@pip wrote:
Hi @Sehnsucht. While you seem to have little or no trouble with writing down how you feel, I'm not sure I understand what you actually want or need from the forums. If you mean people don't talk to you or listen to you, could it be they don't understand what you are saying? I'm not saying you speak in a foreign language, but if you appear to be a jovial, happy natured person, then that's how you will be perceived. People see exactly what they're supposed to see. If someone has a physical disability, that's what is seen. If someone seems to be in total control of their life, with no problems, that's what is seen. Unless people see the real you and know the real you, they're going to see and hear what you say and do. No-one wants to see you fall apart, but if you are in need in any way, is there some way you could put that message out? In my job, we deal with people who have personality difficulties, anger management problems, language difficulties, because we know these people and understand their difficulties, we treat them accordingly. I'm not suggesting you basically go hat-in-hand and beg people to listen to you. All I'm suggesting is, if you let people know that what they see is not necessarily what they get, they may start realizing you haven't got it together. If they are genuine, they'll stay, if they are not, they will excuse themselves.
Pip,
I think part of what happens when I spiral out emotionally like I did a few nights ago, is that I do acknowledge, openly to family and friends that I struggle. I will tell them when I am starting to feel empty, and my fight and flight response is so tremendously touchy, I am the kind of person that will get home and literally be screaming on the floor, self harming.
@I think @Briar touches on how I felt. That people think when I manouvre around that specific meltdown, and am no longer screaming on the floor, that suddenly whatever feelings or behaviours or habits that caused me to not cope, have disappeared too. That nothing changing between that night and the next, aside from me managing to hold myself upright, (and like, I need to, in order for self-care! I'm not talking about me having turned around and said "I am ok now".), somehow equates to no one seeing any urgency in helping me organise changes (be it having lunchboxes of snacks set up for our preschoolers, be it going for a walk each evening, be it calling around for another psych consult because my spoons in that respect are so far gone I can't even.)
And the fact people see me exhibit self-care, and use it to justify that I am 'well', despite I am indeed telling them I AM NOT WELL, means when I do melt down, I end up feeling self-blame and manipulative. Learning more about fight and flight (through parenting books, of all things! If i'd never become a parent, would I have ever known I am not a drama queen for sake of it, that when the invasive thoughts and compulsion to flail with force is actually driven by hormones?) has been such a relief, and I remind myself I am not being manipulative. But now I feel others maybe aare the manipulative ones, more and more. Telling me what to do, that I didn't tell tehm I wasn't ok, that I can't feel this or that. Gaslighting I guess. And I acknowledge those around me aren't intentionally doing it, but yet they are. That is systemic in society I guess, so yes, it probably all does come down to stigma.
Some of it too, is not having people in my life right now that enjoy deep thinking and throwing critical thoughts around, as much as I do. Or playing board games or cards or exploring art as down time. Most people, my partner included, see it tiring and borseome. They just want to watch tv. At times in life I have had opportunity to fill that cup, but at the moment I identify there are few. But this is being super picky and not the bigger problem. The bigger problem is not being heard.
Thank you all for replies.
