Hope fading

@Stargirl

Dreadfully hard situation watching your daughter suffer.

Is there any reason why she is not on any Centrelink payment that can be used to pay her contribution? Should not any social workers at the hospital figured that out! On one level, it probably not wise to keep rescuing her financially, but maybe enable her to manage within reasonable financial limits.

If its any cause for hope, I got on with my life, simply paying my rent, bills and food and going back to uni at 23, on the TEAS allowance, which was less than the unemployment benefit, or working wherever I could find a job, sometimes manual, hospitality or, clerical. My mother brought me a bag of potatoes or onions. She was on Widow's pension. I did not expect more. Working from the bottom up, can be empowering, if there is hope and support. So there is a big role for you, as her mother. I have had health professionals make a mess of their advice, and also listened to a head honcho in genetics research tell me his son's drug story....

My brother was discharged after surgery inappropriately. Hospital follow up can be a bad joke. Some people have better luck, but I should not have to mince words. It is outrageous, that she has been let go in those circumstances. Part of me will always have a heart bond with homeless people and I go back and socialise and support a little. For me it was over 40 years ago. The mood on the street is full of stories of people being mishandled, which is why they check out.

Strengths building is one of the best approaches I know. You know her best, try to get her to have faith in some of her strengths whatever they may be. Little bit by little bit.

• Oh thank you for sharing your story @Appleblossom. That really gives me hope. She is on Centrelink however she blows it all pretty fast. On what I don't know ... Strength building for sure. It's not easy especially when she is so negative but I keep trying. I will never give up. I'm hoping her recent scary (and they were life threatening situations) has woken her up to the dark side of life. She says it was a wake up call... We will see... We have a long way to go yet.

@Stargirl

Self care is really important so you keep your balance, but of course we cannot help but feel for loved family members. She will have to find her own way through the miasma ... despite all the so called easy fixes ... life these days is not simple.

Yes she does have to find her own way for sure. And yes self care is the key and I was doing so well for quite some time but it all caught up with me and her dad recently after she went through some very tough times which have some serious consequences. The reality of it all just came crashing down on us. We love her so much but feel so helpless and just have to protect ourselves but that's so hard. Now I'm just exhausted most of the time. We do have some great hobbies which are helping and good supports and work which is a good distraction. Daughter is now in a refuge for at least 6 weeks which is a good start. I hope someone there can connect with her and help her to help herself break out of her cyclic behaviour and circumstances. It's so hard to not worry. I have been told to see it as a moment in time. I'll try. She is very lonely. That's painful I know however loneliness can be overcome. Thank you for caring enough to reply. It's really appreciated and makes me feel supported.

@Appleblossom , I believe @Stargirl 's beautifully crafted post was for you 🙂

We hear you @Stargirl . We really do. I hope you continue to reach out so that you find comfort for yourself at this time. You do not have to be alone in this journey.

Thank you.

I am glad she has a roof over her head for a while. @Stargirl and you have activities to support you and your husband. It is always complicated, as we have so many things we can second guess, about we did things, or how we should do things.

It is difficult to adjust to reduced circumstances or possibilities for our children. I have had to do that, as try as hard as I could, I could not prevent the transmission of trauma thru the generations in my family. Still finding a way to make the most of it... without blame or pressure, but taking responsibility and allowing the other to do so.

Sending warm wishes and holding space for the idea of her finding a positive direction. Sometimes that may relate to unique quirky things in her childhood, if she can feel worthy to give life another chance ...

@Appleblossom thank you. It's definitely complicated and difficult to navigate. I can't remember the last time I experienced so many intense emotions for such a long period of time and I always think to myself if I feel like this imagine what she is feeling. Probably ten fold when she's in one of her 'episodes' (not sure that's the right word). I just have to accept that this is where it's at and this is her journey and to keep a steady keel through it all, be there on the sidelines and never give up on her.

Yes quirky childhood things. That has got me thinking 🤔

Thank you for sharing some of your insights and for holding space with me.

@Stargirl a steady keel ... is a beautiful way of describing it ... thats what I try. My son just walked thru the door with his groceries. We do eat together a lot, but he has evolved his way managing himself, which is great. Its a messy world out there. and your daughter will have seen a lot, but sorting out the hierachy of needs is essential.

@Appleblossom thank you. I am trying but it's hard. Daughter has such a long way to go and not sure she wants to leave the life she has for a better one. Can't reason with her so I have to stop trying. I held hope she would get some relief from the upcoming psychiatrist appointment but I am not so sure anymore. She believes she has no one and nothing. And that's pretty much the way it is at the moment. I was hoping with medication she might be able to see more clearly but there's so much more to it than that. There's no stability and she can't come home because it's too stressful to have her here. It's really heartbreaking. I'm happy for you that your son is in a good place. That gives me some hope.