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Im scared

Angel80Senior Contributor05 Nov 2016, 7:23 pm AEDT

Im scared

I have spent the last 20 years of my life fighting to stay alive. I feel well for a couple of months, then I crash into a deep depression. I normally end up in hospital for a while, before having another period of being OK. I will then repeat the cycle, over and over again. I have had enough, I can't go on like this any longer. I now homeschool my daughter and I can't let her down. Her whole life I have failed her and my son. They have had to watch me go through the cycle of ups and downs. It has been so hard for them. Now my daughter needs me to be there for her and I believed I could. I thought that if I was determined and focused on staying well, that I could do it. The problem is that I can feel myself going down very rapidly and I'm scared. I don't know what to do. I can't seem to be able to get hold of it. I am feeling so alone, like I am the only person in the world. I know that sounds so selfish but I just feel so empty. What can I do? I'm so scared

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In response to: Im scared

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor08 Nov 2016, 9:51 am AEDT

Re: Im scared

Hi @Madrooster

Welcome to the forums. What you have written is at the core of the support found here ..... compassion and empathy in shared experiences, sensibility and removing some of the isolation through advice and supportive feedback, and the distinct understanding that you are not alone. All the best with locating a new psych. It really seems to be a matter of finding the right person to hear and guide you.

Hi @Angel80

Thers's a morning (virtual) coffee waiting for both of you on the Hot Chocolate Anyone ? thread if you like .... come and meet some others for a chat if you want to ...

🌷💜

In response to: Im scared

Angel80Senior Contributor08 Nov 2016, 8:45 pm AEDT

Re: Im scared

One day. Two days....it's all the same. The days have kind of mixed in together lately. My head doesn't seem right, time is going slow then fast then sometimes it stands still. It's kind of a hazy sort of feeling. My thoughts have been crazy for quite a few days. I can't stop thinking no matter how hard I try. No amount of distraction works, no relaxation, no grounding. My mind is out of control and I don't know how to deal with it. I'm not sure if I can get through this. Every day I'm getting worse. Help.

In response to: Im scared

Angel80Senior Contributor08 Nov 2016, 10:07 pm AEDT

Re: Im scared

In response to: Im scared

utopiaSenior Contributor08 Nov 2016, 10:17 pm AEDT

Re: Im scared

@Angel80. I'm sorry that you are struggling at the moment.
Are you feeling anxious? Depressed? Hearing voices? Or can't seem to settle?
I find when I'm struggling with anxiety I can't watch tv or read. I can't focus. But I can scrub the shower or sew a new cover for my dogs bed. Hand sewing. I find doing something boring and repetitive - helps. After a few minutes - maybe 15 minutes or so - I'm not so focused on the issue that has caused the anxiety.
Do you have a gp, psychologist or psychiatrist that you can call tomorrow and ask for an early appointment?

In response to: Re: Im scared

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor08 Nov 2016, 10:24 pm AEDT

Re: Im scared

@Angel80

Sounds like you need to visit your go tomorrow if you can. It might be something as "simple" as a virus, or your bloods out of whack .... through to anxiety / panic attack ....

In any case you need to rule out physical causes and receive some emotional support.

Tonight can you drink a calming tea like chamomile, play some gentle background music, and try to sleep ?

Sending you hugs .... 💗💕

In response to: Re: Im scared

RedrawSenior Contributor08 Nov 2016, 10:54 pm AEDT

Re: Im scared

Help is not easy would be that I could say something to clear the chaos within your mind, I know a chaotic mind I have one myself. I do tend to go wandering or use different types of music, music can breach the cycle sometimes wandering provides the opportunity to play out the thoughts. Of course not for everyone feel free to talk it out in what details you can it can help and people can provide clarity.

In response to: Im scared

Angel80Senior Contributor08 Nov 2016, 11:09 pm AEDT

Re: Im scared

I see my psychiatrist each week but he is away for the next four weeks. I managed to score an appointment with him tomorrow morning before he leaves. But I don't know what he will be able to do. He doesn't even know that I've crashed and my appointment is right before he leaves. Everything is a mess!! I can't take it....

In response to: Im scared

Angel80Senior Contributor08 Nov 2016, 11:13 pm AEDT

Re: Im scared

Thank you for the hugs F&H. I need a good sleep desperately. I'm getting 3 hours a night so I don't think that is helping my situation. I've just had a cup of tea

In response to: Im scared

utopiaSenior Contributor08 Nov 2016, 11:20 pm AEDT

Re: Im scared

@Angel80. I'm glad you have an appointment with your psychiatrist tomorrow.
He might ask the local Mental Health Team or CAT to look after you while he is away.
It's important to have other support networks that you can call on when he is away.

In response to: Re: Im scared

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor08 Nov 2016, 11:27 pm AEDT

Re: Im scared

Definitely won't be helping being short on sleep @Angel80 .... try to prioritise that one, but keep up all other forms of self-care. This is the point where you have to be first, second and third in your focus. You matter, and you need to get yourself into a good place before you can be there for anyone else.

Keep reaching for tea. It has a calming affect, especially herbals like chamomile.

💗💕

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