Lost

Hi @Ausmaid ,

Welcome to the forums and congratulations on taking this big step to post.

I hear you are very concerned about your friend.

Do you know whether he has other supports in place such as case management?

Can it be said that perhaps at the moment, it is his illness that is speaking rather than his true care for you as his friend?

I hope he has effective supports in place so that your friendship can soon be restored.

In the meantime, do you have people you can also speak to? It is important that you feel connected and supported at this time.

Please take care, tyme

Hi @tyme

Thanks for your reply.

As far as I'm aware he has no support in place. Certainly not case management. His family arranged this for him once and he refused.

He would only have his lady friend for support right now.

I do try to understand this has come about due to his mental illness and I guess why I feel it important to connect with him again to be there for him. But it seems this is a hard one.

I have reached out for support for myself via online and also just spoke to a lovely lass on the phone that was very helpful. I'm going to see my doctor soon to arrange further help as I do accept that some of this issue is my reaction to the situation and how to handle it better.

I don't really want to lose his friendship but maybe I need to be prepared that I might.

It's very sad.

Thanks again

I'm a cult survivor. It took me years to escape/walk-away. The outside contact I managed to maintain made a difference.

The two main impacts were:

-the friend that saw the abuse and told me I didn't have to accept it.

-the family member who shared their intuition on what was happening while trusted me to trust my own.

Those two things broke the very specific formula of overt behavioral control. Namely the right to safety and the right to self. They are what's taken and what need to be restored.

@wellwellwellnez thanks for your reply.

So I guess you are saying to basically let him know I'm there for support then leave it with him to make his own decision?

Sort of but I'm not totally sure, really.

Like I say, it took me years. I'm glad I got out when I did. I still would of preferred to of gotten out sooner.

What would of got me out sooner is a harder question to answer, as it's in the hypothetical. Did I need to "learn the hard way"? I really can't tell you.

I guess what I'm generally saying is that cult types are sneaky. One way or another, the sun needs to shine in, so they can't hide in the shadows.

To use the mushroom analogy. When out of the dark, the shit that gets fed starts to smell more.

Hey there @Ausmaid

Welcome to the forums, thank you so much for sharing what you are experiencing with us here, I am really glad that you have reached out about this.

It can be really challenging seeing someone that we used to be so close with live with a mental health issue (especially if they have no support - which I see that you mentioned in a previous reply). You're definitely not alone in this feeling, it can be really confronting seeing someone that you used to know so well turn into a completely different person, I am sending lots of virtual hugs for this. It is obviously very different for each circumstance, but what I have experienced is when someone that is so close to me has a diagnosed mental health issue and is acting really hostile towards me or is isolating themselves, I find that is never really 'them' talking. It is their emotions and what they are experiencing.

Oftentimes when I get into depressive episodes, I tend to isolate myself and believe that no one really cares about it, so is it possible that your friend may be isolating themselves because they don't know how to cope with what they are going through at the moment, and think that that is best for them to do?

Has your friend seen anyone professional about their diagnosis since? If you can, it might help both you and your friend to reach out to their family members and see if there is anything that you can both research to set up (in terms of support for your friend)?

It is also important to keep your own mental health as a priority during all this, so please reach out to your own support systems (and on here at the forums too!) if you feel your mental health declining because of this situation.

Sending lots of virtual hugs,

Amber22

How are things going @Ausmaid ?