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Malens Babble

ClockFaceSenior Contributor28 Mar 2023, 7:22 am AEDT

Malens Babble

I think Im starting to get a handle on the forum a bit more and figure that I could start my own thread for my babble rather than filling up the feed and others posts not get their appropriate time on the notice board.

Ill still post some stuff normal but most Ill post here.

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In response to: Malens Babble

ClockFaceSenior Contributor12 Apr 2023, 12:16 pm AEST

Family Outing - Decided not to go

The family is supposed to be getting togetherr today, we were supposed to Monday and I would have been fine as I had the anti-inflammatory injection so pain was well under control. But Im back to downing high dose pain meds like they are lollies. I was hoping to come anyhow but the combination of the pain meds and my existing pain patch makes for too much pain meds for me to manage and I just get really drowsy. If Im talking with someone or really engaged in something Ill be ok, but general chit chat or even typing this I struggle soIve decided against going, which sucks but I dont want to be like this in public. Added to that I now have yet another doctors appointment at 2pm to get more pain meds because the doctor I saw yesterday was a locum and could only give me 10, not the standard 20, kinda think its BS that I had to pay full price for the appointment when I got 1/2 service. 10 will see me through 2 maybe 2.5 days, its 1 every 4hrs so doesnt last long.

I was also concerned where we were going Ive been past many times. Its very cramped which for a guy my size is concerning, like really worrying, add drowsy its just me falling and looking like a fat fool. Then the chairs, they dont look like they would hold me, I would just be waiting for it to break and fat fool

Added to that nice family outing, it wont be. The trip there and back would be me Mum and Dad, Mum would either Bitch or pick a fight with Dad on the way down. On the way back it would be the same or there would be issues with what was said at lunch. Where we are going is apart of a grocery store, as grocery stores go its kinda cool. Well Mum would want to go shopping and if we got out of there within an hour and a half we would be doing well. So what am I supposed to do sit in the car for an hour or 2. Its a 45 min drive either way. So thats like 3.5 hrs sitting in a car, my back would be insanely painful just from sitting in a car.

So yeah I decided going was not a good idea, the pain would ruin my time and make me an ass to be around. Me in lots of pain being forced to do an activity I know will cause me pain makes me really unpleasant to be around, not that its apprecated by the family as to why or that they are the ones causing me to be in the situation I am now in. Oddly on this occassion they are being overly ok about it

In response to: Family Outing - Decided not to go

ClockFaceSenior Contributor12 Apr 2023, 1:39 pm AEST

Mum

Mum doesnt do much...ever. Most of the time she sleeps all day. She says she does a lot but no one can identify what that is. She is in heart failure and the doctors have clearly stated she needs to be up doing stuff, you know it would be nice if she would walk down and spend time with the family. There is always an excuse as to why she doesnt. Doesnt like how Dad and I eat, we all go do our own things, etc. Generally its just BS to justify her staying in her room.

The one thing she does do is Facebook Buy Swap Sell, she has calmed down a bit lately but thats because my sister has been in hospital and my Dad retired so not out as much. Because basically, she would organise to buy something and then instruct either my Dad or sister to go and buy it. She still sends Dad stuff, he just tends to ignore it more. Now to be clear, it can be something small but most of the time its a decent size. Often the stuff sent to Dad are things like freaking pegolas, car ports etc. She will send my sister for cupboards, drawers, small stuff etc.

Now this isnt a few things, the house is full of shit, we have multiple sheds, like lots of sheds full of shit, tens of thousands would have been spent. Not to mention the time and fuel picking it all up.

My sister coped most of it, Mum would make her go out and pick stuff up. If she didnt do it Mum would argue and fight, same with Dad. But with my sister she would be threatened with Mum slashing her arms or killing herself. There has been amazing manipulation. She just fights and badgers until he gives in.

