I feel like I'm being treated for somebody else's problems

@LooneyToones the '10 year' thing was some kind of heuristic, in some workplaces lived experience would substitute for a qualification (not sure if they do that much now). Tact is something that I used to have but somehow unfortunately I could not keep it up.

@Appleblossom, even when I was fighting for clarity in the system, I could see that others were ok with the treatment and still are. I should be careful that I don't drive people away from it unnecessarily. The main problem I faced is that my diagnosis was suspicious, the treatment seemed unnecessary, and after a while I knew there was something else wrong that was not being addressed. So the MH system can only deal with what it can see or be told about but my protests were seen as just more symptoms of mental illness rather than a genuine sense it was not working. To have treatment forced on you is torture, especially when you realise you don't need it. Right now I can talk on these forums without someone theatening to lock me up just because I disagree with them.

Sorry @Appleblossom , I think the real fight started when I started asking sensible, logical questions of my treatment, the medications, and the process. They flew off the handle and I think I got locked up at one stage. They were genuine questions, not delusions or psychosis, yet I was treated as some kind of super villain. I had to point out to them you were allowed to ask your GP or specialist questions about your various treatments, why not them? Why were they above reproach? It just didn't make sense. Now all my files are locked away in storage and I have to apply to see them under freedom of information laws.

If I'm deflecting or just being annoying sorry, I'm just venting after all these years, when I was growing you would never do this thing to someone (or not that I know of).

Ahhh ... @justanotherguy

I get that you are frustrated.

I am not taking it personally.

You posted "genuine questions, not delusions or psychosis," I believe you.

I think it is this forums job to be a place for people to express ... kind of a truth telling ... keep the b*****sds honest kinda thing.

I have done the long journey of applying for files under FOI, and still have quite a few more files to collect. I think it is worth it, but also harrowing. The big problem is redactions, but I also have to live in the present so I am trying to get a life. When I was growing up ... I was in so-called care and orphanages (cos they said both parents had schizophrenia) and yes they were not crash hot places to be. And yes I have applied for some of my family's psych files and would like more. Putting all the stories together. So I might actually understand more than you realise, but things usually come it in little spits and spurts, as people get to know one another.

I have sifted through the insides and outsides of many DSM diagnoses. Looked at UNCRPD and ICD classifications.

You are reaching out to various people, and I do believe it is in the variety that there is hope you will feel heard. We all listen through our own lens ... but it is thru a Lived Experience lens and not a shrink lens. However as we were saying about generalisations. Of course everybody is unique and so are all the doctors.

You know I spoke to my pdoc yesterday and told her about my neighbour problem and he said I was totally normal and there was one in every court, but he was supportive of me, so that was interesting.

After my sister's death, her shrink told me, if she had stayed in private system she would still be alive. I did not know what to think, but file it all away in my mind. Believe me I have seen more than I wanted to see of torture and systemic paranoia .. . shall I call it ... who has the delusions of grandeur ... hmmm ... thats enuff from me.

If I whip myself up into distress it is no good. Finding my inner warrior can only help so much, mostly I have to find my zen and calm.

Apple

@Appleblossom

Peace be with you, peace and calm are wonderful for the soul. Just got some tunes on the CD player (yes, I am stubborn with tech).

EDIT:

And yes, if anyone else is reading this, I got sent to the local mental hospital in the back of an ambulance for a week because I asked some questions about my treatment.

Good to get your tag @justanotherguy I am going to log off and play some music too.