Unknown userMember
😢
The pain so great....😢
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😢
46 replies
In response to: 😢
Unknown userMember
Re: 😢
@Former-Member@Former-Member - thank you ❤️ But this depressive bout is leaving me feeling so fatigued...I just have no motivation. Daughter has been abusive and my husband becomes distressed; this triggers me and all the pain of abuse and losses of the past that I believed I moved forward from comes crashing back knocking me on my back - just all feels too much. And the distress and pain overwhelms me to the point where I feel I just cannot take it anymore.
All I want is a happy peaceful life for us all - But all I experience presently is heartache with all my dreams being tossed to the wind. I dont want to do anything presently - too distressed to do what I normally do. When will this pain finally end for me - it's so hard.
When triggered my thoughts become distorted - I start to believe I will lose everything, that my husband will abandon me and no one will care even with no evidence to support this. I lose touch with the reality for a period. Not good. I lose faith and start to become highly distressed. This can happen to me at rare periods (as it did today) when life has been chronically stressful or hurtful; otherwise mostly I am on a even keel and rational and calm but when triggered bang!, I get into this state that I will lose everything and believe it 100 percent and go into a meltdown; - especially when daughter is disrespectful and abusive towards me.
Can anyone explain what is happening to me at this time @Kurra@Former-Member@MoonGal@Former-Member@Former-Member@utopiaor anyone else? When all reason, faith and rationale goes flying out the window ? Any tips how to pull myself together at these times are appreciated as it can get serious. 😢
Tomorrow is my volunteer work and I will do my upmost to go as I don't want to let anyone down but not sure how I am going to do it. Feel so low - hope to tomorrow this depression eases.
In response to: Re: 😢
ArjaySenior Contributor
Re: 😢
Hi, sure hope this posts! Of late I have been writing lists of the things to do for the day. Even if it is something like putting out the garbage. I feel satisfied and good when I can look back on the day and say well done.
In response to: Re: 😢
Unknown userMember
Re: 😢
I'm not good at advising people what to do but I think you need to start putting yourself first. I have mention possible admission to hospital before for either you or your daughter but obviously that is something only you can decide because if it was me I would be exploring that path.
There is an hospital that runs a family program as part of your inpatient treatment- I'm not sure if you attend the program has an outpatient only client, but people I have seen go through this program have made changes to their lives for the better. etc better relationships, mental improvement, quality life, communication skills
I know you were just asking about how to manage your feelings and past trauma now, and that might be to do some grounding activities. You may also think of doing some counselling or inpatient care or famiy program. I think you need some help for you and like said previously you need to put yourself first and no more being worried about letting others down, I am more concerned about letting yourself down.
I could put some perspective from my experience from when my mum was on lifesupport and what I wished for but not sure if this is going to help you. I hope this as helped you a little.
In response to: 😢
Unknown userMember
Re: 😢
Hi @Former-Member,
I just wanted to share that I think I know what you are feeling at the moment. For me it is like a ball of twisted emotions distorting everything. I have a similar but not the same dynamic in my house at the moment. I am in hospital at the moment largely because I couldn't see how to deal with the dynamics at home - one of them being my son being disrespectful and hurting me so much. I have wanted to explode over the last few weeks and yell at him that if I end my life it would be his fault which is not true but he has pushed all my buttons that I feel so powerless with his behaviours. I also have another dynamic which renders a hopeless feeling. I ended up feeling suicidal and wanting to act on it but have gone to hospital to be safe and have help and respite to go home to face it again. I guess we have to find a way to cocoon ourselves when the disrespectful behaviours come. Have you a psychologist to help you with this? I am hoping to get some help and strategies whilst in hospital so that I go home with something that helps. Like you I absorb all conflict and pain in my family too. I'm sorry that I can't help but hope by saying you're not alone with this helps. I'll let you know if I find any strategies that help. I also wanted to say it's ok for you to feel all this at the moment. It's entirely a normal reaction to such intense stress. So I think let everything go for now and just go back to hour by hour. That's what is most helpful for me now. I was also wondering if you could have a daughter free zone for your husband and you that your daughter knows she can't come into because you need time out. I would imagine that might make her think about things a bit as well because it would be a visible sign that you are feeling vulnerable and need space. She doesn't need to know it's from her but just that you are finding it difficult at that point. It also gives you and hubby a space to help each other. I'm really not sure about this and would talk to a mental health professional about it first. I have to find a way to stop being a doormat for my son and be his parent again. Wishing you all the best. Sending loads of hugs. 💜😊💐
