Im not sure if im an abuser? Realy confused with this

You’re not an abuser you’re a victim.
just because the phyc says that it’s only their opinion and it doesn’t mean it’s true or something you should absorb, it’s not in anyway helpful for you healing from what happened to you.

I was in a phyc ward when I was 18 and I told my nurse I was feeling suicidal, she asked me how I was feeling and what had happened and when I told her she told me that that was “pathetic reasons to want to die “ let’s just say 18 year old me didn’t take that very well and I had a massive episode resulting in her being banned and ever being my nurse again .
to put it mildly she chose the wrong wording and response let her own opinion obviously slip in which is unacceptable when it was a crisis situation.

im sure you have your reasons to why you’ve stayed silent. I find it horrible he said that to you, I’d be telling him thanks for opening up another can of worms you didn’t need.
my mums father is also a pedo, he abused my mother and my aunts and my brother and I were also molested. No one in the family has ever had him brought to justice.
I have no idea how my mum has survived what she went through, don’t ever think you are an abuser EVER 💕🙏🏻

Hi @Butternut,

Welcome to the Forums. My name is FloatingFeather and I am one of the peer support workers at SANE. You are in good company - our forums members are very supportive with a wide range of lived experience.

Firstly I just want to say I am really sorry for what you have gone through. As a parent, I can't fathom how anyone can think of hurting their children let alone in the way your father did. Blame sits squarely at the offender's feet.

Sometimes when trauma is so hard to deal with the mind almost blocks it out as a way of coping. Maybe after what the counsellor said it brought the memories back into the forefront of your mind? I would encourage you to speak to a professional that you trust about this if you feel comfortable. It's a lot to process and to untangle. Maybe through therapy you could find the answers you are seeking. I would imagine this is something that you need to digest and process for yourself before you can proceed in whatever direction you choose to take. You need to heal you - you have been through a lot and you are a victim in all this.

Please take care of yourself and keep reaching out. We are here for you.

Warm regards,

FloatingFeather

Hi @Vixen87,

I just wanted to welcome you to the Forums and thank you for you kind and considerate response to @Butternut. Sharing our lived experiences is really powerful and can be very beneficial for people. My thinking around sharing my lived experience is that if someone can gain a little reassurance or comfort from me sharing something difficult I have been through perhaps that is a little positive coming from something negative.

I am sorry to read what happened to you at 18. It's really shocking what that nurse said to you at any age but particularly when you are young, vulnerable and impressionable. I think if you are going to work in the mental health field and speak like that you should be banned to. I really hope you are okay now. I know they say time heals all wounds but it doesn't mean scars don't remain.

I'm also sorry to read what you mum has lived through - she sounds like a really strong woman. I hope she is okay.

It's lovely to have you on the forums and please keep reaching out and posting.

Warm wishes,

FloatingFeather

Definitely no. What the abuser does is them not you. You did what you needed to get through that horrible situation. Also if it was awhile ago abuse was less spoken of and harder to speak out about. The court system is flawed too and even if you had taken it to court, it doesn’t mean he would be convicted. There are lots of cases that the victim walks away with no justice. I’m not saying that if someone wants to try and stop that person through court or speaking out they should, but you shouldn’t feel bad if you cannot for whatever reason. They are responsible for their actions. I spoke out, it went to court and I didn’t get the result I wanted and it was in a country town and they were highly respected so even though it went around the town as it does in a small country community. Everyone acted like it didn’t happen. Him and his wife looked after children at their house still. What I’m trying to say is that you could’ve spoken out and it could have continued anyway. As the victim you need to be supported to work through it as much as you can. I feel really upset that was said to you. Please look after yourself you are not to blame in anyway.

DID82

.

.