Connect with people who understand what you are going through,
seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're
free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.
"Living with a mental illness is lonely, let's share our stories...."
SehnsuchtSenior Contributor
"Living with a mental illness is lonely, let's share our stories...."
Is there any space, anyone here knows about, where I can feel safe and supported as a parent, a parent with neurodivergent obstacles.
I say neurodivergent because I am done, I am done with labels that seek to justify me, rather than address the concerns and problems and fears I have at any one time. These concerns and problems and fears fluctuate and it shouldn't be of a surprise to anybody, even an able body or mind.
"Do you feel a sense of connection, of bleonging."
No. I can tell you I participate and try to make that participation meaningful, but do I belong? No. "Do you feel you are understood". Never. Only among those that I identify as struggling for self-care. Should I be devaluing' self-care' to make room better for self actualisation?
I just want to be heard, in a meaningful way. If I say I am struggling, and nothing has really changed between then and today, aside from life continuing and the sun and moon rising accordingly and myself ploughing through with what means I had already, then am I still struggling? Why do people assume I am not? What has changed to make them think so? Does the world really want to see me fall apart to understand me saying I am falling apart? Oh, so dramatic. Where are my alternate worlds when I want them. Honestly.
In response to: "Living with a mental illness is lonely, let's share our stories...."
SehnsuchtSenior Contributor
Re: "Living with a mental illness is lonely, let's share our stories...."
@Appleblossom,
Thank you. A reminder it is ok to seek time with people or places that fulfill these needs, I'm not failing or fallling out of love with my partner if they choose tv and gaming.
Hope scrabble was challenging and art gallery beatiful!
I used to be your friend. It took a massive argument from someone I held dear, and wanted to 'help', to show me how self-serving this 'help' was. Eye-opening.
Three times in my life I have had people be upfront and lay out just preciselly what I do that annoys or hurts them, and each time I have been so grateful, and worked on applying change. And these people are people I trust regardless of anxiety and paranoia about honesty. Because they've shown they're not backwards in coming forwards. I hope your friend comes to see somewhat similar one day. It must be exhausting for you in meantime. x
In response to: Re: "Living with a mental illness is lonely, let's share our stories...."
SehnsuchtSenior Contributor
Re: "Living with a mental illness is lonely, let's share our stories...."
Wow, my above comment reads in too many ways!
Edit: You've provided a reminder to seek time with people or places that...
I used to be someone like your friend. It took a massive argument....
In response to: Re: "Living with a mental illness is lonely, let's share our stories...."
AppleblossomSenior Contributor
Re: "Living with a mental illness is lonely, let's share our stories...."
No worries. @SehnsuchtI am used to reading through the lines and figured it out.
I have also been motivated by "helping" and been in similar positions .. like a good christian woman ... its the way we were taught to be .. and it can be the best approach .. to a point ...
It is part of the reason I have done my dance amongst the choirs .. and then I encountered an even bigger DYNAMO lady who couldnt do calm .. so I just have to waft in for a while and if my neck starts spasming .. waft out .. I am probably excedingly "good" at dissociating.
The thing is I respect and appreciate strong women .. but now have physical limitaions .. and have strengths of my own ... as well as the needs ...
I am trying to keep a broad view on things and see the other's good will ... when there has been enough put out to hang my hat on ... in terms of goodwill ... she actually needs to calm down and doesnt need to stop Rome from Burning .. she cant effect it any more .. its done ...
but I also love her as ... where else can I get to sing next to a woman who can say .. "we are all primates" .. in a church ... so we will share a little intelligent & informed "zoo related talk" and theology .. then next year I may go off to one of my other choirs for a while ... I have a long term commitment to that church .. they are slowly getting used to me.
If your partner is hooked into screens .. dont take it personally .. and get your own style of down time .. that feeds you well.
Fairs fair .. goose and gander and all that.
In response to: Re: "Living with a mental illness is lonely, let's share our stories...."
Change123Senior Contributor
Re: "Living with a mental illness is lonely, let's share our stories...."
