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Newbie - caring for husband with major depression

martha_ingridNew Contributor05 Jan 2023, 11:38 am AEDT

Newbie - caring for husband with major depression

Hello, I'm new here after caring for my husband for the last 5 months with a major depressive episode, and general anxiety disorder which he's lived with all his life. He's been off work since August and has deteriorated over the Christmas period.

He also has ADHD, as do I, and both our children (fun!), so it's challenging to manage everyone's mental health, not least because I struggle too from time to time.

We don't have any family around us, and my family live 6 hours interstate, in the country. My kids are desperate to move there, and I am very tempted, so that we can finally have some help and support around that may make things easier. I'm just not sure it will be good for my husband's mental health. He's from the UK and very much a city person.

Prior to his illness he was far out-earning me and we rely on his income to live in the major, very expensive, city that we live in. I am scared that he won't get better, at least in the medium term, and we will be forced to leave in a crisis.

I am emotionally exhausted, and feel really isolated as no-one I know has really experienced these sorts of challenges. I guess I'm just looking for some friendly folks who may have some words of wisdom or encouragement.

2 replies

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In response to: Newbie - caring for husband with major depression

amber22Senior Contributor05 Jan 2023, 2:02 pm AEDT

Re: Newbie - caring for husband with major depression

Hello @martha_ingrid and welcome to the forums ❤️

My name is Amber22 and I am a peer worker here at SANE. I am so glad that you have joined out forums and that you have shared what you are going through.

Are you able to do a short trip to visit your family that live 6 hours away with your husband to see how he likes living out there? I see that you are worried because he is a city person, but maybe a change of pace and scenery might be just what he needs. Have you brought up the possibility of moving there with him? It does seem to make a lot of sense as you would have more support and it wouldn't be as financially burdening as living in the expensive city that you do now. See how you go speaking about it with him, he might surprise you!

All the best,

Amber22

In response to: Newbie - caring for husband with major depression

FloatingFeatherSenior Contributor06 Jan 2023, 3:21 pm AEDT

Re: Newbie - caring for husband with major depression

Hi @martha_ingrid,

My name is FloatingFeather and I am one of the peer support workers at SANE. It is really nice to have you with us. It sounds like you have a lot on your shoulders at the moment, and have done for sometime. I can imagine you must be exhausted and worried by the situation with your husband.

As a carer of someone who was diagnosed with a serious mental health issues many years ago I understand some of the challenges you are going through. From my experience it is also very difficult to keep up a positive mood for the family when someone is struggling with a major depressive disorder - it can't be easy on any of you. It is hard to watch someone you love struggle so much from the `sidelines'.

As a carer I can't stress enough the importance of a carer taking care of themselves and also seeking support and being cared for by others. Here are a few organisations that you may like to reach out to that can help:

carers gateway
Carers Australia
The SANE Support Centre which is available to support you from 10am-10pm Monday to Friday. We have counsellors and peer support workers available to support via phone (1800 187 263) or webchat
SANE Guided services which is our new guided service that provides free digital and telehealth services and ongoing tailored support to people over 18 years of age with complex mental health needs and their families and carers SANE Guided Service.

It's also good that you have found our Forums as often being amongst other people who have shared lived experience can be beneficial. This is a link to some information around being a carer Families and Carers. I'm not sure of your children's ages but I was wondering what you might think about getting some support for them as well?

From my experience it did take some time for my family member to get stronger and get back on their feet. Through the help of their professional team, the right medication, and therapy they did improve and I really hope this is the case for your husband too.

It's a lot for a carer to deal with so please reach out for support. It's really hard to carry something like alone, I know from my own experience.

Warm wishes,

FloatingFeather

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