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Something’s not right

BPD

BPD

I think I have Borderline Personality Desorder and as I get older it affects my life and the people around me more to worse. Pushing people away, feeling more lonely and misunderstood than ever. I know I need to do a therapy but every time I tried I feel like the therapist doesn't care and it doesn't help me at all.

12 replies

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In response to: BPD

Re: BPD

Hi @S12

When you say 'I think I have BPD' - have you been diagnosed by a professional eg. psychiatrist??

I have BPD and I was diagnosed by my psych 6 yrs ago. I do understand what you're saying about pushing people away, feeling loney and misunderstood.

Are you seeing a psych or psychologist at the moment?

There is also DBT (dialetical behaviour therapy) which is for BPD sufferers. There are others on here that have BPD and I am sure you will hear from them too 🙂

In response to: BPD

Re: BPD

I was diagnosed by a psychiatrist a couple of years ago but never went back to see him. He told me I should do the therapy but I don't want people to know, can't tell my work, can't find the time to do the therapy and don't have the money more importantly to commit to all these sessions.

In response to: BPD

Re: BPD

I am also very ashamed of myself for being like that. When angry I become uncontrollably violent, I can't stop or calm down, I hurt the one I love and get hurt in the process

In response to: Re: BPD

Re: BPD

I agree @S12 it is very expensive. I did a year of DBT therapy and it was a HUGE commitment for me and financially straining. I would go one night a week and do 2 hours of group therapy and then the following week do one hour of one on one session with my DBT therapist followed by another 2 hours of group. It was expensive and exhausting. The only place that I could do it in was an hour away from home so I would drive every week. I ended up taking that day off work permanently so I could attend the DBT group. But i didn't tell work, I just said I had appointments on that day every week and they were fine with that.

Perhaps you could go back to your psych and have sessions with him. I too don't tell people that i have BPD, i keep it pretty quiet (except on here).

I hope you can get some help, it is very difficult at times, I do understand totally what you mean.

In response to: Re: BPD

Re: BPD

Oh yeah @S12 - that's me too 😞

In response to: BPD

Re: BPD

Hi @S12,

Welcome to the forum. It sounds like you're really struggling with feelings of isolation and being misunderstood, and you've really suffered from the extremes of emotion that occur with BPD. From your post, it's clear that there's a lot of remorse about some of what's happened during those extremes as well. How has it been since that psychiatrist gave you that diagnosis? Was it at all helpful? Have you had much peer interaction with other people with BPD? There's a lot of threads on this forum where people have shared their experiences. I hope you'll find some comfort in reading them and it'll make you feel a bit less isolated and misunderstood.

Try these:

https://saneforums.org/t5/Our-experience-stories/BPD-How-do-you-tell-your-loved-ones/m-p/116645/highlight/true#M21936

https://saneforums.org/t5/Our-experience-stories/BPD-recovery/m-p/38439/highlight/true#M6678

https://saneforums.org/t5/Our-experience-stories/dealing-with-bpd/m-p/51882/highlight/true#M9757

https://saneforums.org/t5/Our-experience-stories/New-diagnosis-of-BPD/m-p/97641/highlight/true#M16682

Maybe @Billamba, @james_biss, @1stepup61, @chemonro @Ellie @peace @isabella @dwoods77 @Rose11 @shanc @Jynxme want to contribute to the conversation?

Here's a blog from a BPD suffered that was originally posted by @kristin

In response to: BPD

Re: BPD

For the last 2 years I have denied my diagnosis but I have finally accepted the fact that I have something wrong and only just told my partner. Since telling him and reading about it, and therefore taking about it, I recognise so many of the symptoms, like I'm reading about myself and yes I thought it was only me! Thank you for sharing those links. I still have trouble accepting that I have a mental illness which cannot be treated with any medications. All my life I know I had this condition but my mum was my buffer, every time I felt out of control, she managed to talk me through it. And she passed away suddenly, leaving me to deal with this on my own. And the grief of her loss...

In response to: Re: BPD

Re: BPD

Hi @S12

I'm so sorry to hear about your mother. Losing a parent is devastating - managing other mental health challenges on top of this must be exhausting.

I saw that you mentioned that money was an issue - psychiatrists can definitely be expensive.

I would encourage you to see your GP about getting bulk billed sessions with a psychologist - which you are entitled to through medicare.

It can be tricky to find the right treating team and what does & doesn't work for you - but many talk about how worth it, it has been.
I'm glad you sound the resources helpful 🙂 You are definitely not alone!

In response to: BPD

Re: BPD

I also was diagnosed several years ago with both PTSD and BPD and was told that it's due to very traumatic life experiences and it's been a tough ride I will tell you. My partner struggles to understand what I'm going through and detaches from me which I know it's hard for him to but living this is non stop nightmare. The feeling lonely and not good enough, depressed, mood swings, it's exhausting. I don't know where else to turn as I feel my wonderful relationship is suffering extremely and I know I'm my heart God has joined us together and this painful illness is trying to rip it apart.

In response to: BPD

Re: BPD

Hi @Cassie007
I have BPD traits as part of a mixed type personality disorder. I struggle with the mood swings and intensity of my emotions too. I don't experience the PTSD though. I'm wondering if you have some professional support to help you with this. For me having a therapist and other supports has been essential to get this far. I understand the wild roller coaster feeling that feels like it will never change. Very recently I have had a few wins which is giving me hope life can be better than this.

Welcome to the forum. There are quite a few members who have experiences with BPD. The forum has been a supportive place for me personally and I've learned a great deal from reading others stories too. 👋😊
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