Hi @Why1969,
Welcome to the Forums. My name is FloatingFeather and I am one of the peer workers at SANE. It is nice to have you with us.
My heart goes out to you - I have had anxiety and depression on and off much of my life. I have also trialed different medications during this time to find the one that works best. It's not easy, I know but hopefully you will find the one that works really well for you this time so you don't have to feel the way you are currently feeling because the way you are feeling right now is really tough.
I understand what you are saying about feeling guilty around your family but this isn't your fault in anyway. I would imagine that your husband and your kids just want to see you feel better and to not have to go through what you are currently going through. I think you are demonstrating to your kids what a fighter you are.
I personally know a lot of people that have struggled with depression and anxiety (I think it's far more common than people realise). My husband is one of those lucky ones who hasn't known these struggles - I agree, I'm am jealous of people like that too.
I really hope the trial and error stage goes okay and you find the medication that really works for you. Post here anytime you need to chat - there are many kind people on the Forums with a lot of similar lived experience.
Warm wishes,
FloatingFeather
PS. just a couple of tips to help you on the Forums:
Tip 1 - if you want to directly chat with someone on the Forums use the @ symbol and then start typing their name directly after it. A dropdown box should appear, and you then select their name. This ensures that they are notified of any posts you mention them in.
Tip 2 – the most recent posts are the latest page numbers.