I just wanted to share that I think I know what you are feeling at the moment. For me it is like a ball of twisted emotions distorting everything. I have a similar but not the same dynamic in my house at the moment. I am in hospital at the moment largely because I couldn't see how to deal with the dynamics at home - one of them being my son being disrespectful and hurting me so much. I have wanted to explode over the last few weeks and yell at him that if I end my life it would be his fault which is not true but he has pushed all my buttons that I feel so powerless with his behaviours. I also have another dynamic which renders a hopeless feeling. I ended up feeling suicidal and wanting to act on it but have gone to hospital to be safe and have help and respite to go home to face it again. I guess we have to find a way to cocoon ourselves when the disrespectful behaviours come. Have you a psychologist to help you with this? I am hoping to get some help and strategies whilst in hospital so that I go home with something that helps. Like you I absorb all conflict and pain in my family too. I'm sorry that I can't help but hope by saying you're not alone with this helps. I'll let you know if I find any strategies that help. I also wanted to say it's ok for you to feel all this at the moment. It's entirely a normal reaction to such intense stress. So I think let everything go for now and just go back to hour by hour. That's what is most helpful for me now. I was also wondering if you could have a daughter free zone for your husband and you that your daughter knows she can't come into because you need time out. I would imagine that might make her think about things a bit as well because it would be a visible sign that you are feeling vulnerable and need space. She doesn't need to know it's from her but just that you are finding it difficult at that point. It also gives you and hubby a space to help each other. I'm really not sure about this and would talk to a mental health professional about it first. I have to find a way to stop being a doormat for my son and be his parent again. Wishing you all the best. Sending loads of hugs. 💜😊💐
In response to: 😢
utopiaSenior Contributor
Re: 😢
@Former-Member. I'm sorry but I don't have any advice for you on this. I'm struggling wuth similar feelings. I thought I was level and able to cope - but one dream about an old friend - has just caused me such emotional turmoil and anxiety - that I feel lost.
But I'm going to see my wonderful psychologist tomorrow afternoon. I'm sure he will be able to set me straight again.
Hopefully - his strategies will also help you. I'll write tomorrow and let you know.
Until then, I'm thinking of you.
But I'm going to see my wonderful psychologist tomorrow afternoon. I'm sure he will be able to set me straight again.
Hopefully - his strategies will also help you. I'll write tomorrow and let you know.
Until then, I'm thinking of you.
In response to: Re: 😢
Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor
Re: 😢
@Former-Member @Former-Member
I don't know whether it is of any use to you .... but when my teens and twenty-somethings have been emotionally abrasive and disrespectful, I have drawn s a "bag of tricks" to cope. Here are some -
State firmly, "I don't accept being spoken to that way !" and leave the room.
State, "I'm on a time out !" and plug in my earphones.
Go to my room and stay there, only coming out to run raids on the essential housework.
eRing a friend and have a big, fat whinge ....
sCry when I'm alone, cos it really, really hurts ....
Grab my keys and leave the house .... go for a walk .... go for a drive .... have a coffee somewhere .... not go back till I have settled down again.re
Go for a foot massage, earphones on, favourite music in my ears.
Oh, and I pray for them .... and me .... cos I'm important too .....
And I make the laziest dinner I can think of.
🌷💜
There might br other things, but I'm too tired to recollect.
In response to: Re: 😢
BlueBaySenior Contributor
Re: 😢
@Former-Member
Just wanted to say that I am thinking of you. Sending you lots of strength and love and of course hugs xxxooo
take care 
In response to: 😢
KurraSenior Contributor
Re: 😢
@Former-Member
OTE I'm thinking of you and will walk beside you today. Borrow some strength and courage from me. You can pay it back when my spirits are flagging.
Take care lass 💕 🎶 💕
OTE I'm thinking of you and will walk beside you today. Borrow some strength and courage from me. You can pay it back when my spirits are flagging.
Take care lass 💕 🎶 💕
In response to: Re: 😢
Unknown userMember
Re: 😢
Thank you @Former-Member@Former-Member@Faith-and-Hope@Kurra@BlueBay@utopia@Former-Member
But I think my intuition was right. I am losing everything. Sitting here feeling numb - once that wears off afraid that I will come undone.
My daughter smashed her own car on purpose after a fight with boyfriend. She has sustained injuries and the car is presently abandoned. She is totally unstable and not only could of this costed her own life but someone else's - but the mental team won't help because she won't contact them. What happened to being a danger to oneself and others? Their neglect of wiping her may cost other lives.
There was no sign of this before she went out - she was fine. Yes it's the abusive boyfriend but it's also her instability. She only was given a mood stabiliser for suspected bi-polar as well.
My husband is feeling the strain and feel I am losing him as well. Even if not physically - emotionally, mentally and spiritually.
I feel that it is over for me now my friends. I have done everything humanly possible to make a life's and heal but this is too much for anyone. It really is over and I don't know what I will do when they tsumani of grief and desolation hits. Scared.
In response to: Re: 😢
Unknown userMember
Re: 😢
I am now suffering physical symptoms of shock
