Malens Babble

So sorry to hear about what is happening for you @ClockFace - it sure sounds like everything is happening all at once!

Has the pain eased at all?

Also with your feedback about the 'frustrating lady' on the SANE phone line, we welcome you to provide feedback so that we can work to improve our services. We are always seeking feedback. If you feel up to it, you can go to https://www.sane.org/about-sane/policies/feedback-and-complaints-policy

I'm following and want you to know you are not alone. I honestly hear and feel your frustrations with so much happening.

I hope kindness to self comes your way. You deserve it.

@tyme

Sadly no pain hasnt died down at all. The pain meds help, definately know when they have started wearing off. Having some side affects of them now so taking some other stuff to deal with the side affects.

I do appreciate your comments, I know your reading my posts and it means a lot.

Yes, I am following EVERY post of yours. They are invaluable in being able to track your journey through this difficult period. There is a lot of learning involved in this that we can all draw upon @ClockFace

Your strength and resilience really shine through despite all your challenges.

Please take care. I'm on this journey with you.

And most likely, all these things had a great bearing on your life @ClockFace . We are partly a product of our upbringing.

Do you think your parents know any better?

I've been diagnosed with PTSD due to my upbringing. However, never for one moment do I blame my parents because I don't believe they knew any better. They did the best they could. Yes, it has affected me up until this day, but deep down, I cannot point the finger at them.

This may be different to you - only you know.

@tyme

I think my Mum has mental health issues she refuses to address, which I do blame her for. I think thats a choice and if its affecting those around you then you most definately should address them.

Dad should have done something, not liking confrontation isnt an excuse to allow your children to be abused by your partner

Fair enough @ClockFace . Do you think she knows it's a MH condition? Or is she one of those who refuse to see that MH exists? I was just reading something today where someone commented "Depression is all in your head. Go outside and it'll go away".....hrmmmm

@tyme

She knows she has depression and takes medication for it. But I think there is more, so does the rest of the family and supports we have for my sister.

Mum doesnt think she is doing anything wrong, she thinks its everyone else. She doesnt think I have BP2 despite over 10 years of treatment. She doesnt think my sisters diagnosis is right and keeps trying to diagnose her with other thingss (doctor Google) but thinks Dad is on the spectrum and made him try and see a psychiatrist to confirm. The doctor laughed but did the referral which was denied by the psychiatrist. The Doctor said very clearly that at his age and to have done what he has for a career, not to mention the years shes known him that he isnt on the spectrum.

All this and she refuses to be assessed by a psychiatrist

IM SERIOUSLY SO PISSED OFF, I want to type this all caps but I wont.

Why when I was in school did no one do anything about the bullying and abuse? Like why didnt my Dad take some kind of action, get legal advise, get the cops involved anything. I was just repeatedly sent into the lions den to be torn apart daily.

Then the teachers did nothing, none of them that were there to protect me, stood up and did that. A few understood what was happening and took pity on me but didnt really do anything to stop it. I remember being sent to the school councillor like it was my fault, like I had to learn to toughen up as if by doing so I excused what they guys were doing.

What really gets to me is now days my Mum says it wasnt that bad and Im overreacting. Clearly something was seriously bad going on because its affected me my entire life. Maybe instead of playing down my experiences in school, maybe take ownership that you could've done more to protect me. I was a kid, a shy loner that had been bullied since I started at the school, you could have done so much more.

So Mum has said alot about our home life growing up and I talked to my sister and Dad, seperately, to try and work out the truth of it because alot doesnt make sense to me.

As kids the house was very strict with Mum enforcing things, getting hit, hit with a wooden spoon or the strap were always a threat, but one that was followed through on if you stepped out of line, especially if Mum was in one of her moods. I dont spose I got it often as I was well behaved, I was scared, looking back I was very scared of Mum, much more than I thought at the time. I figured, not knowing any better this was how it was in all house holds. My sister however was much more 'active' and got in trouble far more. I remember and its often spoken of the time that my sister got the wooden spoon but didnt cry, so Mum continued to hit her until the spoon broke, I dont think she cried still.

She would say that she was only doing what Dad told her to, in disciplining us kids and running the house. Dad said today that he thought he and her were of the same mind when it comes to how kids should be raised and the expectations of kids, however he would rarely hit us and never with anything other than his hand. So I dont know how that plays into Mum using items to his us and as my sister and I remember, it wasnt uncommon. Its clear Mum felt more violent and threatening punishment was ok more than Dad did. It also raises the question did Mum have rules and expectations greater than what Dad did that she was enforcing, I use enforcing diliberately because of the tactics uses to discipline us kids

Mum would say she raised us kids alone and that Dad was always at work however while true at times for a lot of the time he was home. He did basically rebuild the house we lived in bit by bit, but that was at Mums instruction. From what I can gather, especially in our younger years Dad was around more than what was made out, though I think he did keep himself occupied. I cant remember about my sister on my Dads part but on my part it wasnt the typical father/son relationship, we didnt go away together, we didnt do projects together, we didnt talk about much. Later years he was away a lot more for work, this is what my Mum concentrates on.

I dont think Mum and I were ever very close, we were closer than Dad and I but it was more about me getting her things, even back then, rather than a deep emotional bond.The favourite was always my sister, and no matter what I have done through out my life I can/could never complete with that. I dont know Dad has a favourite, I mean he, I think prefers my sister but to a degree its more like he cant be bothered with either of us

Both my sister and I remember Mum and Dad fighting quite a lot growing, Dad doesnt but did admit that there was an assessment after each time people visited, going out etc. You know that shows the control aspect again, what can be said etc. As kids we would see this as fighting Im sure

Looking back I would have to see Mum as being an abusive parent, clearly manipulative and overly controling mother. I remember at a young age yelling out that Mum was a power hungy, controlling bitch just before getting the strap.

I started in my late teens to fight back against the abusive actions. I started to forge my own path but I wasnt directly defient. That happened later in life and is happening to this day. For some reason Mum cant wake to her alarm on the phone and requires someone to ring her to make sure she wakes, that role ended up falling to me in the past 5 months. I kinda got sick of it and decided, along with the support of my sister told Mum she is on her own, she can wake to an alarm like the rest of the world.

Mum continues to be controlling, dictating, abusive and manipulative, this is in large part what ended up my sister in hospital. Mum just doesnt stop. But Myself, Dad and my sister are now, finally, on the same page and are finally saying enough is enough and making Mum take responcibility for herself. I mean she doesnt leave her room, expects everything to be brought down for her, Dad takes care of her bills and takes her to appointments (she cant drive at the moment) though she did a medical fitness to drive and Dad was on about having to beg and pled for her to give it to him to post it. I did say its not his responcibility. It should be noted that Mum and Dad are seperated living under main roof, so he shouldnt be taking care of shit for her.