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Piecing the shattered glass together

creative_writerSenior Contributor02 Feb 2023, 8:35 pm AEDT

Piecing the shattered glass together

I decided to start a new thread, my new chapter in my life is going to focus on healing my traumas, building resilience and self-worth and taking the steps of achieving mood stability. I am praying this year will be better than the last. Last year the SI got really intense, was so close to losing hope and I felt like my heart was breaking into a million pieces like shattered glass. It all still feels overwhelming, I have a long way to go on my healing journey, but I think I'm starting to feel a bit more hopeful about the future.

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In response to: Piecing the shattered glass together

creative_writerSenior Contributor19 Apr 2023, 5:13 pm AEST

Re: Piecing the shattered glass together

Emotions are starting to steam like boiling water. The thing is I don’t even feel like talking to anyone about the chaos in my head, I just don’t feel bothered but my thoughts are getting dark.

In response to: Re: Piecing the shattered glass together

tymeModerator19 Apr 2023, 5:28 pm AEST

Re: Piecing the shattered glass together

Hugs @creative_writer . I'm here.

In response to: Re: Piecing the shattered glass together

creative_writerSenior Contributor19 Apr 2023, 5:33 pm AEST

Re: Piecing the shattered glass together

@tyme, I am on chat with SANE, SI is getting to me. I really didn’t want to talk to someone, but I guess I had to.

In response to: Re: Piecing the shattered glass together

tymeModerator19 Apr 2023, 5:40 pm AEST

Re: Piecing the shattered glass together

Good on you for reaching out @creative_writer 🙂 Proud of you.

In response to: Re: Piecing the shattered glass together

creative_writerSenior Contributor19 Apr 2023, 6:31 pm AEST

Re: Piecing the shattered glass together

@tyme, it helped a bit to talk to a counsellor and I also had some dinner. Just tired that I keep falling into this mess, but it’s just my life right now. I am still grateful that I am not as suicidal earlier in the day, even though my mood is still low.

In response to: Re: Piecing the shattered glass together

tymeModerator19 Apr 2023, 6:49 pm AEST

Re: Piecing the shattered glass together

You are making an effort, and that's what counts. @creative_writer .

Hugs.

In response to: Re: Piecing the shattered glass together

creative_writerSenior Contributor19 Apr 2023, 7:23 pm AEST

Re: Piecing the shattered glass together

@tyme, it feels like whatever I do, it's never enough. I feel like I am the "problem". Can't help but wonder whether all the times I was blamed for my MH were an accurate reflection of my character.

In response to: Re: Piecing the shattered glass together

tymeModerator19 Apr 2023, 7:27 pm AEST

Re: Piecing the shattered glass together

"Blame" is a very harsh word there @creative_writer .

Certainly, we all contribute to our MH but so do many other things:

- family

- faith

- biological make up

- friends

- situations

- trauma...

So why single out the 'YOU' in this?

Give yourself credit. I acknowledge this is a rough time, but it doesn't stay this way forever.

In response to: Re: Piecing the shattered glass together

creative_writerSenior Contributor19 Apr 2023, 7:42 pm AEST

Re: Piecing the shattered glass together

@tyme, I'm sorry, just my brain like to remember all the times I felt blamed for being a consumer in the mental health system. I know my current supporting team do not blame me, but I've had my share of experiences that I wish I could forget. I felt so worthless for being sick like I wasn't getting better because I was "not trying hard enough". I suppose I may have been immature at times too, but you do still behave like an adolescent when you fall under the youth category.

In response to: Re: Piecing the shattered glass together

tymeModerator19 Apr 2023, 7:59 pm AEST

Re: Piecing the shattered glass together

I do believe age/experiences play a part, but I would not put 'blame' in anything. Whatever you are experiencing is REAL, and that is what we work with. @creative_writer

From my experience, things DO get better... unfortunately, I had to wait until my 30s before this even began to happen...

But I couldn't be more satisfied now. I think all the things I am doing now makes up for if I didn't have a MH condition back then.

If anyone knew seriously what my day looks like, they'd be shocked. I do so much more than just participate on the forums...

And as for seeing yourself as a 'consumer' (I personally don't like that term), let's say I know that once you are well and up, you will give ten fold back to the community. That's just your nature - you really have it in you.

What's happening now is a chance for you to be able to help more people in the future - look at it that way perhaps.

The MH system certainly 'spent' a lot on me - however, now I feel like my life is to give back (not grudgingly, but with great honour).

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