Broken very broken

Hi @Redraw

I think I speak on behalf of this community when I say we don't see you as a loser. I see you as a creative, helpful and compassionate person.

You are such a wonderful writer - I got a real sense of what you are feeling at the moment. Has something happened to make you feel this way?

Have you looked at any chakra and yoga theory @Redraw. ?

Your post is such a strong description of how I feel when my heart chakra is stressed. But I wouldnt be able to put it so creatively. Sometimes I need to balance things with getting my solar plexus chakra active ... other times vocalise for my throat chakra .. for some its just new age and dismissed .. but they are ideas that have helped me.

Take care.

I wish so much I didn't know what loneliness is not the temporary loneliness, not the break up loneliness, not the loneliness described in music and poetry, but a loneliness where your presence is as unknown as your absence when the touch of another soul whether friendly or intimate are all but unknown, where it can be weeks without a word spoken aloud, where no one knows or cares where anything exists only within dreams. I wish I could feel the touch of loving lips pressed against mine, a quickening heartbeat against my own. No sense in thinking of such things only loneliness and darkness ever embrace me

As for what is seen what is written these things are only possible in typing my mind only allows so much to be spoken

I realise that people can't understand the complete isolation, I live in not because I stay hidden away not seemingly because of anything but the fact that people I guess just have never liked me in the least not in any way you would think it would get easier after 10 years 20 years 30 years of course it doesn't it just makes you realise more and more that it's you that's the issue, to passive, to nice to whatever it's f***ed up it makes it hard to contend with to hear to see so many things at every turn there is just another twist of an unseen (word unusable), and there's nothing you can do.

Every day it's the same or is it worse, I feel claws digging at scratching at my brain, my eyes heavy and weak, tidal waves rushing through my body, my heart thumping and sometimes jumping, no strength no hope no reason, anyone and everyone has been more successful at life than me, I have failed absolutely left no mark not even a blemish Jenna should be here not me

I am so weak..........mentally, physically, emotionally, I long for a day where I feel happy, the following meme at least provided me a smile, given the picture I am not sure that's a good thing