Saddest Day Of My Life

I wish I had something uplifting to say to you, @StanD. I've been looking for much the same things as you but have found that, in real life, I can't trust anyone. Not a soul. Not a family member or acquaintance. I have no answers. I want friends too. I'm a friend worth having and if others don't recognize that, there's nothing I can do. I guess I just want to be appreciated, and above all, respected. I won't take anything less. It's not difficult, surely.

I am pleased you had a good sleep last night. It all helps to quiet the mind. We just have to put one foot in front of the other, I guess.

Yes, Exactly @Historylover

I completely agree. It is not too much to ask, surely.

I have met many people. Here on SANE & in my real life. I know I have experienced the mutual respect & safety you also crave, the same as I do.

I keep getting let down tho.

It makes me think that I am the problem.

I have this very strong inclination that it is me that is not seeing properly.

I ruminate how I might have dinner things differently.

I see couples, families, friend, groups. Copacetic.

If they found a way, why not me?

I know I'm capable, v strong, a good, worthy friend, worthy partner, worthy ally. I am loyal, I love to laugh, I love to give & help, I love being me.

I can be me for the rest of my life if that's all there is. Isolation... I'm not sure if that is what I want.

I think, in a sense, I actually do.

I want the freedom to be the only person in existence.

(Now, I'm thinking of that will smith movie, where he is very sad & fighting zombies)

It's difficult to describe what I want.

I think I want to keep all of me.

I want to let go of all of me.

Being vulnerable AND safe is an awesome experience.

I like feeling assured & confident, inner strength.

I want the best of both worlds.

I like being only me, confident.

Being the driver.

And I think I can do that for the rest of my life, & be mostly happy.

It's amazing too, being the passenger. Feeling cared for.

The expression 'back seat driver' .

Maybe that is where I'm finding clarity difficult.

Yes, lots going on in my mind today.

Thankyou for your time. Valuable to me. Honour.

The rest of today is about getting out of my head & soaking in the fresh air.

My wish for you, as you have been so kind to me in your replies, is that you can find a path worthy of 'history lover'.

I believe - at least from this interaction (I don't know you) you are a genuine soul & I want you to have loyal, trusting relationships with whom ever, whatever, you choose. My wish for you is that your life is fulfilling & that can be whatever you choose it to be. I want you to be happy.

Thank you @StanD. I want to be happy, too, but I can only do that on my terms. If people don't respect and value me, I'd rather have safety and solitude.

A magnificent day here today and I am about to go for a walk.

@StanD

Remember that when you start thinking and get lost in your thoughts, the more you dwell on them, the more trapped and stuck you will feel. It's similar to quicksand - the more you think, the deeper you sink.

Gaining a more detached and objective perspective on one's thoughts and feelings can help to alleviate feelings of being trapped or stuck in one's own mind. If you view yourself from above, you will realise that you are trapped in your own thoughts. This awareness can bring you back to the present moment and into your physical body.

It is important that anytime you feel trapped in your thoughts, you take a step back and view yourself from above. This will help you reconnect with your body and the present moment.

I hope you're feeling more relaxed now.

Hey @Historylover cute ducks. About to be brave & step out of my car & sit on grass.

I'm having nervousness. I'm not sure why.

Yes. Safety & solitude.

If respect & value & appreciation & etc etc... Everything I truly deserve not given.

Yes. I can give this to myself. Exactly the way I know I want it.

No guessing or compromise. Maybe trial & error!? I don't want to be so dependent on another that I am scared to be alone.

There is more.

I do get lonely.

I can't deny the power of a hug.

I can maybe give myself everything I know I need. Other people (eg. interacting with you) help to give me more of what i need from myself.

It's about cost.

I have long assumed & currently do right now, that reciprocation or payment is required?

Ideally it is free.

Wow!

Weird place to be.

I like caring for others.

I might be doing it from a place of irrelevance.

God, I think I know all this is true.

I'm never going to remember it all. A glimpse at possible alternative insight.

Possible paradox??

The more I give myself permission to let go &

Be

The more I yearn to be in company of other good poeple!

Then, I get nervous & go back to being different version of me. Walls.

Peace.

I think @EmpoweredPath said everything I could only try to. You have too much time to think, @StanD.

Yes, I have def. heard this one before @Historylover along with, I feel things too deeply, I am too deep, or, I am too sensitive. I am, who I am. Tho, yes, I appreciate your insights & can see where you are coming from. Maybe, I need to write in my journal more. I can't change who I am - getting the thoughts out is a coping strategy.

Thankyou for your kindness.

I noticed you have also started a thread.

I haven't had a chance to read & bad migraine.

It is so kind of you to support me so much.

Final thought, earlier I wished you happiness.

I think maybe Eudaimonia is an appealing path?

Blessings to you all.

Night.

Hello @StanD

Glad you figured out how to start your own thread, but no good it was after a traumatic experience.

I was touched you mentioned we were from the same tribe ... over in the other thread ...but communicating was getting complicated over there ...

Navigating this forum can be tough. Been trying to find the thread I started to discuss being in "out of home" care and do you think I can get the search engines to find it ... nup.

Anyway sending you a coooeee ... hoping you connect with your resilient and hopeful caring side. You are a survivor.

It's called "love" @StanD

You need "love"

As do we all...