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My Story

MickeydoolanCasual Contributor15 June 2023, 3:58 pm AEST

My Story

Hi Members 🙂

I've been a member for a while but only posted once. Recently my situation has become extremely difficult and I thought perhaps there might be someone going through the same thing or have been through it who could offer me some words of comfort. The CAT Team suggested the Carers Network again.

My son is 34 and lives with me and my partner. He has never left home and has never been able to hold down a job. He has been sacked from every job within days as he just doesn't seem to be able to perform even the simplest of tasks. He spends nearly 24 hours a day in bed playing video games. He is a long-term marijuana user which began after he left school. He suffers from anxiety and spends all his Centrelink money on weed and alcohol. His use of alcohol is fairly recent - over the last 3 or 4 years. That's when things really took a turn for the worse. At least when he was on weed I could have a conversation with him and he was not verbally aggressive. He is up most nights and is often drunk in the early morning when I come down to start work. I work from home, so there is no escape.

I lost a brother to suicide 20 years ago, it was so traumatic. My son often threatens suicide as he knows how it terrifies me and pushes my buttons. I've had the CAT Team here several times, however he will not engage with any mental health professionals of any kind, so they cannot help him or me. He is taking showers up to ten times a day as he says it helps his anxiety. I have had to hide all my towels. I cannot have any alcohol in the house at all as he steals it. He constantly begs for money, says he will engage with health professionals and then goes back on his word. I keep falling for it.

I don't know what to do, I feel like there's no solution. I can't kick him out as I'm terrified he will die and it will be down to me. I feel trapped, but he is my son and I love him. I have tried and tried and tried to get help over the last 15 years, psychologists, psychiatrists, counsellors, in-patient stays, CAT Team, GPs. Nothing has worked. I do understand that if someone won't accept help then there is nothing you can do. He is also trashing my house.

I guess this is a bit of a rant, sorry. I'm just in a dark place right now and feel like there's no future for him or myself and my partner.

12 replies

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In response to: My Story

StuFSenior Contributor15 June 2023, 4:32 pm AEST

Re: My Story

Hi @Mickeydoolan

I haven't got a great deal to say that might be of any assistance. It sounds so tough for you. All of you, but you especially in the context of these forums at least.

I just wanted to "Support" you.

I hope someone comes along soon that might help more

In response to: Re: My Story

MickeydoolanCasual Contributor15 June 2023, 4:49 pm AEST

Re: My Story

Thanks, after 15 years that is unlikely as I feel I've exhausted all avenues. I just hope I'm not going to be one of the Mums who writes to the papers about how I tried to get help and there was none if the worst outcome happens.

In response to: My Story

Unknown userMember15 June 2023, 5:13 pm AEST

Re: My Story

Hi @Mickeydoolan

Like @StuF , l have not got a lot to advise, but a good vent is great.

I find when l vent, sometimes the answers / thoughts are clearer in your mind.

The part l relate to is the stress trying to get someone to listen and will not take help

I find it so hard as you say "that if someone won't accept help then there is nothing you can do. He is also trashing my house"

Working from home. No break from him, his episodes etc etc.

I hope you make yourself walk around the block orvsomething.

I feel for you. A distressing situation. Hope you rant as required

In response to: Re: My Story

EternalFlowerSenior Contributor16 June 2023, 2:12 am AEST

Re: My Story

Hey @Mickeydoolan @Former-Member @StuF

Just wantwd to say @Mickeydoolan that u sound reasonable, and like a good mum

U see trashing the house and making u scared is not ok, but still have compassion for his addictions.

A very different kind altogether, but the Memoir "In my Skin" is an interesting book about a woman in her 30s who gets clean from substance abuse with her familys help.

I agree u cant make him get help, but u can show interest in what he does to help himself. A lift to an appointment or a hug after one is just as meaningful.

I had a very rocky 20s with my MH and my parents couldnt have hard conversations and made fun of my illness. U sound like u hear ur son and see him with love while still wanting more from him.

Im sorry u are in such a scary situation. I hope ur son finds something to hold onto.

In response to: My Story

NatureLoverSenior Contributor16 June 2023, 6:39 am AEST

Re: My Story

@Mickeydoolan I'm so sorry to hear about your situation, I really feel for you 😞

I was wondering if you'd like to post your above post on the other SANE Forum too, the Friends, Family and Carers Forum , to get support for yourself? You can access it by clicking on "Forums Home" at the top left or on "Forums Community" right at the top of this page.

Sending wishes that thing will get better for you...

In response to: My Story

HistoryloverSenior Contributor16 June 2023, 7:05 am AEST

Re: My Story

I'm so sorry for the distress your son's situation is causing you, @Mickeydoolan. It sounds very complicated. Does he take any medication for his anxiety? Perhaps, if he could ease his anxiety with proper medication (ensure it's not addictive, research side effects on the internet), he could begin to think more productively. The fact that he is suffering from anxiety must indicate that he realizes that he is in a serious situation, so perhaps that's a start. He sounds very distressed.

You're the only one who knows how best to handle this situation, @Mickeydoolan, as you're the only one who knows it best. It is obvious you have tried everything you can. Perhaps he has too and just doesn't know how to help himself. Is it really that he can't hold a job or is it that he is never given a chance?

I can only send my best wishes and hope there are better days ahead for all of you.

In response to: Re: My Story

MickeydoolanCasual Contributor16 June 2023, 9:25 am AEST

Re: My Story

Thanks. Actually, I do feel a tiny bit better today. I haven't vented or ranted for so long. I try not to burden others with my problems. I know my friends are there for me as well. I do walk as often as I can and listen to music - both help a lot as I wouldn't be able to cope at all without them.

In response to: Re: My Story

MickeydoolanCasual Contributor16 June 2023, 9:27 am AEST

Re: My Story

Thank you for taking the time to read and for your support. It means a lot. I will never give up on him, I'm just desperate for some king of turning point where he might try a tiny change for the better.

In response to: Re: My Story

MickeydoolanCasual Contributor16 June 2023, 9:28 am AEST

Re: My Story

Thanks so much, and yes, that's a good idea! I will try that.

In response to: Re: My Story

MickeydoolanCasual Contributor16 June 2023, 9:31 am AEST

Re: My Story

Thanks so much for taking the time to read and reply. He has been on all sorts of medication over the years. He uses a medication for sleep when he can get it, however the local ED at the hospital won't give it to him now, nor will his GP. He is so anti- any type of professional so he uses alcohol and weed instead. Indeed, he doesn't know how to help himself and has given up trying.

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