with mh conditions receive more than most.

because the issues i face are in the legal domain and only indirectly involve me, (re through my love of my son and grandson) i probably should not discuss it too much @AuntGlow lawyers will want a bit of my house, and i am not sure that it will be worth it or wise.

@Dimity i dont know what else to do, except be stoic. I studied classical civilsation in the 1970s, and the stoics were only one group of many. I do not idolise it as an approach, though it has been popular on youtube. Its also my way of being very brief, and compressing complex issues, for my own self as well, so as not to open it all up and retraumatise myself. Short hand for... going thru a lot.

re your eye drops situation...it is triply outrageous... 1. that you are dismissed, causing more anxiety, 2. that your eyes are damaged, cough cough... harms right there... nobody raked over the coals yet.... 3. that you were ripped off by pharmacist.

i do hope your eye settles down now that it isnt being bathed in something... not good. I am disgusted. i know medicine is getting more and more complex, but the professional bodies, should be helping keeping its members EFFECTIVE... not simply a lobby group for better conditions

can you tell i worked for a court dealing with this stuff .... a long lpng time ago... in the 80s.

Medical gaslighting is definitely a thing...i only first heard of it since Covid.... but ... too many serious anecdotes to share for myself and my family.... so best i dont... could be a cause for sane to take up. general complaint and feedback bureacracy is not sufficient.

in the spirit.. of hopeful posting.... i did have a few GOOD customer service interactions today.

1. psychiatrisst tried to do the right thing in my f2f session today... i made him laugh when i spoke about the badly behaved psychiatrist and showed him a short video for context. He realises that i know the difference between him and her and the profession as a whole

2. his secretary had a good deep but real chat in the waiting room. i have been going there about 8-9 years.

3. Lady at Spotlight made sure i could find my navy blue buttons

4. guy at supermarket checkout was lovely, anxious to do well, and i felt the world was not completely at odds with me.

i can tell apart the hostile actors from the randoms, or good ones and all the range...

celebrate the wins... still doesnt make the CHALLENGES right or just.

@NatureLover @tyme @Shaz51