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I have spent the last 20 years of my life fighting to stay alive. I feel well for a couple of months, then I crash into a deep depression. I normally end up in hospital for a while, before having another period of being OK. I will then repeat the cycle, over and over again. I have had enough, I can't go on like this any longer. I now homeschool my daughter and I can't let her down. Her whole life I have failed her and my son. They have had to watch me go through the cycle of ups and downs. It has been so hard for them. Now my daughter needs me to be there for her and I believed I could. I thought that if I was determined and focused on staying well, that I could do it. The problem is that I can feel myself going down very rapidly and I'm scared. I don't know what to do. I can't seem to be able to get hold of it. I am feeling so alone, like I am the only person in the world. I know that sounds so selfish but I just feel so empty. What can I do? I'm so scared
Tea can be good but the standard has both caffeine and a duieretic effect which can complicate sleep I tend to go the hot chocolate path personally it has the comfort factor that's hard to beat. Sleep deprivation does limit your mental strength that which we use to protect ourselves from such breakdowns. Find a line short a few words of even a prolonged "shhhhhhhhh" just to repeat in your mind as you look to sleep, or try to do the relaxation of yourself piece by piece focus on each piece from your feet to your head drawing focus to the areas if required by tensing the musculature and then allowing it to rest saying to yourself to relax that part I know it's not easy but it can help
In response to: Re: Im scared
RedrawSenior Contributor
Re: Im scared
One thing that is hard is music you want mild and calming without the sadness that can exasperate things
In response to: Im scared
KurraSenior Contributor
Re: Im scared
Sleep can be therapeutic but if sleep doesn't come try hard to stay in bed as allowing your body to rest csn also be very helpful. I have developed a tooth infection that is interfering wotn my capacity to sleep so Im indulging in a beer in the hope that this eill allow me a bit more relaxation.
Hang on thete @Angel80. These feelings will pass if you continue striving towards survival. Thinking of you 💕🎶
In response to: Re: Im scared
Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor
Re: Im scared
Great tips @Redraw ...... 👍🏼😏
In response to: Re: Im scared
MadroosterContributor
Re: Im scared
Hi @Angel80 - how was your night? Did you manage some sleep at least? Apologies for late "advice", but when my sleep pattern gets really disrupted I find that putting on my headphones and listening to talk back radio while going for a casual walk calms me.
I feel "involved" in a discussion and the breathing from the exercise is calming. A good meal and I feel tired.
Wont promise it works for everyone, but it helps me.
In response to: Im scared
Shaz51Senior Contributor
Re: Im scared
Hello @Angel80 xx
How did you go with your appointment with your psychiatrist today xx
In response to: Im scared
Angel80Senior Contributor
Re: Im scared
It wasn't great. I mean he is a wonderful guy, he always listens and tries to help me in any way he can. The problem is that he agreed that I had crashed severely in a short space of time, his advice, that it was probably a good idea to go into hospital while he isn't around to support me. He was very concerned. But in the end, he said, I need to make the decision. I hate hospital so much!! I don't know what to do. 😢
In response to: Re: Im scared
NikNikSenior Contributor
Re: Im scared
Hi @Angel80 ,
While not many people will say they like hospital, it does serve it's purpose of keeping us alive.
So it might be worth determining at what point you go to hospital.
I guess what some people find useful is to have a list of things that help them when they having suicidal thoughts.
They could be distractions (shower, colouring in, TV show etc etc) or they could be techniques / strategies (mindfulness, meditation, grounding exercises, contacting a crisis service.
If if they have tried everything on their list and are still feeling urges to harm themselves, they know that is the point they need to call the Crisis Assessment & Treatment Team or go to hospital.
Have you created a plan like this before?
In response to: Im scared
Angel80Senior Contributor
Re: Im scared
Yes. Nothing on my list is working right now. That is why I'm so afraid.
In response to: Re: Im scared
NikNikSenior Contributor
Re: Im scared
Maybe it is worth going to hospital then @Angel80 It's not great - but you don't deserve to go through this alone.
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