Daughter with BPD

@Dominique21 , I’m not sure if you got the tag above from @Jessicaa11 - it was such a powerful post. See above.

I have a daughter with BPD, too. She first showed symptoms at about 22 years of age. She is now 40.

My wife and I have struggled for 18 years. We have had very many crises and ups and downs in that time.

We found it hard to get effective professional support. Many psychiatrists have been consulted over the years. Our daughter was often resistant to professional advice.

Fortunately, our daughter now has an excellent psychologist with whom she has made great progress using dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT). Importantly, she also has an excellent GP who liaises effectively with the psychologist.

Nevertheless, crises continue to occur. Police were involved following two recent incidents. A court case is pending.

My wife and I still struggle. We are still unsure how much support to provide and how best to protect ourselves.

We have two other adult children, one of whom has fled interstate to escape the situation. She tells us she will not be returning. This saddens us greatly.

In our society, mental illness is shameful. For that reason, carers are tempted to keep news of the illness to themselves. We ourselves did that, and it was a big mistake.

My best tip is to let in the light, and to do so early. Get as much external help as you can as soon as you can. Join groups like this one. Tell everyone. Shout it from the rooftops.

The needs of people with BPD must be acknowledged by the wider community. Families should not be expected to take on the crushing load that BPD imposes. Families who do take on that load enable the wider community to evade its responsibility. No family can cope alone with BPD.

Hey @David402 ,

Thank you for sharing this.

I'm tagging @BPDSurvivor who has a wealth of experience in this space. You are also welcome to visit Raising Awareness of BPD - Flipping the Script

I hear the pain @David402 , Thank you for sharing.

I’ve been on the other side. I was the borderline. I was hurting. I was crushed. I wanted each day to be the last - simply to stop the pain.

I didn’t see hope and I also resisted professional support.

Yet because of the hope and understanding one very specialised BPD clinic had - i’m here today.

I want to see more support for families. I want to see more support for borderlines. That is my dream. That is my hope.

Many people come to these forums seeking support for themselves or someone with BPD. Not because it is a widely prevalent condition (affecting maybe 4% of the Australian population), but because treatment is so limited. Many are going years without the help the deserve.

My heart cries out to all those who have not been able to access treatment like myself.

What will it take for things to change?

I am in remission. I live an incredible life. I couldn’t be more satisfied…. But it took years of bloody hard treatment to get to this place.

Hi @Jessicaa11

How did it go on the phone with SANE? I hope you're feeling a little better this afternoon.

Hanami

It went great had a lovely gentleman on the phone who was able to provide me a lot of empathy and a keen listening ear - i’m a pretty frequent caller I’d say as i’ve been using crisis support hotlines for the past 3 years along with therapy/social workers/friends/family/drug counselling services in the past etc.

I found out i’m a person that needs talk therapy to calm down a situation. I’m not someone who can accept hugs and loves, especially from myself during a time of distress - I split on myself and it can turn to self loathing pretty quickly. To avoid this I know I need to talk to someone who is empathetic. I used to debrief with friends/family but I realised I started absorbing a lot of their time and energy and ive pulled back on that and just gone to actual support services like suicide hotlines etc (though i will never act on dark thoughts like those because i know it’s so so so important for my daughter to have a mother).

The phone call was basically me debriefing my concerns and the caller providing insight/perspective I may or may not have seen. My biggest “problem” today was that I did not want to burden/annoy my partner - which in turn would hurt my self esteem which is already quite low and i have responsibilities to go to work tomorrow. I know myself enough to know if i upset myself enough and keep myself on a strict punishment plan (withdrawal, no acceptance of love cuddles or talking) it will hurt me too and not only that, after my call with SANE i was able to debrief clearly my concerns and worries and my partner (after much needed hygiene (brush teeth, shower, clothes) gave me his insight too, he reminded me that it will hurt him more if i push him away because he loves me and cares about me. He does not want me to withdraw for a premeditated fear i have that has not even happened yet. He would rather I keep trying and not give up, no matter how hard or dissatisfied i am with myself. i’m in a much better place now than earlier

Hi @Jessicaa11

I'm super glad to hear the call was beneficial for you! Keep reaching out, we are all here for you. This is a wonderfully supportive community.

Sending hugs

Hanami

Hi @Jessicaa11 !

Thank you for your post! I can totally relate!

When I got better and to a level of functioning, I wanted nothing more than to help those with BPD. I feel like there's just not enough support out there for those with BPD - and their families.

It seems many times that medication is the first point of call. Unfortunately, it's the talking therapies that help make the changes needed with BPD. I'm so glad to hear that you feel like you are able to absorb more of the DBT sessions now. That's so important. And that's probably where meds come in - help you to get able to absorb the therapy and practice the skills.

Also, I found that most of the 'work' was done AFTER the therapy was completed. While in therapy, i was like I had someone to lean on if things were tough. But out of therapy, I had no one to rely on and had to solely pick myself up when I mentally fell in a heap.

I'm wondering if that may be the same for you in the future?

All the best with you recovery.

Please feel free to tag me in to your posts because I missed the last few. You can tag me by typing '@' in front of my name. like this @BPDSurvivor - that way I know when you post!

hi @Dominique21 @Jessicaa11 @David402 @Chloe7 @Diamond_

im wondering how you are all going in terms of the BPD world?

Hope you are all okay.

BPD is tough, but definitely worthwhile.