I feel the worst mistake I have made is being open with my illness to some people, this includes doctors. I started being open with my partner about my feelings once he went to BPD spouse support group but it just stresses him out more and we end up bickering as he cant understand my feelings and thinks BPD is just what the websites say ie. we are manipulative, liars etc etc. He keeps telling me to grow up because we are supposed to be children trapped in adults bodies etc etc. I have been lonely since about 8 years old - I am 48, since that age I recognised that noone understood me or cared and nothing has changed. When I have had a melt down in the past my partner lectures me rather than just giving me a hug - thats all I want. Now he thinks he is helping but every single thing that I do, what I say etc he will respond "now thats a very BPD thing to say" I get this atleast a couple times a day and it comes across in a lecturing sort of way not a light hearted way so I constantly feel now that I'm a failure as I'm reminded a couple times a day at home that I have BPD thats why I said this that way or that way - why cant it just be me who saying it and not BPD! Recently when I was at the worst in my life I for the very first time reached out and was told to go to the ED, when I did I was treated like a child having a cry baby attack or something and was actually told "what did you think you would achieve by coming here" mmm maybe not fulfill my suicidal thoughts! but no I was sent home and that just confirmed to me yes we are alone. Sorry I'm not much of a comfort but I do feel this loneliness all the time. I also think the "normal" people just dont understand because they are not as much intouch with their feelings and just bury everything. Where I guess us with a MI usually analyse everything about ourselves. To be honest I have heard some people say that having a mental illness opens up your mind to whats out there but the normal ones just keep a closed mind - I think that is very true in my experience.
In response to: Re: "Living with a mental illness is lonely, let's share our stories...."
pipSenior Contributor
Re: "Living with a mental illness is lonely, let's share our stories...."
@Change123. Your partner's obvious lack of understand MI is sad considering we're supposed to live in an enlightened age. I had similar with my ex. I had severe depression, whenever I tried to explain my depression, I was told to 'pop' a pill. I'm sorry your Dr's lack of understanding hurt you. Obviously he doesn't really understand BPD either. The only people who really 'get it' is those who have similar problems. We are advised by supposedly caring people to 'get a job', or 'snap out of it'. Apparently getting a job is the miraculous 'one cure fits all' remedy. Snap out of it, is supposed to be the same as 'shock treatment'. To the uneducated, shock treatment apparently means if they are harsh it's supposed to mean 'tough love'. Unfortunately, uneducated people tend to hurt us more by their complete lack of understanding or knowledge. The more we try to explain, the less they understand. They don't have depression/BPD, therefore it doesn't exist. Do you belong to any sort of support group yourself, if you do try to keep going, you need the support of other sufferers. Unfortunately you can't change his mind, it's closed. What you can do is concentrate on your own well-being. If you can keep getting the support, that will also give you the emotional strength to possibly make some changes to your life. Don't make any decisions till you are thinking clearly. Any sort of MI, clouds the mind and stops us from processing clearly the right thing for us. I left my ex last year after I started thinking clearly, with the help of my counsellor, who later became my bf. Until I was able to clear my mind, I was advised to not make any decisions. I actually 'snapped' mentally after another bout of feeling deserted by my ex. I left for the night, booked into a motel and thought, without interruption about what I wanted and what I needed. I realized sometime that night, my ex was not able to be what I wanted. It wasn't his fault or mine, we just weren't suited. Only you know what you want from your relationship. One painful thing I had to face, which you may also have to face is, your partner won't change, he doesn't think he has to. All you can do is think about what you want and whether you believe he can supply. I'm not suggesting you leave or stay, all I'm saying is, consider what your needs are and whether he can 'be there' when he is needed.
We're improving how you access SANE services, starting with Forums
You’ll soon be able to use one secure login to access all SANE services.
For added security, members are now required to log in with their email address and password - member names are no longer supported for logging in.
If you had a Forums account before 19 May 2026 and haven’t set up your new login yet, you'll be prompted to set up your new secure login when you sign-in.
