@tyme @Former-Member
Hi @Jlol , I hope you don't mind me jumping into your message. It all sucks - you know you need help but finding it can make things even harder and can feel really invalidating.
Like the others, I can only go by my personal experience. I now have a great psychologist but struggled for many many years to find anyone that I felt understood me, could fit me in and seemed to really care. I know it's their job but some therapists do go above and beyond.
I have been thinking about your comment that you don't think talking therapy is for you. I pondered whether to post but here I am.
Talking therapy is such a wide and generic term. I have had a tendency to fall into the all-or-nothing thinking and possibly it sounds like that may be the case when you say this about talking therapy.
I am not sure how we can negotiate our mental health without some aspect of talking. Whether it is DBT, CBT, talking on a forum (great job for putting yourself on here), schema therapy, or active listening support - it all involves talking.
It's finding someone that just gets you but to find them we need to talk about ourselves - our traumas, our needs and wants and express if we are not comfortable with something they do. I had a psychologist once who insisted I do an inner child thing that I was not at all comfortable with. I did it anyway and felt so unheard and vulnerable. So, when I found my current psych I said upfront that I will not be doing inner child stuff, she listened and respected that. I have realised that I do need to do some of that stuff but 2 years into treatment with her I am still not ready.
I never thought I would be with someone for 2 years and still need them and look forward to our sessions. Shouldn't I just be cured I used to think? I have learnt that my psychologist is an important part of my well-being and I am grateful I gave her the chance. 6 months into seeing her I rang and told her I didn't need her anymore. I thought I could do it alone. Turns out I couldn't and chose to go back to her. We now have a shared history and she can tailor each session for me. Sometimes I come in with a list and I just talk the whole time.
Best of luck @Jlol , we all deserve to be listened to.