Treatment-resistant depression and anxiety

Hey @gg90 I was in a similar position years ago. We tried so many different medications, dosages and combinations. Some gave a little short term relief, some sent me back to the depths of despair. It took just over 2 years to finally get the right fit for me - both combinations and dosages. I also had over 2 years off work so it was a very long and dark time for a long time.

I am now on medication (over 3 years now) that have worked so it was worth persisting to get there. I am also back at work full time. I am saying this to give you hope that it can turn around. I went through hell and back for a very long time so to be where I am now is not something I ever thought would happen. I do have an amazing team around me and the forums, counsellors and managers here at SANE have not only supported me through all this but given me hope when I have had none ...so I suppose that is what I am holding onto for you also. You can never know just how hard it is to be where you are at unless you have been there yourself ...so keep reaching out here and I hope you can receive the same support I have over the years.

Hi @gg90 ,

Medication doesn't always solve everything, there are many other ways to handle mental illness. Some people have bad side effects and cannot take the medications because they are too disruptive to normal function. And as far as the medications are concerned, if you are taking them and they are not working, I would not blame yourself, it's just the medication doesn't work. You sound like you are very harsh on yourself, that can be an added stressor in your life that may cause you problems. I have been hard on myself for years but all it did was make me unwell over and over again. I'm finally learning to accept myself so that I can be useful to society in some way that may not be a regular job.

Hey @gg90 ,

I've had serotonin syndrome twice from antidepressant medications. Because serotonin syndrome is a serious drug reaction my psychiatrist won't change or increase the antidepressant I'm currently on.

I also developed extrapyramidal side effects which are another serious reaction from a different medication to treat another diagnosis.

I hear and understand your struggles with being stuck in the loop of those same thoughts and emotions.

In complete honesty, I don't cope. I've certainly lost and still lose hope sometimes. Somehow though I still try and pull myself out of the doom and gloom and keep finding other ways that might help me keep on trying.

Don't ever feel like it's your fault. The medications might not be working or your mind/body just doesn't feel right with whatever is going on.

You've shown such resilience by persevering, reaching out for support and keep pushing on with life.

Of course, everybody is different in how they cope and what supports might be available. But these are some things I keep in my toolbelt that I use when I'm not coping.

* I have a brilliant GP who is my main support.

* Even though I'm only on a pension I've been able to keep my private hospital insurance active so whenever I'm in a really bad place I go straight into hospital and stay until I feel okay to go home.
* I am always looking into other methods that might be useful and will do no harm in trying. I've just had my first clinical hypnotherapy appointment today so I've got my fingers crossed that it will give me some relief.
* I also try to be kinder to myself when I'm not doing okay. It's easier said than done but it's worth trying.

Just wondering, have you given transcranial magnetic stimulation rTMS a try? Or has it been mentioned as an option for you to try?

Hi @Zoe7, thank you so much for your support! It means a lot to me.

Hearing that things turned around for you has me hoping it'll be similar for me too.

It has just been so hard.

Hi @justanotherguy ,

I totally agree with you - I am hard on myself.

My psychologist pointed out I have a double-standards - being understanding towards others who are having a hard time, and being really demeaning towards myself.

(It might have something to do with how I was brought up. For example: "It's not an illness if you can't see it." "They're small matters, why are you stressing yourself out?" "Stop crying!")

I'm trying my best to break out of the cycle of negative self-talk and be kinder.

Practising self-compassion is so hard though!

Hi @Christofuuu,

Gosh, that sounds awful! Hope you're doing okay.

I'm so glad that you've got good support and plans for what to do when you're feeling unwell.

How did your clinical hypnotherapy session go?

Thank you for your honesty and encouragement! I felt teary and understood after reading your reply. Hearing from someone with lived experience feels that much more meaningful to me.

I also have a great GP and psychologist! They've been so helpful and reassure me when I'm in a bad place. My GP has referred me to a rTMS clinic; hoping to hear from them next week.

I've also been recommended ACT (as opposed to my usual CBT ones) and EMDR.

My support network has also been great, except there is that tricky part of actually catching up. I've been way too withdrawn to see them in person.

@gg90

Sorry that you got teary but glad they were tears of feeling understood.

Glad to hear you've got supports that can be there for you when needed.

Hopefully, the rTMS will get booked soon for you, and you can give it a go and hopefully get some relief.

My experience from rTMS. I had 20 sessions last year + 25 sessions this year.
The initial 20 sessions had a much more noticeable difference because my mental health was in a really bad way. For the recent 25, the difference wasn't as impactful straight away but I am feeling some improvement. Don't feel discouraged if you don't notice a difference straight away. Everyone reacts differently and some people may feel the difference a bit later than others.

The Black Dog Institute has a research, clinical assessment and treatment centre in Sydney. Their website also has some information on rTMS.
https://tinyurl.com/Black-Dog-rTMS

The hypnotherapist session was good. We went through some techniques to try before my next session. I know a different clinical hypnotherapist who is a wealth of knowledge. Katina at focushypnotherapy.com.au - I'm pretty sure she does telehealth if that's an avenue you want to try. She can discuss medicare rebates. She's also got some good information on her website.

ACT and EMDR are good therapies (I've got a diploma in counselling). If it hasn't been mentioned to you, I would also check with your supports to see if DBT could be a therapy to think about. DBT is one of my favourite therapies. I participated in sessions during group therapy when I was in hospital.

One more suggestion that I can think of that you could explore is EFT Tapping. I won't go into much detail about tapping because it's not something I could give an informed opinion on.

Sorry if I've overwhelmed you with too much information but I've been doing and continue to do research on what can I try so I feel a little more hopeful.

Thank you @Christofuuu! Your suggestions have been extremely helpful! I will check out the therapies you've mentioned.

Hi @gg90 sorry for my late reply - been dealing with some unexpected health issues.

It has been a long, long road to get to where I am now but I am thankful for the hope that others held out for me along the way ...and so much of it right here on the forums. Keep reaching out and know that it is possible to get through even when it feels right now like it isn't. I was right there where you are now - so much to deal with and found each day just so hard to get through. I have a great support team and they held me up when I could not see any light. I have been having some 'down' days for a while but I am staying on top of it all (mainly) with the wonderful support I have around me. That for me was a massive thing - I do not trust but have learnt to with wonderful people around me constantly stepping up when I have needed it. That for me is massive and I hope being part of this community is helping you also. Stay connected and keep reaching out - it does make a difference.

Im not sure if I'm allowed to mention the names of medications or not but there will be one that helps unfortunately I found for many years most psychiatrists/GPs are quite elementary and rigid in their approach to psychopharmacology and do not treat depression both persistent depressive disorder (dysthymia) or Treatment resistant depression anywhere near as aggressively as they should and you must be in full remission. Close enough is not good enough