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Self Forgiveness and self preservation

EnlightenedNew Contributor04 Mar 2023, 2:50 pm AEDT

Self Forgiveness and self preservation

I have had the unforunate experience of being involved in a professional capacity for the past year with an extended family member, who turned my life upsidedown with volatile, manipulative and abusive behaviours (both verbal and financial). I was quite shocked initially, and put the person's behaviour down to stress, but have since learned that this person is a textbook Grandiose Narcissist, and I was merely a pawn in a grand business scheme. I have done everything I can to remain professional in this very difficult situation, and preserve the family peace, but it has taken a toll on my physical and emotional well being. I will soon be free of any professional duties, but will still need to see this person at family events. I am interested to know have others have regained their sense of wellbeing after this sort of unfortunate experience.

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In response to: Self Forgiveness and self preservation

tymeModerator04 Mar 2023, 3:38 pm AEDT

Re: Self Forgiveness and self preservation

Welcome to the forums @Enlightened ,

I'm sorry this unfortunate situation has happened. It can be tough on anyone, especially if it is family (extended or not).

From my own experience, I have been hurt, and, many times, could have become very bitter. However, with age, I've learnt that if I forgive others, it is like a burden lifted off my shoulders. If I didn't forgive someone, I'd live the rest of my life feeling angry and bitter - this hurts!

I've learnt now that forgiving someone is for my own sake and not theirs. By doing so, I was able to move on. Yes, I may see them from time to time, but I feel I do not want them to hold me back from living life.

In all this, do what your heart tells you. Forgive them for your own sake.

I look forward to hearing how you go with things.

Kindest, tyme

In response to: Re: Self Forgiveness and self preservation

NatureLoverSenior Contributor05 Mar 2023, 7:18 am AEDT

Re: Self Forgiveness and self preservation

@tyme , Once again I take my hat off to you, for being able to practise forgiveness. Something I am unable to fully do for my abusive father.

@Enlightened Welcome...I haven't been in quite a similar situation to you, but my father has been abusive all my life (I'm 51 now). I try to avoid him as much as possible, but lately he has been wanting to meet for coffee occasionally. I pre-prepare some innocuous topics of conversation that mean nothing to me - I am unwilling to show my true self to him, or he'll criticise it and try to tear me down. I also do something that may or may not be a good idea! - I wear old clothing when I meet him, as a silent, private mark of my disrepect to him. The clothing is neat and even pretty, he would never be able to tell, but I don't like that clothing so I keep it for this reason only. So I'm distancing myself and protecting myself.

No idea if this is any help, please ignore if not!

An important forum tip is if you type @ and then click on a name in the drop-down box, that person will get a notification and won't miss your reply.

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