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Piecing the shattered glass together

creative_writerSenior Contributor02 Feb 2023, 8:35 pm AEDT

Piecing the shattered glass together

I decided to start a new thread, my new chapter in my life is going to focus on healing my traumas, building resilience and self-worth and taking the steps of achieving mood stability. I am praying this year will be better than the last. Last year the SI got really intense, was so close to losing hope and I felt like my heart was breaking into a million pieces like shattered glass. It all still feels overwhelming, I have a long way to go on my healing journey, but I think I'm starting to feel a bit more hopeful about the future.

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In response to: Piecing the shattered glass together

creative_writerSenior Contributor08 Apr 2023, 5:19 pm AEST

Re: Piecing the shattered glass together

@Kyle1, it’s true I’ve been here before, I’ve been spending much of today in bed since yesterday. I feel so stuck in darkness and struggling to get out. Sorry for venting so much lately, I’ve noticed a sudden change of worsening of mood.

At least I’ve managed to take a shower, and put fish on the stove. I have to change my bedsheets, though I don’t feel bothered. You’ve got to do what you’ve got to do.

In response to: Re: Piecing the shattered glass together

Kyle1Senior Contributor08 Apr 2023, 5:29 pm AEST

Re: Piecing the shattered glass together

Hey, don't apologise for sharing and letting your feelings out @creative_writer

I'm just wondering: are you alone, or do you share your residence? On days that I didn't have the children with me I would lay in, aswell. Weeping. Waylaid. Unwashed!

The only way I could do what I didn't want to ( like eating or laundry) was to put on music I liked...

In response to: Re: Piecing the shattered glass together

creative_writerSenior Contributor08 Apr 2023, 5:40 pm AEST

Re: Piecing the shattered glass together

@Kyle1, I still live with my immediate family, parents and siblings. It’s kind of the reason why I never really get much time to cry because I have people around me.

In response to: Re: Piecing the shattered glass together

Kyle1Senior Contributor08 Apr 2023, 5:54 pm AEST

Re: Piecing the shattered glass together

Oh, that's right...I think I remember you saying so not very long ago. Sorry... @creative_writer

Maybe that shower is just the place to let some of those tears get through, hmm?

And then, your perfume! 💐

In response to: Re: Piecing the shattered glass together

creative_writerSenior Contributor08 Apr 2023, 6:48 pm AEST

Re: Piecing the shattered glass together

@Kyle1, the shower could be a place of emotional release. I know I shouldn’t be embarrassed for having big emotions, but I do. I had many instances where I felt like other people couldn’t handle it and had to do it on my own. I’m not good with emotional intimacy as a result.

In response to: Re: Piecing the shattered glass together

Kyle1Senior Contributor08 Apr 2023, 7:00 pm AEST

Re: Piecing the shattered glass together

I think I understand... @creative_writer

I've had recent days where I haven't held back emotionally, either out of desperation, or utter helplessness, and have completely overwhelmed those around me. One day I even dragged down my GP!

Nowadays I'm more conscious in choosing to isolate. Or not tell the whole of what's actually happening inside...

The forums have been good, though. Thanks to people like you!

In response to: Re: Piecing the shattered glass together

creative_writerSenior Contributor08 Apr 2023, 7:16 pm AEST

Re: Piecing the shattered glass together

@Kyle1, I don’t want to be needy and codependent. I don’t want to burden people. If other people can’t manage my emotions, I must carry them alone, I’ve been doing that since I was young. Plus, it feels so much safer alone. I can tolerate feeling lonely while alone, but I cannot tolerate feeling lonely and disconnected around people. I never had that sense of belonging.

In response to: Re: Piecing the shattered glass together

Kyle1Senior Contributor08 Apr 2023, 7:24 pm AEST

Re: Piecing the shattered glass together

This is where I struggle, philosophically. I totally believe we are wired for connection... @creative_writer

I spent a large portion of my 20's living as a recluse. And I liked it. Eventually I felt guilty, though. And inevitably like something was missing...

In response to: Re: Piecing the shattered glass together

creative_writerSenior Contributor08 Apr 2023, 7:33 pm AEST

Re: Piecing the shattered glass together

@Kyle1, I have suppressed the need for connection in the past, it just doesn’t work in the long term. I wish I knew what to do. I have professional supports and all. Though the pdoc is new, and his professional judgement is out of sync with my psychologist, will see what happens, I’m totally confused 🤔. My psychologist knows me better, but aren’t Pdocs the ones making diagnoses?

In response to: Re: Piecing the shattered glass together

Kyle1Senior Contributor08 Apr 2023, 7:53 pm AEST

Re: Piecing the shattered glass together

Mmm... It's difficult for me to say @creative_writer

I would value what my psychologist had to say. And I would value my psychiatrist's input, too (if I had a regular one).

But then, at the end of the day, I have to relearn how to value my own perspective too. It is only my life that I can live. Not anyone else's. Not even a 'psych expert'...

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