Just sad

There is so much more I could of done for them to make their lives better but I chose not to and that’s so f**ked up on my part
I’m so sorry

@ArraDreaming - You could only do what you could do. You were only a child yourself. From what I remember, you had a lot of responsibility - and many responsibilities which were beyond your age.

Thinking about the past can make a difference to who you are today @ArraDreaming . It is not that we disregard the past, but rather, use it to inform your actions today.

I hear you miss your mum. Remember, she is in your heart. Just like you were in her heart all those years.

You have come so far. Your strength, your care, your love, your family is what is helping your siblings now. It is teaching them about life in many ways textbooks can't.

You are protecting them more than you may think right now.

I hope so @tyme

i think about them all the time where are they, are they going ok at school, are their carers nice to them? the last time I saw them was at mums funeral and before that it was a long time.

I have missed so much of them growing up I should have been there for them when they needed someone to help them, when they look for someone to keep them safe when they are scared it should be me

What does 'keep them safe mean'? Does that mean they will never be hurt? As a father, as much as you want to protect your boys, sometimes, they learn through natural consequences e.g. the rock shattering the window which then caused glass to fly out.

As much as parents, siblings etc do not want to see their loved ones hurt, letting them fall sometimes makes room for growth. @ArraDreaming - would you agree? It gives them a resilience that life lessons have taught.

I hear it is hard to feel like you have 'failed' them. Yet this is the course taken. For me, there are many things I've done which I'm not proud of. If I could, I'd turn back time to change them - but I can't. However, I can remember never to repeat those mistakes again - I've learnt from them. It's made me a wiser person.

Do you think this is also the case for you?

I meant keep them safe I’m meant to always keep them safe from people who hurt them, that’s meant to be my job and I failed @tyme

it could be the case for me I don’t know