Treatment-resistant depression and anxiety

Hi everyone,

New member here.

I've got treatment-resistant depression and anxiety. I'm on my third try of medications, but have still been feeling absolute shit.

I've been diagnosed for approx. 8 years, but have probably been sick for a lot longer.

I feel really hopeless, wondering why I can't seem to find the right medication yet.

I haven't been able to leave my flat for more than 2 hrs, catch public transport on my own, catch up with my friends, or even be fully independent.

It seems like every year, I have a mental breakdown... but this is the longest it's lasted so far. I haven't been able to work for half a year, and even got emailed by my boss hinting that I will be getting kicked out of the casual pool.

I've got a weird thinking loop lately:

Maybe the medications aren't working because I'm not actually sick. Maybe I'm a lazy shit and that I'm just making things up or faking my illness. Like maybe I'm just trying to seek attention.

I feel like an imposter.

[But then - if I'm having to take medications, that must mean I'm sick. And if I'm sick and still sad, it must mean that it's my fault because my body's not responding to it.

Why else would the medications not work?]

Does anyone else ever feel/wonder about this?

How do you cope or find hope?

Especially if you have treatment-resistant depression and anxiety as well?

Hope to hear back soon.

Thanks,

gg90.