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Piecing the shattered glass together

creative_writerSenior Contributor02 Feb 2023, 8:35 pm AEDT

Piecing the shattered glass together

I decided to start a new thread, my new chapter in my life is going to focus on healing my traumas, building resilience and self-worth and taking the steps of achieving mood stability. I am praying this year will be better than the last. Last year the SI got really intense, was so close to losing hope and I felt like my heart was breaking into a million pieces like shattered glass. It all still feels overwhelming, I have a long way to go on my healing journey, but I think I'm starting to feel a bit more hopeful about the future.

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In response to: Piecing the shattered glass together

creative_writerSenior Contributor23 Apr 2023, 5:33 pm AEST

Re: Piecing the shattered glass together

@Kyle1, I did stop listening to super depressing music, just got back into it when things got worse again. But now, I listen to SI music again, even though it may not be helping the thoughts.

I don’t know what I agreed to for Tom, a study session followed by uni event, not doing great today, I guess I’ll be putting on my smiley mask tom. It’s exhausting pretending.

In response to: Re: Piecing the shattered glass together

Kyle1Senior Contributor23 Apr 2023, 5:45 pm AEST

Re: Piecing the shattered glass together

Tomorrow may be tough... @creative_writer

It sounds like you've agreed to keep a time table, but you're not sure what's involved, exactly ?..

If I understand you right, I sort of did the same thing last week... I nearly had a nervous breakdown, but I made it through.

And then did something kinda silly. I went and got drunk!

In response to: Re: Piecing the shattered glass together

creative_writerSenior Contributor23 Apr 2023, 5:57 pm AEST

Re: Piecing the shattered glass together

@Kyle1, I rather spend time in bed. The thing is I can’t afford to go into a crisis right now even though I feel like I am headed there, I have a lot to do for uni assignments and then placements.

In response to: Re: Piecing the shattered glass together

Kyle1Senior Contributor23 Apr 2023, 6:02 pm AEST

Re: Piecing the shattered glass together

Yeah, I see...

I'm just wondering - with all that in mind - what positives can be found in amongst all that? @creative_writer ...

In response to: Re: Piecing the shattered glass together

creative_writerSenior Contributor23 Apr 2023, 6:07 pm AEST

Re: Piecing the shattered glass together

@Kyle1, I’m still alive even though I don’t want to be. It feels really hopeless right now.

In response to: Re: Piecing the shattered glass together

Kyle1Senior Contributor23 Apr 2023, 6:25 pm AEST

Re: Piecing the shattered glass together

@creative_writer

It could also be a positive, friend, that you have some structure with which to build your days around...

You can see what's ahead for you, what needs doing, and for the inbetween times you can strategise and cultivate further some of those things that you already know make you feel better; help you cope...

You remember what they were? ...

In response to: Re: Piecing the shattered glass together

creative_writerSenior Contributor23 Apr 2023, 6:43 pm AEST

Re: Piecing the shattered glass together

@Kyle1, I do have self-soothing things like prayer, nature sounds, relaxing music, showers, and grounding. Then distraction stuff like uni, reading, and watching TV. I'm using those strategies but still feel like crap, it's like my brain refuses to cooperate, I feel paralysed in a way, stuck in the same thought patterns. I don't understand why I am in so much emotional pain, I don't know what happened to me, I thought i was getting better, now I just feel it more intensely now and it feels like it's getting worse. It just keeps building up, I can't live like this.

In response to: Re: Piecing the shattered glass together

Kyle1Senior Contributor23 Apr 2023, 6:56 pm AEST

Re: Piecing the shattered glass together

@creative_writer I'm sorry if this seems random, but can I ask: what do you like to do outdoors?

I know you suffer migraines at times. Is it the out of doors that contributes to these?

Are you far from the beach? Do you like to walk barefoot in the sand, or run or any such thing??

Is it OK if I ask...

In response to: Re: Piecing the shattered glass together

creative_writerSenior Contributor23 Apr 2023, 7:18 pm AEST

Re: Piecing the shattered glass together

@Kyle1, the problem is I don't usually have the motivation or energy to leave the house. I used to go out all the time for walks during lockdown even. I guess I lost interest in life and I feel so weak a lot of the time. I get daily bad migraine attacks, and even after it settles, I am left with a hangover. Uni feels like a chore right now too. My mind is occupied with the way out instead. I may be safe for now, but for how long?

In response to: Re: Piecing the shattered glass together

Kyle1Senior Contributor23 Apr 2023, 7:35 pm AEST

Re: Piecing the shattered glass together

It really sounds like it all gets on top of you @creative_writer . You and I may have different back stories, but I do know how exhausting it can be - to have the weight of MI on one's mind for so long...

I used to exercise regularly. And hiking, especially, always did me good. These days I feel as athletic as Usain bolt if I can atleast manage to brush my teeth! 😆

Do you have a regular day that you visit your mosque? I wanna share with you how dreadful I've been feeling these past few days, and this morning wasn't looking any better. But I felt 'something else' as I pondered in groans about going out to church this morning. And I got out of my own way long enough to get out of bed and down the street.

It was interesting, and inspiring: the sermon today felt like it was tailored just for me! AND, I did actually take some strawberries down to the estuary this afternoon, too!

I guess I just want to encourage you to keep trying even small moves in the right direction. You may just catch a little divine gust to push you along sometime...

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