You will notice that I havent said about me. When I worked in the office she would get me to pick stuff up on the way home, I drove a ute but dont know how to tie a load down so if could only be small, though she would trick me into picking up loads and using my tarp to "tie" it down. Eventually the tarp got all ripped and torn and was useless. She continued to ask me to pick stuff up, one day I had enough and said no, no more. We fought for literal months but I didnt back down and today it is rare for me to pick anything up, even if I was going to stop next door for some reason I wouldnt pick something up.

The amount of stress this causes is incredible. We are now trying to sell this crap but we have the new fight of her saying no to selling stuff. So we dont tell her. A lot of the stuff has rotted or been eaten by mice so it has to be gotten rid of which is costing money. It takes room in the house, so we are having to walk side on in some areas to get through, there is just shit everywhere. We are in a big house, there is a second lounge, thats full, totally full of stuff.

Mum still gets stuff though she pays them to post it now, and I or Dad have to pick up the parcels from the post office. The parcels can go forever without being opened. Thats the worst, maybe, thing is none of it is used, like its just stored we get it for the sake of having it. .

Im really worried that when my sister gets home from hospital Mum will start up again, she doesnt see how she has contributed to the situation at all, its all mine and Dads fault that my sister is in hospital.

I basically have no relationship with Mum anymore. Other than waking her in the morning, because I have to wake her because for some reason an alarm isnt an option, I barely speak to her. I used to go to her for advise, but advice turned out to being told what to do or her expectation not advise so I stopped. I tend to call her out on her BS or Ill get stuck talking to her when I go down for a shower, her shower is the only one big enough for my shower chair.

She adds so much unneccessary stress and I cant deal with any additional stress so I just leave her alone. Its become clear that my psychotic symptoms are triggered by stress so as much that causes me stress is eliminated. If it was an illness, Id have more time for her but these are choices being made and I dont think I should feel bad for not wanting that in my life.

Side note maybe thats part of my adversion to showering

In response to: Malens Babble

justanotherguySenior Contributor12 Apr 2023, 3:05 pm AEST

Re: Angry and a bit bitter

Hi @ClockFace , I have been offline for a while and not kept up with your posts. You have so many issues to deal with it must be tough.

Just a random suggestion, to maybe help with back pain. Not sure where you are with this, but I have had back pain in the past when I start using a swivel office chair. Lately it was getting pretty bad, plus pain up into the neck, then I remembered years ago it was the chair (meds can change what you remember). I switched back to a normal, fixed dining room chair and the pain went away completely within 2 days. I know that won't help with mental problems but if you could reduce the pain then that would be something positive.

In response to: Re: Angry and a bit bitter

ClockFaceSenior Contributor12 Apr 2023, 3:15 pm AEST

Dad

Dad and I get on ok. We speak more now with my sister being in hospital, its been 5 months at different ones for different reasons. Shes been home 5 days in that time. As soon as she was home Dad and I stopped talking as much.

Dad is very much a hands on person, he would much prefer to be outside doing stuff than doing much else but more and more he is helping inside. He has helped more since my sister went into hospital and more again now since Im out of action. He has actually been really helpful with this stuff with my surgery compliction, spinal they think a nerve lesion in or around my SI Joint. Anyhow he has been really good with it, driving me when I need it, doing my chores etc.

Dad isnt great with mental health, he called a facility I took my sister too and I went to recently, a kindergarten for nutters. He eventually got pulled up on it and hes been trying more since but he is from a generation that have a shit attitude to mental health. He might be a dickhead but he is a dickhead thats trying to be better. He doesnt do the whole emotional thing, like Im never going to have a real converstation about my mental health issues with him, its always going to be high level. Like Ill tell him Im hallucinating or whatever but he will never ask what the hallucination is or how its making me feel. Thats not him

Its weird cause he has had his own issues with mental health, he basically just stopped for a few days a couple times. Like his mind disappeared and it was just a shell left. Neither time did he really do anything about it, no Psychiatrist etc. But hes worried he wont come back next time.

Dad and I have never had a typical father and son relationship, hes taken me away a few times but thats very much at the encouragement of Mum when I was younger. Mum and my sister however have been away heaps. It was a very different relationship to what my sister and my Mum had. My sister is definately my Mums favourite and I would safely say that she is my Dads as well. Which does kinda leave me as no ones favourite. The typical Mum Son relationship isnt there and neither the father son. I will say though financially he has loaned me the money I have needed, when I need it.

