Social connection with people who understand and care

Thank you. I’ll only be unpacking little bits at a time most likely. My psychologist recommends that as if I were to blurt out the so very many things that happened to me.. it would be incredibly overwhelming. I agree as I tried writing it all down with this course a few years ago. Not good. However it’s a good to know I can feel safe and comfortable to say what I want here.

I feel I could write a book. But I choose not to and best to not always focus on the bad.

A recent snipet..October, my son list the plot and I had to send him to hospital. I sooo didnt want to as i detest hospital myself. I had my car stolen; (I got it back) then my new ebike. I couldn’t create my new id password on my phone; November I went on a 2k drive journey. In my travels I didn’t realise but I was starting to breakdown.. think odd thoughts. I was rejected by my (passed) fathers wife..she said you bring your problems here!.. i arrived at her place in the middle of the night.. as I was scared! Someone had broken into a cabin I was staying at for 2 nights while I was out in the day.. taken personal lubricant out of my bag; 1st put it into the cabin i stayed in the night prior; i was moved next door as the door lock was broken. When I returned the lubricant was on the exterior table! Then a man arrived late at night went to the next door cabin that the door lock was broken. (They would not have rented it out with the lick broken surely)? I felt very uncomfortable and scared; thus I left late at night; 2hrs drive through teeming rain. Arrived at stepmothers place.. got the car stuck halfway up the most truly insanely steep wet driveway. (I got help the next day to get it down).

I was really shaken. No emotional support anywhere to be found. My 1/2 sister was arriving that night home but wanted space with rheir 2 children. I slept in my car that night on way home. I loaned some $ from her as i couldn't access my home local bank account.
so mentally i wasn’t doing do well (go figure).

I arrived home a few days later. Regarding my new ebike that was stolen under serveilance; I rang the local police station.. couldn’t get through several times. I went in to the station.. they had no record of an officer that was asigned. The bike had 2 serveilance cameras when stolen. Anyhow; admittably I wasnt doing too great by this stage. I went back into the police station 3 more times.. not being rude or aggresive. They took me out the back. Told me they’re getting an ambulance to get to hospital. Searched me; read my diary. I was there for hours. They wouldnt get any food while another ofgicer was going out to get some. I got up a few times (doing nothing) sit down the senior officer bellowed. Then another officer came and handcuffed me!! I was honestly being respectful but I was in disbelief. Except I did say well send me to a cell then. (I would have rather spent a night in there than go to hospital where they locked me up for 4 weeks). I detest the system.
I do work casually somehow.. so I got repremanded about being away for so long.

Long winded sorry. Quite minor to what I’ve through in the past but what the hell. Just more to make my stress tolerance cup take less and less.

Thank you for reading that if anyone did.

I want a partner in all honesty.

i don’t know if I’ll ever meet anyone compatible; decent. I’m over 50.

my house is a money pit and I don’t have support. $2k concealed water leak stressed me out big time. Living on banks $.

ok. I’ll think gratitude thoughts. Roof over my head even if home is falling apart. I danced on the weekend. I went to yoga tonight.

What I really do hate is how emotion gets stuck in the body and causes disease

thoughts?

@tyme Sharing my stories with partners or boyfriends has backfired on me when I’ve ended the relationships. My ex husband even held me to ransom or he’d make one phone call to lock me up in hospital. (I was well at the time. Until a few months later as he took the children. I was devastated… and alone.

I took him to court (other things too) and the judge issued a dvo.

Horrible. 2 children involved.

Hey @Down2 It sure does sound like you've been through a lot in life and you had a hard time at the police station. I hope you find it supportive here and thank you for sharing with us. Yes, I hear you on emotion getting stuck in the body and causing disease.. I would love to know more about somatic therapy. Do you dance and go to yoga often?

Please take care of yourself and let us know how we can support you here. The counselling line can be found here if you wanted to talk to someone on the phone. All the best 😊

@Paperdaisy Thank you. I was youtubing somatic therapy.

Animals shake things off afterwards.. for eg. if a gazelle gets chased by a lion.

movement is great for me. I go to each class once a week if it’s on.

I personally like my feelings validated as I never had that and sometimes I fail to recognise my feelings myself. Not too many people do that around me.

for eg; something bad happens ‘that’s awful’. Or ‘I’d imagine that would have made you feel scared; sad, even happy, excited etc on good occasions’. Dance makes me feel joyful.

Thank you @Snowie

@ClockFace I’m glad you feel safe here. Yes in the world I’d absolutely be judged and even though I have suprisingly accomplished alot in the past; I feel embarrassed by going to hospital nymerous times for eg. Really embarrased.

@Down2 nothing to be embarrassed about. I've been in ER I don't know how many times this year. Practically got SANE on speed dial. Ur health and mental health are important it doesn't matter how many visits.

I can't be me in public or home. SANE no one knows ya and they can't find out so be urself.

@ClockFace @Down2 yes they can.

It was through an "anonymous" post at Sane Forums that police were sent to my house while I slept...

That's why you'll find the odd distress/ venting post with the assurance "I'm safe"... these people don't want Sane sending police to their house!

@Kyle1 How did they get your address? And are you saying you should say I’m safe (if you are)?

it has absolutely traumatised me so much in the past when acute care have come to take me away with the police in tow. I am well, but a case worker said call acute care if warning signs- they wont necessarily take you. You got to be joking. They do! I always want to be treated in the community. I have extra meds if I ever become extra stressed or traumatised.. cause that’s all they do in hospital.. drug you up lots and lock you up. Some people don’t mind it but personally it traumatised the hell out of me being there numerous times years gone by. My ex husband and ex friends - who hadn't even seen me- they came to my house 21 yrs ago.. to tell my ex I’d had previous breakdowns etc the night I arrived home of a horrific labour birth. They took my baby away from me- of course I was beside myself kicking and screaming when they put me in a room - locked away. Fancy taking me away from my new born baby! My ex h. Didnt even bring my baby in to see me. He gave my baby to one of those sick b1tches.

Shocking and disgraceful. I’ve never forgiven any of them. Stuff what Louise Hay says.

My 21 yr dear son lives with me now. We have a good relationship. 🙏

My personal experience with Acute Care has been anything but praiseworthy. They have disclosed my personal information,(and wrote their records wrong to boot). I wouldn't trust them as far as I could kick them... but hey: that's just me.

If you want to vent and be truthful with your feelings here at Sane, I recommend you add the caveat "I'm safe" ... if you don't want police to turn up at your door (or window)... @Down2