It was great you could have a “me day” @MJG017
My way of handling things is to just push through or “one foot in front of the other” type keep going. I am terrible at self-care and in fact only found out it was a thing in last few years!
I was also very shy as a child, before the abuse and then during and after I had to keep the secret so that was kind of like being shy. Really it was the shame.
I am amazed you got so far in life without a Medicare card.
I can understand how you didn’t want to talk to anyone about feeling different to other people. I knew I was different and I knew why, but to tell especially in the 70’s or 80’s would have been much worse because of rampart victim blaming. So I just kept quiet. I’m lucky that the strategy I used to cope was acceptable to society. Many CSA survivors turn to alcohol and drugs and so that unfortunately makes them more ostracised by society. But by working and studying I at least wasn’t completely ostracised even though I felt so ashamed and different from other people.
Many of the survivors I know, say who would have thought getting cancer would turn out to be a positive thing. It’s interesting how life events can have such a huge influence on your life trajectory.
I have been lucky that I didn’t lose any friends/acquaintances over cancer, although I knew it happens to people. I’m not sure why - whether it makes them worry about their own mortality, they think you will be a burden on them, or even they don’t want to think of you gone. In my family my father was already diagnosed with cancer and my mother had also had cancer twice before I had my first diagnosis so it probably didn’t seem like a huge thing to them. I suppose they thought I’d be alright because at the time both my mother and father were going ok. So I didn’t hear from them much but we are not a close family and we are geographically separated. But they didn’t ignore me.
I think that saying you have to be one to know one holds true for so many things. Even though each person’s journey is different there are similarities that mean people can understand others who’ve been through or are going through the same thing. Especially because people just do not know what happens when you have cancer until they also do or know someone very close to them that does. Like going to radio every day. People don’t think of having to organise yourself to get to the hospital every day for 8 weeks in a row. Plus remember all your other appointments etc. Just the time and effort in keeping track of all that. Especially if you’re doing it all by yourself and trying to juggle work around it. I worked up until the last week of my radio each time. I organised to have the last radio appointment of the day. So I went to work and just left a bit early every day. Of course I had to put it on my timesheet so I was earning less in that time, even though it was costing me for petrol to drive to hospital each day.
I’m really surprised and sorry that even volunteering at places involved with cancer can be so prejudiced. I wonder if they think it will be too much for you, and they think they are being kind.
I volunteer in a kind of drop in centre that provides food for people in need. Some are homeless. Some are just struggling as they are unemployed. Many people have MH issues. I have not told the volunteer place I have MH issues and they haven’t asked. I look ok on the outside so I must be ok. I find it rewarding and you talk to the people who come in and I find it easy to understand them because they’re just me, but haven’t had the same luck that I have. Many people even the other volunteers are afraid of them or feel somewhat derogatory toward them. Some of them are really amazing people but some thing has gone wrong and their whole life has been turned upside down. Many have suffered trauma, actually most of the ones I’ve had longer conversations with, have had some kind of childhood trauma.
Although I agree I’d rather people hadn’t gone through trauma, MH issues or cancer but as they have maybe I can do something that will be of assistance to them.
Your own volunteer role you’ve made for yourself sounds really fulfilling and certainly very worthwhile.
I wouldn’t actually say I’m enjoying life but by forcing myself to do things I am in a much better position than I was, which was pretty awful and I was thinking what’s the point of putting up with something so awful. However I realise a lot of people are in much worse situations than I am and keep on keeping on.
I’m glad you’re feeling much more on top of things today. You really add a lot to the forums I see you commenting on a lot of threads and offering support to people and you do it in a very compassionate way. I would never have guessed you had any type of social problem from reading your comments, they show a true understanding of other people and you express your thoughts so well.
