Paranoia without schizophrenia

@MDT hey Hams, may be distract to do something soothing. It will pass. Just at hair dresser. Take care

I often thing about the past @MDT tell myself because am old these days

Suspicion of people's motives can be a form of self protective caution but also can be a projection due to fear from another source, and the negative motive may not be present in the other person. @MDT

Reflection about earlier experiences can be natural.

For example my mother grew up in wartime Rotterdam planes flying over from both sides and they could often tell which side they were coming from or whether they were going to or returning from a raid. Some 'accidents' happened in their city within 10 km. So her fear levels were HIGH from 6-12 years of age. Random uncertain, but she never addressed anything emotional beyond dogmatic religion and a rigid personality. Instead of dealing with fear or anger, she projected it all out upon others, her family, my father, me, neighbours. The fear was from genuine historical source but locked inside. Mostly she talked of how she outwitted Germans but it is the only way I can explain the level of her denial about bad stuff that happened in later generations. @MDT That is partly why dealing with trauma is important otherwise the past fogs the lenses of the present.

Yes @MDT Dont underestimate your strength. You are intelligent, thoughtful, caring, got travel, girlfriend, study and work under your belt. That is a lot of ticked boxes.

I have had to analyse ... mental illness from the ground up and dig down into its roots. Going back to your thread title.... I had to unpack the meaning of paranoia in my 20s and thought about it a bit over the years. Both my parents were hospitalised more than once and given the dreaded label in your thread title. In a way it has strengthened my understanding of some mechanisms of mental illness. I always gave mum plenty leeway for dealing with WWII stuff.

Self doubt is a thing. Most people experience it a bit of the time. I do. We can yoyo without or it can be paralysing, which is probably my main way of experiencing it. Maybe part of the trick is to cultivate some mantras or self talk to deal with it when it pops up, and it may keep popping up idk ... but something to keep the doubty trouty fishy times at bay ... and keep fear for when you really are in deep water ... does that make sense?

We need our fear antennae ... to survive the dangers in life ... that do exist.

You may be dealing with fear rumbling underneath ... rather than thinking it indicated something is wrong with you ... accept it as your personality's style of processing feelings ... rather than any pathologising BS. There maybe some trauma major or minor ... and it is natural and best if you do work through it ... and it may be just the way you are. I always thought mum had worse situation than me, as I had never lived in war, which in a way dismissed my own frightening experiences as a very young girl.

https://crucible4points.com/about-crucible-therapy/ just an approach that takes into account psychoanalytic and relational aspects of being. Never had the money for that kind of thing so kinda figured it out on my own on the cheap ... the thought that strikes me as relevant is the idea ... of emotions in a crucible and rumbling away ... changing over time ...

Great to talk.