As I say, Dad is a bit of a dickhead, hes far from perfect but he does try in his way. My sister struggles to see it but I do

In response to: Dad

ClockFaceSenior Contributor12 Apr 2023, 3:31 pm AEST

My Sister

My sister I love dearly. I havent been a great brother to her, Ive let her down and failed to protect her on more than a few occassions. Growing up we had an ok relationship, like most siblings at times it was good at times not so good. As adults our relationship has been unusual at times to say the least. For a long time I relied on her almost to the point of her being a parent as my own didnt step up. When I got diagnosed with Bipolar 2 she was there but more so when I became an alcoholic she was there and supported me through recovery. She has looked after me a lot.

We then just became friends, we became closer based around my Mums issues and Dad being Dad.

Now it became my turn to look after her, I try not to parent her but at times I have to set down the law. She has gone from one hospital to another for 5 months primarily for mental health concerns. I went on unpaid leave part way into it as I wasnt coping mentally dealing with her and work and she was far more important. She had a few days at home and ended up back in hospital, this time however I havent been able to be with her as I had spinal surgery and there has been a complication so Im on a lot of pain meds and cant drive far, nor sit in the seats where she is without a lot of pain.

Sibling relationships are weird, they change so dramatically over ttime for better or worse but they can always change again. Ive found them to be far more fluid than with parents

In response to: Re: Angry and a bit bitter

ClockFaceSenior Contributor12 Apr 2023, 3:38 pm AEST

Re: Angry and a bit bitter

@justanotherguy

For work I have a custom chair but yeah when not at work I use a dining room chair and its heaps more comfortable and reduces pain. I have a custom bed too.

Ive had back pain for over 20 years so much of what I have now is custom though nothing seems to be helping the pain from this surgery complication, they think its a nerve lesion. All I know is its not fun and Im over the pain killers, they are seriously messing up my life.

I have an appointment withpain specialist on 19th (I think it is) but kitchen chairs, high back firm chairs thats what I need. The soft ones the super comfortable looking ones hurt like hell

In response to: My Sister

tymeModerator12 Apr 2023, 3:43 pm AEST

Re: My Sister

Please know I am following along @ClockFace . You are not alone.

In response to: Re: Angry and a bit bitter

justanotherguySenior Contributor12 Apr 2023, 3:47 pm AEST

Re: Angry and a bit bitter

@ClockFace, lol, I hear you, the comfy ones hurt the most. Good back support is definitely worth the effort.

In response to: Re: Angry and a bit bitter

ClockFaceSenior Contributor12 Apr 2023, 5:20 pm AEST

Worried

Ive mentioned in the past where I had a "moment" where I had means and a plan. The means were at home or just needed to be collected from chemist but it was fleating. Had I been home with the means, I can only wonder.

Im kinda freaking out, my pain specilist has decided to have me come in. They have managed to get me in on the 19th so like a week more of lots of pain killers and being drowsy which Im not a huge fan of but Im freaking out what is going to be said. Like if he was just going to prescribe a medication he could do that over the phone. Is he gonna say that this is permanant or he wont be doing the procedure again.

I feel like this promise of no more pain has been ripped away from me and replaced by more intense pain, that might not have any end and how the hell do I live my life that way?

Im worried how Ill react if any/all the above happens. The pain/solution has got me really depressed and thoughts are happening that I am not comfortable with, if shit gets worse Im not sure how Ill handle it, how Ill react. Im not sure if there is anything I can do now to fend of worsening mood and more "moments" or ones that are followed through

In response to: Worried

tymeModerator12 Apr 2023, 5:37 pm AEST

Re: Worried

Sorry to hear you are so worried about everything @ClockFace . It seems like you've picked the short straw.

Your posts remind me of your strength and your bravery. I hear it is so difficult right now. I hope things get better for you.

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